Slats

This is a submission to Kinu-uni’s contest ending July 29.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto.

Pairing: SasuNaru

Warnings: Shounen-ai, abuse

Summary/ Notes: This is a dark piece. If you absolutely can’t see Naruto being hurt, don’t read this. It’s from his point of view. Don’t worry, though… it’s not as bad as it seems.

Slats

Author: Morien Alexander

This time, when I looked into the mirror, I couldn’t see the wounds healing. Usually, the bruises around my neck would be gone by the time I got up just before sunrise to look at them. The red scratches down my chest would be all but gone. Even the swollen, bloody bites along my neck would have sealed together into strands of pale pink skin. I never really questioned why- as I had always healed fast. But this early morning, they were standing out, vivid and throbbing and hurting with more than just physical pain.

I had trained harder than usual that day and by the time I got home, I was worn out. When Sasuke came by, I told him that I didn’t feel up to doing anything, but he wouldn’t listen to me. He tends not to. Instead, he pushed me down onto the bed and took me, biting and scratching and throttling. As always.

It’s not that I don’t love him- I do. I always have, I think, in my own way. I love him and I know he loves me. He always makes sure that my cupboard is stocked full of ramen and that I have a clean bathroom. He will take me out to dinner and bring me little gifts occasionally. He tells me that he loves me and during the day he will kiss me with such utter tenderness that I feel like I am melting. During the day he is the perfect boyfriend. At night he is worse than the demon living inside me.

I don’t know why he does it, or why he doesn’t remember anything in the morning. All I know is that after each night we lay together, I will look down at my body to find large blue prints of his hands around my neck… deep red scratches down my body… blood welling up from violent bites… and a broken heart vibrating through every seam of myself. All of the physical wounds heal quickly. Often I remember being hurt in certain areas that are nothing but clean pink flesh when I look at them in the mirror.

In the morning, Sasuke always rolls over, hugs me around my middle and murmurs “Good morning, Naruto,” into my stomach. He will kiss me and sometimes we make love in the stripes of sunlight that stream through my shades. Then, he is just as tender and loving as…as if he didn’t remember.

“Naruto?”

I turned around to see Sasuke standing in the door, rubbing at his eyes. He was beautiful, as always. His hair was ruffled and dark and his eyes spoke of deep dreams. There were little creases around his mouth where the pillow’s folds had pushed into his skin. A pair of his dark blue flannel sleeping pants hung off his slender hips. His chest was bare. Perfect. I said nothing, but turned to face him.

For a minute, he was silent, a frown growing between his beautiful brows. Then, he cautiously reached out a hand to touch my chest.

I pulled back. “Don’t. It hurts,” I said, my voice falling blankly against the bathroom’s tiles. I didn’t know what else to say.

“I did this, didn’t I.” It wasn’t a question. His chin began to rumple. “I did this to you, didn’t I.”

I didn’t answer. But I suppose that was enough.

“Naruto…” Sasuke slumped down to the floor, not able to take his eyes away from the prints that his own malice had left on me. I wasn’t sure if he was close to tears or if he was going to hurt me again. And I knew that if it was the latter, I would let him.

Perhaps you would call it my weakness that I let him hurt me that way. Sometimes, though, I felt that I deserved it. I was, after all, the Nine Tailed demon. He knew I was. I had told him. You can’t love someone and not tell them the deepest parts of your heart. So one day I told him. I showed him- standing in the kitchen- the swirling mark about my navel that kept it inside me. He had touched it reverently, as though I was pregnant. Then, he had kissed me thoroughly. I had thought that meant he forgave me.

“I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I didn’t want you to see this…”

He looked angry, then. Angry and fiercely jealous. I have never seen him with such an expression in his beautiful dark eyes. He stood up. “Don’t tell me you’re sorry! Don’t ever be sorry for… for… this…” His voice caught slightly. “I did this.”

“It usually heals,” I offered lamely, leaning against the sink. Its porcelain chill soaked into my skin. “It usually heals very quickly.”

“I know.” Sasuke looked away from me, and I could see the shine of tears beginning in his eyes. “That way I could fool myself into thinking that I hadn’t hurt you. That way I could believe that I was a good person.”

“Sasuke-”

“I’m not a good person, Naruto. I’m not like you. I can’t shine with your radiance- I can’t make people smile like you can.”

“In case you’ve never noticed, people don’t smile at me,” I snapped, stinging from the comment. He should have known that it would wound me.

“You make me smile…” and he burst into tears. “Why do I hurt the one thing that I love? Am I that much like… you…”

For a minute I thought he meant me. Then I realized he was thinking of Itachi.

“I love you, Naruto. I think you’re the only thing that I can love. You’re the only person who can make my blood rise. The only person who can make me laugh... You’re the only person that I can’t live without. I am not Itachi!!” he shouted suddenly, punching a hole into the wall with his fist. Plaster dust rose like ghosts of his wrath from the rupture. “I am not Itachi,” he repeated softly “but I act just like him.”

I was quiet. The demon inside me roiled… and I was quiet.

“I’m sorry, Naruto. I love you. I love you.” And he looked at me with those eyes that I can never resist. “I love you,” he whispered despairingly.

I flung my arms around him and dragged him down to the floor. We clung together, him crying and me trembling with uncertainty on the white tile floor. He ran his fingers gently across my wounds, through my hair, over my skin. I huffed short, pained breaths into his soft hair. He was hurting me, healing me, hurting me again.

“I don’t know what to do,” I said, my voice muffled and strained.

His sobs became louder, and I clutched him to me, afraid that he would break apart. “I don’t want to hurt you again!!” he cried. “I don’t want to hurt you! I love you!!”

I held him until the sunlight from my room crept into the bathroom and pooled around us on the floor. He began to smell of sun and tears and me. I buried my nose in his hair and inhaled. His tears slowly ceased and there was no sound but his occasional hiccup and my own raspy breathing.

“What now?” he asked finally, pulling away from me and looking unbeautiful in his post-tear state. I had never loved him more in my life.

“Now… you love me the way that you always meant to,” I said softly.

Sasuke studied my eyes and then nodded. He leaned in and kissed my mouth, pouring his chakra into me through our link. I opened up under him like a hungry animal, feeling my wounds beginning to seal shut and the bruises vanishing. He would be exhausted after this, but it would be all right. I could take care of him that day and no one would ask after us. I could cradle him in a swath of blankets and curl around him and love him. And when he was healed, we could make sweet love in a spot of sun on the bed.

I picked him up and carried him to the bed, his head resting against my shoulder and his legs dangling limply over my arm. I lay him in the sunlight and watched as he relaxed, pulling me down with him. He cradled my head against his chest and tiredly pet my hair.

It was then that I began to cry.

End

Notes: I’m surprised that I actually ended up writing this. I usually don’t write things that deal with abuse- particularly between characters that I am so fond of. However, I think that it could be possible that if Naruto and Sasuke ever got together, Sasuke might have some serious problems. Ah well. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed.