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2nd: how about i remove the hentai from this site?

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Candy in the Pockets

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Candy in the Pockets
by: Elric-Chan

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Part 1
Day 1

Naruto pounded on the door angrily, yanking on the knob with all his might. Sasuke stood against the wall, trying to look uncaring and be separated at the same time, which was hard because, well, they were locked in a closet.

A rather small closet.

Yes, this was Tsunade’s idea of fun. How she managed to get all four of them, including Kakashi, into the closet, no one knows, but the point is they were in there now. And it was dark.

Naruto, who had given up waging war on the door, started to whine.

“It’s dark in here…”

“Shut up.”

“Ooh, quick! Somebody do a light jutsu!”

“There’s no such thing as a light jutsu, you idiot.”

“There is so! Tell him, Kakashi-sensei!”

Kakashi sighed. Being around the kids was bad enough, but now he was trapped in a confined space with them.

Tsunade would pay.

“Kakashi-sensei!”

“No, Naruto, there is no such thing as a light jutsu.”

“WHAAAT?”

“Will you please be quiet?” Sakura’s chirpy voice said. “So I can figure a way out of here?”

“What makes you think you can get us out?” Sasuke interjected.

Sakura bit back her rude retort. This was Sasuke-kun, after all.

Suddenly, dim light washed over them. They all looked up at the dangling string Kakashi’s hand held fast to. A small light bulb hung from the ceiling, but the light was faint. Kakashi’s face scrunched. They guess that meant he was smiling.

“Good job, Kakashi-sensei!”

XXX

“How long do you think they will last?”

Iruka had rounded on Tsunade, but he thought the entire thing somewhat comical himself.

“I don’t know. But we’ll find out.”

XXX

Sasuke was already annoyed. He didn’t care that he was locked in a closet. He cared that he was locked in a closet with Naruto. The little demon was already starting to tell jokes that no one wanted to hear. Sakura had taken off her headband and was polishing it on the corner of her dress thing. Kakashi was absentmindedly pulling on a strand of his silver hair, and Sasuke was busy blocking out Naruto’s drone.

“So what did the clone jutsu say to the shadow clone jutsu?”

He paused, apparently expecting three different enthusiastic answers. Sakura huffed on her headband, Kakashi wound his finger around his bangs, and Sasuke began to picture the many different ways he could cause Naruto bodily harm.

“It said… Quit following me around!”

He broke into peals of laughter, looking around. All that was different was that Sasuke’s eye was twitching.

And that was never good.

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Part 2
Day 2

Things were not going so well.

Sakura was begging for something to drink, her mouth having gone dry when she hadn’t stopped huffing on her headband. She had been awake all night doing that.

Sasuke and Kakashi, on the other hand, had gotten a good night’s sleep. Kakashi was already beginning to shirk on his responsibilities of watching out for the kids. He knew that Sasuke, like himself would be fine. He was somewhat concerned about Sakura, and he was way past caring about what happened to Naruto.

Our little Uzumaki-chan had come up with at least 97 more stupid jutsu jokes, which he of course felt the need to announce out loud. He had gotten some sleep, for he had tried at various intervals to wrench the headband out of Sakura’s hands, with no results.

So now he sat dejectedly in a corner, watching Sakura drain the bottle of water Kakashi had found. Sasuke sat in another corner, trying to sharpen a piece of wood from the floorboard on the doorframe. He planned to thrust it into Naruto whenever he had the chance.

XXX

“You locked them in a closet?”

Tsunade gulped. Now the Hokage knew.

“Kakashi is our best jounin, and you locked him in a closet?”

She nodded feebly.

“With Naruto?”

“Yes.”

“Let Kami be with him, then.”

XXX

Naruto’s head drooped, and shot back up. Each time he did this, Sasuke tensed, his fist clenching tightly around his makeshift wooden shuriken. He didn’t really want to kill him, just injure him rather badly.

Yes, Sasuke Uchiha was evil.

As Naruto’s head drooped again, Sasuke was not the only one who noticed. Kakashi snatched the bone-dry water bottle from Sakura and smacked it down on the blonde’s head. His head snapped up faster than usual, and Kakashi looked indignant.

“If we can’t sleep, you aren’t, so wake up!”

“You slept more than I did!”

“Well that’s because I wasn’t telling stupid jokes!”

“My jokes are not stupid! You’re just jealous!”

Sasuke sighed. Now Kakashi had lost it.

Sakura looked helplessly at the bickering pair, then at her headband, which gleamed brighter than the flickering light bulb.

“Why would I be jealous?”

“Well-“

And them a smirk widened Naruto’s features.

“You know, I could just do my shadow clone jutsu, and then-“

Kakashi shut up that very instant. And Sasuke shoved his weapon through the crack in the door.

They were going to be in here a long time.

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Part 3
Day 3

Sasuke was perched on his fingers, trying to keep them from inflicting harm to Naruto, whose snores filled the closet space.

It seemed that no matter what he did, he annoyed everyone around him. Even when he wasn’t conscious.

Kakashi stared in disgust at his apprentices. Sasuke, it appeared, was trying to touch his butt, Sakura was licking her headband, and Naruto was snoring.

So… damn… loud.

Maybe… if he killed them all… Tsunade would let him out… yeah, that might work.

Kakashi shook his head. That was his inner devil speaking.

But since he was not the only one who had an issue with Naruto at the moment, he picked up the handy water bottle once more and cracked it over the boy’s head.

“What? Oh, yeah-yeah, just fell-fell asleep for a minute… yeah.”

Naruto sat up straight, trying to look alert. Sasuke sighed, sliding his hands back out from under himself, and clenched them into fists. Naruto sidled to the back of the closet, where a few coats and jackets had gone unnoticed. Sakura set her headband down, her eyes keen again as she watched Naruto rummaging through the mass of hanging clothes. His breath made a sharp noise as he felt at a small gray overcoat.

“There’s candy in the pockets…” he said incredulously to himself.

He then realized with horror that he had said it a bit too loud.

The other three sprang onto him like a pack of starving animals. Sasuke retreated into a corner, a root beer flavored Dum Dum pop clutched tightly in his hand. Kakashi made off with a large Tootsie Roll, and Sakura blindly snatched a melted Reese cup.

And poor Naruto was left holding a green and white peppermint.

He shoved it deep into the pockets of his own orange jumpsuit, and turned to root through the jacket again, but to no avail. He sighed, and slumped against the back wall, the coats obscuring him slightly from view. He took this as an opportunity to be immature and make faces at Sasuke.

It took Naruto a while to notice the sucker stick in his hair.

XXX

Tsunade placed a chair noiselessly in front of the closet door. She wanted to see just how well her “game” was going.

XXX

Naruto pulled angrily at the white stick in his hair. With a final tug, he launched it at Sasuke That jerk had thrown it at him when he was making faces. He was pleased to see that the stick smacked Sasuke on the nose, and slid into his lap. Sasuke twitched it lazily at Sakura.

The pink-haired kunoichi lost it completely and flung the stick back at Sasuke with all her might. Naruto watched, amazed. The stick poked Sasuke in the eye, and he slumped over. Sakura huffed indignantly and sat back against the wall, her arms folded.

Poor Sasuke-san.

Kakashi stared blankly at Sakura and her victorious expression. He wasn’t paying attention. They were just there. He pulled his knees up to his chest, and wrapping his arms around them, he began to rock back and forth, humming “Over the Rainbow”.

Yes, Kakashi had lost it.

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Part 4

Day 4

Sakura stared at Sasuke, the reality that he was dead finally hitting her. She had really killed him.

No, maybe he was just sleeping.

She poked him sharply, flinching as though she expected him to jump up. Naruto watched her wearily. Sasuke was dead, but he could care less. And Sakura didn't care either. She was too depressed and weak to care. She poked Sasuke one last time, and turned to Kakashi.

"Kakashi-sensei, I just thought you should know that I killed Sasuke."

"Kakashi-sensei?"

The silver-haired jounin didn't make a move. He hadn't moved at all through the night, or stopped humming. His knees were still curled up to him, and he was still rocking back and forth. He tonelessly hummed the chorus to "A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down", and Naruto shoved tissues from a random pocket into his ears.

"Kakashi-sensei?"

XXX

"Is Sasuke dead?" Iruka demanded. Tsunade shrugged.

"That's what that little kunoichi said, but she she could be lying." she said. Iruka huffed angrily.

"I don't know what they're doing in there, but I think I hear Mary Poppins..." the Hokage said.

XXX

Naruto was dying of hunger. He still had the peppermint that he refused to eat unless he absolutely needed it, but he was starting to think more and more that he really did need it.

Sakura had devoured her share of the candy, and regretted it more than ever. She'd heard that hunger makes people irritable, but she didn't think that was true.

"Stop it! For the love of Kami-sama, STOP IT!"

Naruto shouted at Kakashi, who was silent as his song finished. The blonde snatched up the water bottle that had previously victimized him and proceeded to beat Kakashi senseless with it.

"I HATE YOU! YOU STUPID FREAKING KAKASHI!"

Sakura stared at Naurto on the rampage.

Maybe hunger did make people irritable...

"DIE KAKASHI, DIE!"

"Naruto-"

"YOU STUPID JOUNIN!" -whack-

"Naruto, I don't think you should-"

"DIE, DAMMIT, DIE!" -whack whack smack-

"Naruto..."

"SHUT UP!" Naruto yelled at Sakura, looking with disdain at the dented water bottle. As the light bulb flickered and went out, Sakura's headband gleamed. Naruto ripped his from his forehead and gave his sensei a few good whacks with it.

XXX

"It really sounds like something is going on in there, Tsunade," Iruka complained. "Maybe you should let them out."

"It's all sound effects," Tsunade said.

-SMACK-

XXX

"Naruto, stop!"

Sakura wrenched the headband from her partner's hands, only for his fist to hit Kakashi instead. He finally stopped his assault, and sat down. All the attacking had made him even more hungry. He slowly unwrapped the peppermint, snarling like a dog as Sakura looked at it, and popped it in his mouth.

He imagined that it was ramen, the best miso ramen in the world, the hot steamy broth sliding down his throat. He choked, bringing him back from Ramen Land. The peppermint was stuck, and he gasped for air. His hands clenched around his neck, and he looked desperately at Sakura.

She smiled.

And Naruto knew he was done for.

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Part 5

Day 5

Sakura stared around the small confined space of the closet. She was the only living creature left. She tried to recap on what had happened. Sasuke had tossed a sucker stick at her, and she had thrown it back with such force that it had lodged in his eye.

One down.

Her sensei Kakashi had become so increasingly irritating with his mental humming and rocking that Naruto beat him to death with various things, mainly a water bottle.

Two down.

And finally, Naruto had hungrily gobbled down a peppermint, so greedily and fast that he choked. And Sakura had watched him die.

That made three.

So she had either to die, or think of a way to get out in the new peace and quiet.

"Hello?"

Sakura turned and stared at the door.

"Iruka-sensei?"

"Yeah, it's me. Uh... is everything okay in there?"

"It's just me."

"What do you mean?"

"I killed Sasuke, Naruto killed Kakashi-sensei, and then Naruto choked to death on a peppermint."

Iruka stared around at Tsunade, who was holding back hysterical laughter.

"How... how do you find this funny?"

"They sure are good at thinking of excuses!"

"No, I'm serious," Sakura chimed. "And I'm coming out now."

"Wha-"

The door blasted open, revealing a ragged-looking Sakura standing poised with her fingers in chakra summoning form. She collapsed into Iruka's arms as Tsunade peered tentavively into the closet.

XXX

Sasuke looked around. Everything was so bright, and there were clouds everywhere.

"Where are we?"

Sasuke turned to his side to see Naruto, looking completely ridiculous in snow-white robes, fluffy wings set on his back. And, he noticed, his sensei looked the same, only adorable and not riduculous. And instead of a black mask, he donned a white one. It didn't take Sasuke long to realize that he was dressed the same.

"Well..." Sasuke said. "We are dead, aren't we?"

"That's right," Kakashi said. "So we must be -"

"Welcome, welcome!"

The trio turned to the sound of the booming voice. There behind them stood none other than Kami-sama himself.

"Kami?"

"Yes, that's right. And I see that bretheren have joined us in the Paradise in the heavens."

The three loooked dumbfounded.

"Well, what brings my sons here?" He looked at Sasuke.

"Well..." Sasuke hung his head in shame.

"Speak up, my child."

"I got poked in the eye with a lollipop stick," he muttered, a blue cloud of sad surrounding him. "By a girl."

Kami showed no mockery as Sasuke had expected, and instead patted him on the shoulders and turned to Kakashi. The jounin opened his mouth to respond.

"He beat me to death." he said shortly, pointing a finger at Naruto.

"All is forgiven, all is forgiven," Kami chided. "Now how about you?"

He turned his questioning eyes on the little blonde shinobi.

"Well, I... I choked on a peppermint."

Sasuke muffled a snicker. Kakashi wasn't as successful, his chuckle somewhat audible.

Kami patted Naruto on the head.

"Well," he said sympathetically. "At least we don't have candy here."

XXX

Tsunade sank into a chair, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. The stupid little kunoichi really had been serious. They were all dead. And she had kind of liked Hatake Kakashi too.

Iruka stared at Sakura in disbelief.

"W-why, Sakura?"

She looked up feebly at him.

"Because girls rule."

OWARI

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Fin...

Tease

Title: Tease
Chapter: Oneshot
Type: Fanfiction
Fandom: Naruto (by Masashi Kishimoto)
Character(s): Naruto, Sai, Sakura
Genre: General, Humor
Word Count: 1,080
Notes: I'm getting a bit carried away with these short ficlets, perhaps.
Summary: Because Sai has to have some inkling of what he's doing.

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Tease
by: Tanuki-dono

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Naruto liked having Sai around when Sakura was angry. It was like having a comrade in arms – meaning, Sakura wasn’t afraid to throw her monstrous fists at the other boy, which let Naruto off the hook from time to time. The only downfall to the boy’s presence was that he managed to tick Sakura off more than what seemed humanly possible; thus, creating a hazardous situation wherein Naruto tried to no avail to hold her back, and she in turn wound up smashing him regardless of whether or not he had played any role in the offense. Before, Naruto thought the award of earning the girl’s ire had fallen to him, but Sai was obviously a fitter specimen for the title of human punching bag.

The first time Sakura had hit Sai, the hopelessly stoic and emotionally retarded boy had not seen it coming. The second time, he had allowed the transgression, pouting and rubbing his cheek in an attempt to inspire sympathy afterward, which Sakura gave in to eventually. The third time, he had been sent sprawling across the table in the middle of what was supposed to be a friendly meal, his face landing in a perfectly good bowl of Naruto’s special ramen. Naruto had been torn between gaping at his angry female teammate and guffawing loudly at the steamy red color Sai’s face had turned upon exposure to the hot broth of miso.

He didn’t understand. At times, his two teammates seemed to get along splendidly. After all, Sakura was, at heart, one of the kindest people he’d ever met, and she tried valiantly to give Sai a little leeway for socially unacceptable displays and comments. But, unfortunately, Sai had learned to tease. The worst part was that he had learned it from Sakura herself, after watching her playfully poke fun at Naruto. And rather than learning from his mistakes, he took delight in making her face turn pinker than her hair – he was like some kind of masochist. Teasing Naruto was safe. Teasing Sakura was most certainly not, and the results were probably equivalent to the violence of a world war.

The day they dragged him along to the library to research, Naruto felt like scraping his brain out with a spatula. It was pure torture. It didn’t help that Sai was in one of his teasing moods, chipper smile firmly in place. He had already lost one Chinese button by the time they reached the reading table, courtesy of Sakura trying to choke him with the fabric of his shirt when he’d made a rude remark about the natural colors of hair and the mysteries involved therein.

When they stacked the textbooks on the small table, Naruto smiled widely and snuck a comic book in between the pages of Chakra Rehabilitation. He pretended, for the next hour, to study courageously, inwardly surprised that Sakura hadn’t caught him yet – something else to thank Sai for. The torture passed without incident. Consequently, the outing was without real conversation either. For once, Naruto didn’t feel like taking a chance that Sakura’s frail mood might disintegrate. He could imagine her happiness curling up like the paper on Asuma’s cigarettes.

On the way to the door, though, Sai started up again, spilling out something Naruto didn’t really pay attention to. The one-sided conversation had something to do with art and sculpture and adequate shapes in regards to women. Naruto didn’t think it sounded too personal. Sai was an artist and he paid attention to those kinds of things.

But Sakura, evidently, took Sai’s dark attention on her to mean that he was inferring something about some inadequacy he believed she had. She started forward, and before Naruto could move to shield Sai from her, or her from herself for that matter, she tripped, the pile of books she had been carrying tumbling down the steps. One of her fists was swinging wildly as she fell, and she tumbled head over feet in a rare display of complete gracelessness. Naruto stared aghast as she gained speed and momentum, like some perverse impression of a kick ball rolling down a hill, until she finally hit the stone floor. Naruto snapped out of his shock and flew down the stairs.

“Sakura-chan!”

Sai beat him there, taking one elegant leap to get to the bottom. The boy bent down on one knee, putting a hand on her shoulder to steady her and examining her form for injuries with a critical eye. When she noticed his hand on her shoulder, she looked like she wanted to bite it right off.

Naruto moved close, trying to diffuse a possibly dangerous situation. He shoved his face close to her in a brilliant method of distraction, his watery blue eyes full of worry.

“Sakura-chan, are you okay?” he asked anxiously, hands hovering around her but not entirely invading her space.

She bit her lip, pride wounded more than anything.

“I’m fine, Naruto,” she gritted out, eyeing Sai’s helping hands viciously.

Sai’s brow creased, his eyes dropping more so than usual. If Naruto had ever doubted that Sai considered Sakura one of his friends, that was disproved now.

“Do I need to carry you?” he asked tonelessly, voice at odds with his expression.

“Yeah, yeah!” Naruto put in. “We can carry you!”

Sakura shook her head and sighed, the tension seeping out of her shoulders as she laid a glowing hand on her ankle, mending it in a matter of seconds.

“Nah,” she smiled sheepishly. “It’s my own fault, I guess.”

“Good,” Sai said with a breath of relief, smiling in the genuine way that was so rare but so nice when he did.

Naruto watched in horror as Sai’s smile took on a bit of a lost quality – the look he got whenever he wasn’t sure what else to say – the look he got when he shoved his foot so far into his mouth that it was a wonder he didn’t choke.

“Because you’re heavier than you look,” Sai finished lightly, oblivious to the fresh bout of color that was now coming into Sakura’s cheeks.

It really wasn’t a good day for Sakura, Naruto thought, for her control to be this bad. The stress must have been getting to her lately. He couldn’t really blame her for blowing up – it was her way of coping. Nevertheless, his survival instincts kicked in, and he linked his arm with Sai’s in a flash.

“Run,” he whispered fearfully, already sensing the crackle of electricity in the air behind them.

Sai smiled again, and Naruto was shocked to find a hint of mischief in his eyes.

END.

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The Kiss ONESHOT

(Note from ucupneptune: i HATE YAOI story)

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Naruto, I just like playing with the charactersJ

AN: I hope you enjoy my story…and sorry, but I suck at story titles. (it was called SasuNaru Oneshot…is this at least better than that?) This story is a Shounen-ai (that’s boy love), so if you don’t like the idea of two guys together, don’t read this. Reviews are VERY welcome, good or bad…I like to get criticism, it helps me to make my future stories better. This is the first boyxboy story I’ve written…I wrote another after this one that’s posted on as well as yaoi. is also my first Naruto fan fiction.

The Kiss ONESHOT
by: sugarpixie02

He Stared wide-eyed at his dark-haired friend and rival, for once he was completely speechless. Sasuke Uchiha had just KISSED him, on purpose. Now, under normal circumstances, Naruto would have blown up at him, in his usual overly loud way. But these were NOT normal circumstances. Normal circumstances would have consisted of him having completely platonic feelings for his friend, not these very NOT platonic feelings he was having at the moment. So instead, he did the very the un-Naruto thing to do. He ran.

The confused kitsune ran from Sasuke, from the feelings he felt for the avenger, from everything. And he didn’t stop running until he reached the door to the hokage’s office. He needed to get away, he needed to think, he needed a mission. Stepping forward, Naruto knocked firmly on the door in front of him. He hoped Tsunade-baba would have something easy, like reconnaissance or something, that would get him away for at least a week, but not be too dangerous for him to use as thinking time.

Flashback:

“Sakura! Sasuke! Let’s go get some RAMEN!” Naruto yelled to his teammates as they made their way through the gates of Konoha. They’d just gotten back from yet another D-class mission. How did the Hokage expect them to ever pass a chuunin exam if she kept giving them all these pointless D-ranking missions.

“You’ll buy us ramen, right Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto looked up at his lazy sensei with hope filled eyes. Kakashi’s one showing eye curved into a grin as he saw their favorite academy sensei up ahead. “Of course Naruto, Iruka-sensei, why don’t you join us?” Kakashi replied, raising his voice at the last part loud enough or the chuunin to hear. Iruka was so lost in his own thoughts that the sound of the perverted-nin’s voice caused him to jump slightly. He turned around just in time to see the familiar orange book disappear into Kakashi’s vest.

“ Oh, hello Kakashi-sensei. Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, what are you all up to? Did you just return from a mission?“ Iruka asked, slightly absent mindedly.

“It was just another lame D-ranked mission.” Naruto complained.

“It wasn’t THAT bad Naruto-san.” Sakura rolled her eyes, “ At least it wasn’t garbage duty again.”

“Or walking Kakashi-sensei’s nin-dogs again.” Sasuke added with a slight glare in the direction of their sensei.

“We’re on our way to get ramen now, Kakashi-sensei’s treat!” Naruto told his ex-sensei excitedly, ignoring his teammates comments.

“Dobe” Sasuke muttered as he tried to shake Sakura off his arm.

“ What’d you call me, teme!” The blonde yelled. Smirking, Sasuke replied,

“I called you a dobe.”

“Stop calling me that! You bastaard!” Naruto exclaimed as he lunged at the smirking avenger.

“That’s enough boys, save it for when you spar.” Kakashi said as he grabbed the back of the blonde’s orange jacket to prevent the impending fight. “We’re here.” Naruto looked up to see that they were indeed standing in front of Icharaku’s ramen stand.

“ RAMEN!” the kitsune exclaimed as he ran inside. Shaking their heads, the rest of team 7 and their sensei’s followed the hyper-active boy. Dinner passed after much teasing from Kakashi, blushing from Iruka, Sasuke-obsessing from Sakura, eye-rolling from Sasuke, and noodle-slurping from Naruto.

“Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun, why don’t you walk Sakura-chan home, it’s gotten quite dark out. Iruka suggested to the boys of team 7.

“Okay Sensei!” Naruto replied happily. “Let’s go Sakura-chan!”

“What about you Iruka-sensei, will you be alright going home on your own?” Sakura asked her ex-sensei.

“ I’ll be just fine, Sakura-chan. As a chuunin, I think I can handle getting home by myself. Iruka smiled at the girl, before blushing, “ besides, Kakashi-sensei has already offered to walk with me, as it’s on the way to his house.

“Waaah! You better not do anything perverted to Iruka-sensei!” Naruto yelled accusingly . The rest of team 7 nodded and glared at their sensei as well.

“NARUTO!” Iruka yelled back, turning even redder by the second. Chuckling, Kakashi bid his team goodnight, receiving threatening glares from all three of them. They watched their teachers walk away in the opposite direction as they had to go, Naruto noticed that Kakashi was walking closer to Iruka than was strictly necessary.

“Let’s go.” Sasuke said once the two were out of sight.

“ Okay, Sasuke-kun!” Sakura exclaimed before latching herself back onto his arm.

Naruto followed the two, glancing back behind himself a few times before tuning back into Sakura’s chattering.

“So what are you doing next week, Sasuke?” Sakura asked just as Naruto tuned back in.

“Training.” Sasuke grunted back.

“Oh, well, what about the festival. Are you going?” Sakura asked hopefully.

“No.”

“Oh…okay then.” Naruto could see his pink-haired friend deflate a little.

“ Are you going to the festival Sakura?” Naruto asked. He used to have a huge crush on the girl, but now they were just good friends.

“I’m not sure yet…”Sakura replied rather quietly.

“You should come with me and Lee. We’re meeting some of the other genins at the festival. I think TenTen and Neji, Kiba and Hinata, Shikamaru, Chouji, maybe Shino. So if you wanted to join us, it’d be a lot of fun.” Naruto told her with a grin on his face.

“Okay, Naruto. Can you and Lee pick me up? My mom doesn’t want me walking there alone.” Sakura replied with a small smile, now that the boy wasn’t trying to date her, she was much more willing to hang around him.

“Of course.” the blonde responded, returning the smile.

“Oh, here we are.” Sakura announced. “ See you tomorrow Sasuke-kun, Naruto-san.” Sakura said as she walked up to her house.

“Bye Sakura-chan!” Naruto said happily, then headed down the street towards his home. Sasuke was following silently. After about ten minutes of this the blonde nin couldn’t take it anymore.

“What do you want teme! Why are you following me?” He exclaimed to the Uchiha.

“I’m not following you dobe, this is the way to my house.” Sasuke replied calmly and kept walking. Naruto felt really stupid after that and just followed the dark-haired avenger silently. He didn’t realize until Sasuke had stopped in from of his apartment that he hadn’t been watching where he was headed. He’d been watching Sasuke. He never realized before just how attractive his rival really was, with his pitch dark hair, and deep ebony eyes, his pale skin glowing slightly in the moon light.

“You going in, or are you just going to keep staring at me?” Sasuke asked suddenly, breaking the spell.

“I wasn’t staring at you, teme!” Naruto yelled before stomping up to his door.

“Sure you weren’t” Sasuke mumbled as he continued down the path towards his own home. “See you tomorrow, Dobe.”

“Stop calling me that!” Naruto yelled back as he walked into his apartment.

End Flashback

That was the fist time Naruto had really noticed his friend in a more than platonic way. The first, and defiantly not the last. After that day he spent many sleepless nights trying to figure out his feelings for the avenger, and what to do with them. Surely Sasuke wouldn’t want him, he wasn’t even sure Sasuke liked him at all. Even as a friend.

“Come in.” Tsunade’s voice brought him back to the present, and his current problem. “Naruto, did you need something?”

“Yes Tsunade-baba. I want to go on a mission.” Naruto replied.

“A mission? Well, I suppose that could be arranged. What kind of mission would you like?” She asked, a thoughtful look on her face.

“Reconnaissance , or something like it. I need to get away from the village for awhile.” Naruto responded.

“Is there something wrong Naruto-kun? You don’t usually want something as simple as that.” She looked worriedly at one of her favorite new chuunins.

“No, nothings wrong, I just need to think something over.” He smiled at her. Shifting slightly under her gaze. Tsunade could tell he was lying, that there was something the matter. But she decided not to push it.

“Well, since you’ve only recently become a chuunin, I’m rather against sending you on your own. Even most Jounins don’t take missions alone. So how about going along with Lee on his mission. I needed a second Chuunin for it anyways.”

“Okay Tsunade-baba. What’s the mission?”

“Just delivering an invitation to Gaara of the sand. I’d like him to come to Konoha for awhile. There are some things we need to discuss, now that he’s officially the Kazekage.”

“Alright, I’ll get my stuff and meet Lee at the gates.”

“I’ll let him know.”

Naruto leapt out the window and hurried over the rooftops towards his room. Careful to avoid both Sasuke’s house, and the training grounds on the way. He didn’t want to have to deal with his friend until after he got back.

“Naruto-kun! How wonderful that we’ll get to enjoy each others youthful company on this mission!” Lee said in his usually enthusiastic way.

“Yes Lee, it is wonderful.” Naruto said with a grin to the energetic boy.

------------------

“Sakura, have you seen Naruto around?” Sasuke asked the pink-haired girl. “I haven’t seen him for a couple days, and I was hoping we could train together.

“He’s on a mission Sasuke-kun. He left with Lee two days ago. “ Sakura replied. The pink-haired girl had gotten over her obsession with her teammate shortly before the last Chuunin exam, which they also incidentally passed. She was now studying to be a med-nin with Tsunade, and had her eye on a fellow chuunin a few years older than herself. One she had met during her training.

“A mission? For how long?” Sasuke asked.

“I’m not sure Sasuke-kun. All I know was it was just a delivery to the Kazekage. So probably a week or so, if they don’t have any problems along the way.” The girl replied, looking at her friend a little curiously. “Why are you so desperate to train with Naruto-kun, why not as Shikamaru-kun, or Neji-kun to train with you instead?”

“Maybe I will. I just needed to talk to the dobe. But it can wait until he returns.” Sasuke sighed as he left the pink-haired girl to her duties.

Flashback:

“Sasuke-teme, what are you doing here? I thought you told Sakura-chan you wouldn’t be here.” Naruto asked as he approached the dark-haired avenger.

“I changed my mind.” Sasuke replied casually shrugging his shoulders. He looked over the blonde boy, and was surprised to see he was wearing a dark blue yukata, instead of his usual orange outfit. He found out later that the back had a bright orange swirl in the center of it. He also was wearing a yukata for the festival, but his was black with the Uchiha symbol on the back.

“Do you want to come hang out with us then? We’re having lots of fun.” Naruto asked excitedly, as he absentmindedly grabbed the dark haired boys wrist and began dragging him off towards they group of genins.

“Okay dobe, but quit dragging me, I can walk by myself.” the avenger muttered irritated.

“Sorry about that Sasuke.” Naruto murmured with a slight blush as he released the other boy’s wrist.

“Sasuke!” Both Ino and Sakura exclaimed as the boys reached the group. The girls practically knocked Sasuke over in their excitement, but luckily did not stay attached to his side for long. Ino appeared to be there ‘with’ Shikamaru, and Sakura was much to excited about the festival to cling to the object of her obsession. Sasuke noticed that TenTen and Neji, as well as Kiba and Hinata also seemed to be dating. The dark-haired boy spent the evening by Naruto’s side, which luckily nobody seemed to notice.

“So Sasuke, what’d you want to talk about?” Naruto questioned his friend as they walked back towards their respective houses.

“Um...well..” Sasuke started, a blush gracing his cheeks that he hoped the blonde couldn’t see in the dark. “ Do you still like Sakura?”

“What? Sakura? No, we’re just friends. Why? You sure are acting strange Sasuke. Do you have a fever or something?” Naruto asked as he reached out to feel the other boy’s forehead.

“I’m fine dobe.” Sasuke responded irritated, brushing the blondes hand away. He turned and started down the street away from Naruto. Stopping for a moment, he turned back, “Who do you like now?”

“Huh? I-I don’t know, I haven’t thought much about it.” Naruto looked at his friend confused. “Why?”

“No reason.” He replied as he turned back around, and headed home.

End Flashback

That had been almost 6 months ago, that he had almost told Naruto about his feelings for him. It had taken him that long to get up the courage again. He had also used that time to study the blonde; find out if he liked him back, if he even liked guys. Even after all that time, the avenger hadn’t a clue whether his secret love would kiss back, or beat the crap out of him. But he did know that Naruto’s interest wasn’t directed elsewhere either. With that small amount of hope, he’d made his move, and now he wasn’t sure he should have. Naruto taking a mission so suddenly could only mean he was trying to avoid Sasuke, surely the Hokage hadn’t specifically picked Naruto for this mission, although he and Gaara were admittedly close, Lee was close to the Kazekage as well. She could have had anyone go along as his partner, Naruto must’ve went to her about it.

“Sasuke, there you are!” Looking up at the familiar voice, he found Ino sitting patiently on his porch.

“Ino? What’re you doing here?” Sasuke asked, thoroughly confused, Ino hadn’t went looking for him since her and Shikamaru had gotten serious. “Is something wrong?”

“No, not at all Sasuke.” Ino replied casually, “I was just wondering if you knew why Naruto insisted on taking that mission to Suna, I know you two are like best friends now, so I figured if anyone would know, it’d be you.” Sasuke froze up for a minute, not sure how to answer her question. He knew for a fact that Ino was one of the biggest gossips in Konoha. But he was a little curious why she was so interested in Naruto all of a sudden.

“I wouldn’t know, Ino. Maybe he wanted to visit Gaara, they are friends after all. Or maybe he just wanted to get out of the village for awhile, he gets restless when he doesn’t have missions regularly.” Sasuke answered, hoping the girl wouldn’t notice his moment of hesitation. She looked at him suspiciously for a moment, then stood and brushed herself off.

“Okay then, I better go. I’m supposed to meet Shikamaru after his Academy-teacher training. I’ll talk to you later.” He watched as she made her way past him towards the academy.

“hnn” he grunted. Why was Ino so interested in Naruto anyways? He made his way inside, deciding to just head to bed early today.

------------------

“Gaara!” Naruto shouted as they arrived in the hidden village of sand. Bounding over to the boy and glomping him. The first time the blonde had tried that he ended up 20 feet away on his back, the sand thought he was attacking the red-head, but by now Gaara was used to it.

“Naruto.” Gaara greeted him with a small smile, “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Yeah, well, I decided to keep Lee here company on his mission.” Naruto replied averting his eyes and rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Gaara looked at him suspiciously for a moment before tuning to his dark-haired friend.

“Lee, good to see you as well.” Gaara said, he’d lightened up a bit since they all had met. Having real friends, and siblings that weren’t terrified of you could do that to a guy. Motioning that they should follow, Gaara headed towards his home.

Naruto followed the other two, half-heartedly listening to his friends catch up. Although admittedly it was Lee babbling on excitedly to the still mostly silent red-head; they seemed to enjoy each others company quite a bit, hardly paying attention to the unusually quiet blonde following them. In fact, Naruto would have thought they’d forgotten he was there if it weren’t for the occasional curious or concerned glances Gaara kept sending him. After getting to their destination and greeting Temari and Kankarou , Naruto excused himself to the bathroom. On his way back, he stopped suddenly before entering the room the others were in when he heard his name mentioned.

“What’s up with Naruto, he doesn’t seem himself?” He heard Temari ask.

“I’m not sure, but he’s barely spoken since I met them at the gates. And he didn’t even notice the 3 or so ramen stands we passed on the way here. “ Gaara replied thoughtfully.

“Now that you mention it, he was unusually quite and mellow on the way from Konoha as well.” Lee piped up. At this Naruto decided to make his entrance,

“I’m hungry guys, when’re we gonna eat?” he whined as he entered the room. He’d have to watch himself while he was around the others. He wanted this mission so he could think. But if the others became too suspicious about his mood, they may push him into saying what’s wrong. And he was defiantly not ready to talk about it yet. Four pairs of eyes turned to stare at him like he’d just dropped in from another planet, before he got his answer.

“Actually, dinner’s already ready. Since we knew the messenger from Konoha should arrive today we already had something prepared.” Temari replied, breaking the awkward silence that was caused by the blonde’s abrupt mood change. The boys followed her into the dining area, and soon the sounds of four teenage boys eating was all to be heard. After dinner, the leaf-nins were shown to their rooms, the purpose of their mission was to be discussed the following morning. Naruto however couldn’t sleep, again. He’d barely gotten more than an hour or two’s sleep throughout the journey to Suna, and it didn’t look like it was going to be any better now that he was here. Getting up from his comfortable bed, the blonde decided he needed to take a walk, get some fresh air, and try to clear his mind of anything and everything Sasuke related.

After walking around the village for at least an hour, the normally energetic ninja stumbled across a small park. It was quiet, and kind of reminded him of the park he used to play in when he was a kid, and best of all; their was no one around. He’d ran into a few drunks, and gotten some strange looks from people on their way home, now he was ready for some real alone time to think. Sitting down on the swing, he relaxed and decided he needed to think about the one thing he’d been avoiding since it had happened, the kiss.

Flashback:

“Mmm, that new ramen flavor is my new favorite.” Naruto exclaimed as he headed down the street towards his house. A silent Sasuke following behind him. “Today couldn’t get any better, first I beat you in our spar, then you treat me to ramen.”

“You didn’t beat me, I was distracted.” Sasuke mumbled. Naruto turned slightly to look back at his stoic friend. The slight pout on the dark-haired boys face made him burst into giggles, which only caused the other boy to glare darkly at him.

“ What’s so funny, Dobe?” Sasuke asked, a threatening tone in his voice.

“You-you-you’re POUTING!” Naruto gasped out between laughs.

“ I am NOT POUTING!” Sasuke exclaimed.

“You are defiantly pouting, Sasuke-kuuun.”

“Grrr….shut up Dobe, or..”

“Or what? You’re gonna pout at me some more?”

“Grrr…”

“Aargh!”

At that point the flustered Uchiha tackled his rival-turned-best friend. Rolling around on the ground the boys fought furiously to pin the other down. Unfortunately for Naruto, he still hadn’t seemed to hit a growth spurt yet, so the Uchiha won simply by being the larger of the two.

“Sasuke, get off me!” Naruto yelled at the boy who was now straddling his hips holding him down.

“No.” the larger boy answered simply. That’s when Naruto realized just how close their faces were, as Sasuke’s breathe brushed against his lips. Taking a shuddering breathe he pleaded with the boy, now needed him off more than ever. Preferably before a certain part of his body took notice of the incredibly sexy Uchiha on top of him.

“P-please Sasuke…….I-I can’t breathe.” Naruto stuttered, hoping Sasuke would believe his fib. Suddenly Sasuke got a look in his eyes Naruto couldn’t recall seeing before, but he didn’t get the chance to ponder it long. He was soon distracted from such ponderings by a pair of soft lips caressing his. So shocked, Naruto didn’t do anything. He didn’t respond, he didn’t struggle, he just laid their, eyes wide as his best friend kissed him. Too soon it stopped, and Sasuke slowly got up, realizing the blonde from his weight.

“N-Naruto, I-I…” Sasuke started, but Naruto barely heard him as his senses retuned and he fled.

End Flashback

As Naruto sat their swinging silently, thinking about that kiss with Sasuke, he realized something. He hadn’t wanted it to end, he regretted not responding, not getting to see just how good it could feel kissing his best friend. Why had he run? Why did he take this mission? He’d known for almost 6 months that he wanted Sasuke. Why, now that Sasuke had shown he also wanted Naruto did he turn tail and run? It was because it scared him. It scared him to death that someone may actually feel the same way for him that he did for Sasuke. That for the first time in his life he had the chance to be loved by someone, really loved. Of course Iruka-sensei loved him, but that was family love. But this…this could be the real thing. And what scared him even more than that, was that he could lose it. If he accepted Sasuke, it would hurt that much more if he lost him.

“Naruto?” He looked up into sea-green eyes, Gaara had discovered his hiding place.

“Gaara, what are doing up?” Naruto asked, startled by the red-head’s sudden appearance.

“I told you before Naruto…I don’t sleep.” Gaara replied sadly, taking the swing next to the blonde. They swung in silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts.

“Something’s wrong, you’ve been much to quite this visit.” Gaara said, breaking their comfortable silence.

“Yeah, I know” Naruto replied. Gaara didn’t say anything to that, he just watched his blonde friend silently.

“I think…I think I’m in love.” the kitsune admitted, still not looking up at his friend. “Sasuke, he kissed me. And I ran away. I think it’s because I love him.”

“Then shouldn’t you hold him, not run fro him?” Gaara asked calmly, the slight confusion apparent only in his eyes. He didn’t know much about love, but from what he’d learned running away wasn’t the normal reaction to being kissed by the one you love.

“Heh, yeah, you’re probably right.” Naruto said finally looking up at the sand nin, “But I was scared. If I love him, then I can lose him.”

“Ah.” Gaara replied thoughtfully. “But if you don’t love him, aren’t you losing him anyways?”

“When did you become so smart about love, Gaara?” Naruto smiled, his friend was right.

Gaara just smiled and got up from the swing, “Come on, we should get back. Lee is worried about you.”

“Okay, I suppose you’re right…” Naruto started, but then realized something. “Wait, Lee knows I’m gone, but..”

“He was with me when you left…” Gaara replied as he walked away.

Naruto quickly caught up with him, confusion overtaking him. Why was Lee with Gaara so late. Wouldn’t he have rather slept than stayed up with their insomniac of a friend.

----------------

“Naruto! We were starting to wonder if you and Lee had decided to live in Suna!” Iruka exclaimed as the blonde entered the missions office. Sasuke was also glad to see his friend back, but nervous as to how to act towards him. It had been almost a month since their kiss, and the after effect of Naruto running off on a mission.

“Yeah, Lee and Gaara kept putting off the reason of our mission. I think they just wanted to spend more time together, if you know what I mean…”Naruto winked at his ex-sensei as he hinted at the reason for his long absence. Which caused Iruka to blush darkly as he realized what Naruto was implying.

“Hmm, Lee and Gaara of the sand, huh? Never would have guessed. ”Kakashi interrupted from next to Sasuke, they’d been in the missions office filling in for a few sick Chuunins that usually worked with Iruka. Kakashi had only agreed to it because it gave him more of a chance to pick on Iruka, who was still adamantly avoiding his advances. And Sasuke had been guilt-tripped in to it by a very manipulative Iruka.

“Yeah, quite a shocker, eh sensei.” Naruto replied, but Sasuke realized he’d just been spotted by the blonde as he looked up into cerulean eyes. Without breaking eye contact with him, Naruto kept up his conversation with the two sensei’s, whom Sasuke was sure had noticed that the blonde never took his gaze from Sasuke.

“Poor Iruka-sensei, being stuck in here with the second most perverted ninja in Konoha, and the stoic, grumpy Uchiha.” Naruto teased.

“Well, they’re the only one’s I could get to come take over” Iruka admitted quietly. “Although it’s time to head home now, so they’re free to go.” Sasuke broke the gaze with Naruto to look over at his fellow Chuunin who was looking at him meaningfully. Which could only mean one thing, Kakashi had blabbed. His perverted sensei was the only one who’d been able to get out of the stubborn boy why he was so distracted as of late, and now he’s told Iruka-sensei, who was the closest thing to family Naruto had. Glaring at Kakashi, Sasuke got up and headed out the doors, not ever giving Naruto a passing glance. It was just too much, he couldn’t handle Naruto’s rejection.

“Sasuke, Wait up!” He heard Naruto yelling to him as he made his way towards the safety of his home. “Come on Teme! Wait up!”

“Damn it Sasuke! I know you heard me.” Naruto panted as he finally caught up with the avenger. “I need to talk to you about something.”

“Forget it dobe, “ Sasuke stated, trying to keep the hurt and anger out of his voice. “You leaving for a month told me everything I needed to know”

“B-but Sasuke, I-I didn’t…” Naruto started.

“Just leave me alone.” the Uchiha muttered as he sped up.

He was unexpectedly grabbed by the shoulders and spun around. Warm lips covering his own, and a wet tongue probing into his partially open mouth. After the initial shock wore off, the taller boy wrapped his arms around the blonde’s waist pulling his closer as he deepened the kiss. Not noticing that they were in plain view of anybody that decided to venture down the main street at this time, they kissed and held each other until they were forced to pull apart for air.

“I love you Teme.” Naruto gasped. “I was just scared of it at the time.”

“I love you too Dobe” Sasuke replied with a rare smile as he leaned in for another soul-searing kiss.

Finish....

Katamari

Title: Katamari

Author: tsubaki-hana

Series: Naruto

Rating: T

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto Masashi.

Summary: Deidara has always liked to watch things fall apart. One-shot ficlet, slight Deidara/Naruto.

---

Seaside is heaven/ Neverside is go

Suicide is heaven/ New blood is go

-Buck-Tick, “Aikawarazu no are Katamari”

---

He watches, he always watches when others are around, but most people don’t realize it until much later. That strange clicking and whirring noise, the sound of cicadas and wind, hidden by his blonde hair; it is an eye, and it is always, always, -always-...watching the others. Deidara has never properly understood it, but he can feel it in the little electrical impulses, in the grease he puts around his eye socket, and by the monotonous shuttering on his camera’s eye.

For something that is so perfect in its function, it lacks aesthetic, something that Deidara is woefully aware of. He has tried everything to hide its mechanical gleam, to eliminate it as a part of face. He has distanced himself from it, covered it where no one will remind him that it is there; it is a separate entity that has stolen his artist’s vision and replaced it with the coldness of the machine. It’s unnatural, it’s preposterous, for something to last so long with no sign of age or decay. He has half a mind to rip it, pry it, -pull- it from his skull, feel the wiring stretch and flicker along his empty eyelids and bleed over into his immaculately pale blonde hair. He can hear the suction it would give off, the squelch of unraveling from his spine and sinuses.

Such ruin is beautiful unto itself to him. The human form is amazing, and perhaps can only be seen as such when each piece of it is presented separately.

He does not know how long he will be able to go without an itching hand destroying his face. (That’s right, isn’t it, because even you must fall apart someday; you want to, feeling the gunpowder and nitrate laced clay in your different pockets and press against the whorls and arches of your fingerprints. The end is seeking out your every line and space.)

From the depths of a mirror, the red lens of his not-eye will narrow with octagonal plastic and click at him. It had bothered him the first time he had seen it. He’d like to think that it is taking pictures of moments, ones that he cannot see, like some creature that has placed its link to the world into his very vision (and if it is an animal, might it be your humanity? It has been strangely quiet lately). The light always seems much rosier from that eye, and Deidara would like to think that it is his hot blood leaking into the wires like water in roots, turning the flowers to decay.

How quaint, Deidara thinks disgustedly; he must crush this inorganic life form, because even the vision of something thriving off of him makes him angry.

Nonetheless, this eye sees more than he does, and he accepts that, feeling his vision tilt on occasion, letting his gaze be both before and next to him. Very little about the others escapes him, whether it be the way that Kisame taps his foot and reeks of violence in the still frame of him, or how Hidan grasps his pendant between his fingers when nervous about something. If anyone notices, it is Sasori, who always seems to know when the eyes are upon him, any eyes are upon him. Deidara does not look at Sasori if he can help it.

(A man with his consciousness strapped to a doll through cork and pine; you think Sasori as the modern-day kugutsujin, the puppet man that is seeking out his ability to feel but destroying anything that might help him. Even now you know he is killing his grandmother, and you laugh at the irony.)

On more than one occasion he has felt it shift and while he does not acknowledge it, he knows that whatever photograph it has taken will be brutal and honest in his mind’s eye. (You don’t sleep very well because of it, do you, Deidara? Oh no, you feel it, -feel- it like nothing else you have experienced, the looks of people that have died near you, the little granules of sand on the ground, the sun westering...you see in more than one point of view, one in glassy organic blue and the other in steel and laser cutting, and you’re running out of room to keep it.)

Deidara lives in these moments.

To see the whole story, to feel everything that happens between, above, and beyond the lines would surely send him over the edge (and of what, you wonder, as people always treat it like a cliff, some precipice that people simply fall over and into. Oceans drown, valleys crush, and an abyss starves; which would you choose for yourself?)

This time, this time when he feels the sudden change in his vision without being able to perceive what it is exactly, he is running from the remnant of the Akatsuki meeting, his partner far behind him and facing the two ladies that come from Sand and Konoha to recover the deceased Kazekage. In his own fashion does he escape, on the back of a false eagle, an imitation (which is the closest you’ll ever get to life; do you feel like cheap god yet?). It is not that he is particularly afraid of Hatake Kakashi and his student, but he is no fool, and without his partner, he would likely be defeated or killed.

Sparing a glance behind him, he sees the quickly moving ninja, blurs against the foliage that barely disrupt the surroundings. Hatake is as unshakable as rumored, simply locking his gaze onto his target with ease. But it is not Hatake but his young student that catches Deidara’s eyes (both of them, something that you are not accustomed to and are slightly afraid of because already your vision is doubling. Even if they look at the same object, your eyes see two very different things.)

The first thing he notices is the garish orange and black outfit, seeking attention. (You suspect that it is intentional.) There is a brashness written in every flex of his muscle, an undeniable reckless drive that makes each step a little quicker, a little more substantial than the one before.

This boy, no, this man is more -real-, more physical than anything that he has ever properly seen before. Uzumaki Naruto, as he had introduced himself, was a thing entirely of flesh and blood, driving himself to somewhere that he could not determine, but felt that it did not exist.

Itachi does not speak often to the other Akatsuki members, even less of the conflicts involving his family and Konoha. Deidara does not ask, but he does hear. It is fully known that Uchiha Sasuke now lives with Orochimaru, the traitor from their ranks. (You see no beauty in his art, because he always draws it out, makes you wait to see the finish. They are so quiet, these finishing moments, that you cannot see the value in it. It is not poignant to the viewer, only the subject.)

It is also known that the very same Kyuubi vessel that chases him now hinges everything on Uchiha Sasuke, lets his mind and body work for one person; it is not himself. How pitiful it is to Deidara, who looks through the analytical fake gaze. ( You know nothing of selflessness and why start now?)

He has a strong heart, he thinks to himself, that thing of rhythm and meat that he wishes he could tear from his own chest, just to see it wind down. He’s never seen a heart explode, but there is a certain aesthetically pleasing feeling that it gives him. The world will end by fire; he’s heard it spoken in every culture.

He turns forward again smiling to himself, thinking of how beautiful it would be to rip the boy open, to see everything still connected and living and thriving, because contrary to the saying, Deidara is quite certain he can see inside of someone easily; he only needs a very sharp knife.

What a useless thing the heart is, a lump, a mass of muscle that simply pushes fluid through the body. It is not very appealing to see, all veins and openings that he can still feel beating around his fingers (the vena cava felt strange did it not, choking you out of the body of that enemy, fighting the intrusion even when it is useless? You laughed at that time, pointing Sasori over to it, telling him that even when closed off.

“How foolish the heart is, isn’t it? The mind gives up and yet here it is, trying to be stronger even when it cannot, un.”

Sasori had said nothing, but said that for a person with a beating heart, you were cruel to others and gentle on your own.

You said nothing, but tried to ignore that squeezing from inside.)

He could destroy it, in this moment he could turn around and crush whatever it is that this kid is running for (it is certainly not for him, and it is certainly not for the dead Kazekage, no matter what he might say otherwise. It has been written in his face for a long time, a crease between the eyes and hurtful blue eyes that are far more expressive and deep than Deidara’s own.) He could squeeze the life out of him, bruise his heart with his own hands. He is an S-class criminal for a reason, and he will not hesitate.

The notion, the idea, the thought of it fills Deidara with a vague sense of ecstacy. He could revere this boy with his hands, watch as death gave a transient glory to the blonde boy with icy hooks that Deidara can sometimes see with that inhuman eye. (You’ve always loved how they change from unbearably hot, searing to that calm chill that comes post mortem. As an artist, you’ve always made it a point to set their faces in something resembling happiness; it is a hollow smile you make for them.) He is an artist, and it is his calling to watch all things change as dramatically as he wishes.

You love something that you will never have, he thinks, and you will burn out because of it. May I watch? And he wants to watch it all, in the cavity of the boy’s chest and in his fathoms deep eyes. (The ocean drowns, didn’t you say so yourself?) He is in love with the action, the concept of bursting with ache and need. He does not love the boy, but he loves what he has the potential to become.

His inorganic eye focuses, clicks, and hums, as though developing the image. He hopes that he will be able to look back on it, replay it constantly.

(May you watch?)

Uzumaki Naruto gives a shudder and runs headlong into the arms of art divine.

Deidara smiles, feeling the clay beneath his hands, and feels the metal wrapped around his skull and into his spine, pulling like a living thing. He sees the shudder, and feels a matching one of his own.

He always watches the others.

He likes to see them slowly fall apart.

Finish

The word “katamari” means lump or mass.

Gai sensei Nightmare

Gai sensei Nightmare

Part 1

It was a beautiful morning, the sky was blue, children was having fun with each other, the birds sang, and everybody seemed to be happy, to bad that it couldn’t last forever.

Walking down the streets, Gai looked forward to see his students, well most Lee. Since they promised that the next time they saw each other they would be a lot stronger.

-- At another place --

A boy with closed eyes was starting to get a headache, because his to teammates was yelling at each other, about what, he really didn’t care.

´´ Gai sensei is the best! ´´ yelled Lee.

´´Oh come on Lee, he is an idiot! ´´ screamed Tenten.

´´No he’s not! ´´

´´ Yes he is! ´´

As they continued, Neji couldn’t take it anymore.

´´ Shut up! Damn it! I’m getting a headache! ´´

With tears in his eyes Lee started, ´´ but she just insulted Gai sensei! ´

´´And the problem is?´´

´´That Gai sensei is the best! ´´

´ Not again…! ´ thought Tenten.

´´Lee...´´ said Tenten calm.

´´ He is the best. ´´

´´ Lee… ´´ she said calm, but if you listen carefully you could hear that she was getting a little frustrated.

´´The best! ´´

´´Lee! ´´

´´The… aw, Tenten that hurt´´ he said while robbing his head.

´´ Really…? ´´ She said with a smirk

´Why God, why did you put me these two…! ´

-- Back to Gai --

´ Today is going to be a nice day, with many missions, and a lot of happy faces, and when I’m going to see Hatake Kakashi face when I beat him! ´

-- Gai´s fantasy --

After a hard battle, for Kakashi, he fell to his knees looked up at Gai and said: ´you truly are the best! ´

´ Yes I am, and remember that! ´ He said proudly.

And did his ´nice guy pose´ and you could hear a pling when he smiled.

Then Kakashi stood up, looked Gai in the eye and said: Where did you buy that spandex?

´ Oh this, well I got it at the ´SpanColour´ (me: sorry, couldn’t find a better name.)

And soon Neji came and asked: What about your hair?

´My hair, well, my mom cuts it´.

And soon everybody came, and asked Gai about where he bought his clothes and what shampoo he used and etc.

-- End of fantasy –

A big smile came to his face, as he thought about it. But unfortunately he was so deep in his fantasy that he didn’t notice the tree he was about to hit.

´´ Hey mister, look out for that tr… ´´

It was already too late…

Part 2
Found you sensei

---

´´Oh my, is he all right? ´´ asked an old lady, ´´ maybe he is dead! ´´ said a little boy with fear.

´´ I don’t think so…´´ said another lady.

And soon many more people had gather around to see what was going on.

--Back to the team—

´´Aw, it still hurt Tenten, you didn’t have to hit that hard…´´

´´Take it like a man Lee! ´´

Tears started to gather in his eyes.

´´Come on Lee, I didn’t hit you that hard…´´

´´But still…´´ he then gave her a sad face, (you know, that look, that makes you feel guilty, even though the person deserved it)

Neji started to massage his temples, his headache was getting worse, he then rose from his spot under the tree to get away from the others.

´´Hey, where are you going Neji? ´´ asked Tenten.

´Think, think…´ he started to panic, ´´um, to the toilet… but I will be back soon (me: Yeah right!)

´´Then I’m coming with you! ´´ said Lee.

´DAMN! ´ he screamed in his mind, ´´ Lee, ´´ he started calm, but that didn’t last long, ´´ I’m 13, I don’t any need help! ´´ And with that sentence finished he turned his back and began to walk away from them.

Lee looked back at Tenten, whose eyes said ´idiot´ as she shocked her head.

There was an odd silence between them, but Tenten soon broke it, by saying, ´´Do you think he will come back…? ´´

´´Not really…´´

-- Neji –

´Finally free, but I wonder what takes Gai so long, should I walk by his house… ´

He then stood silent for about 3 minutes, should he or should he not…

´Nah… he is probably on his way…´

But soon he realized that he was going the same way as Gai house where.

´I’m already there, so why should I turn around and go back? ´

´´Sigh…´´

As he came closer he saw a crowd of people, what they where looking at, he didn’t know.

´´Excuse me, ´´ he asked a man, ´´ what is it kid? ´´ ´ who are calling kid, you… ´ ´´ what is it people are looking at…? ´´

He then looked over his shoulder, looked back at Neji and said, ´´ some man with big, no I huge eyebrows! ´´

´ What have he done now? ´ ´´ Excuse me´´ he said again trying to get pass the people, ´´ but that’s my teacher, so would you please make some space…´´

´´Well, sure´´ ´´Of course´´

He carefully lifted his sensei’s arm over his shoulder, luckily his house weren’t so far away.

But unfortunately he was a little heavy…

´Damn you, when you wake, I swear to God I’m gonna kill you´

-- Lee and Tenten ---

´´ I wonder what Neji is doing… do you have any ideas Lee…? ´´

´´No, why do you ask…´´

´´I don’t know…´´

Another silence came over them…

´´ Oh my GOD! Gai sensei is late! ´´

´´And the problem is…? ´´ said Tenten not really caring about it…

´´What should we do! ´´

´´Wait for him…´´

´´What if someone attacked him! ´´

Tenten looked back at Lee, ´´ What…! Oh my god, we have save to him! ´´

´´Lee… he is a Jounin, don’t you think he take care of him self! ´´

´´ Oh my god! I’m so sorry Gai sensei, that I didn’t trust your amazing powers! ´´

´´ Idiot…´´

Part 3
The game

---

“Sigh…” it came from Lee, who almost fell asleep, “Lee…” “What…?” he said looking up at her

“Lets play a game!” Tenten said with grin, ´She is up to something, I just know that! ´

“Come on it’ll be fun!” “ What kind of game “ he said trying to get away, it was going to be bad.

´Oh no, not that game! ´ He then stood up looked down Tenten with a serious face, and said. “ Yes, there will be blood…”

She just looked at him, opened her mouth to say something then shut it, trying to say something again but still nothing came out.

When she still didn’t replied to what he said, she just crossed her arms over her chest, and looking the other way, trying to come up with something.

“Ha! I knew it! You psychopath, did you think I would fall that easily for your plan! But unfortunately for you! I’ve already seen that movie! One point to Lee, zero to Tenten!”

She slowly turned her head, and whispered, “What did you just call me!”

´Oh my God! What have I done! I just pissed Tenten off! ´

When she didn’t still didn’t got any answer, she whispered again, but a louder this time, “What did you just call me!”

´Okay, just walk… slowly… slowly… and no matter what, don’t look her in the eye…´ he kept thinking as he was trying to get away from her.

“Lee! Answer me for crying out loud! What did you just call me?”

Now he really was scared, he threw himself down at her feet, and started to hug her leg, while he kept on saying: I’msosorryTentenI’msosorryI’msosorry...

“Sigh…” ´Now it wasn’t even funny anymore…´

“Hey Lee! You can let go of my leg now…” she said annoyed.

He looked up at her, with tears falling from his eyes, “sure…”

But when he was about to stand up, she kicked him right in his balls (Me: Poor Lee…)

His face went pale, “Aww…” Was the only thing that escaped his mouth before he hit the ground.

“ That can maybe learn you not to call me a psychopath again!”

“Aww… It hurts! Damn you Tenten! That’s was unfair! Aww…”

He said rolling from side to side covering his, (Me: I think you get the picture now…..)

After several minutes with, Lee’s complaining and Tenten’s “Then you shouldn’t have called me a psychopath”, he just realized something.

“You bitch! Why did you kick me in the balls, if you knew I called you a psychopath?”

´Oh shit, come on Tenten, an idea, an idea….! ´

“Well, the answer is very simple Lee. Have you ever seen the movie ‘American Pie’?”

“Stupid slut, what has the movie to do with that you kicked me in the balls!”

She kicked him again… (Me… I’m so sorry Lee)

“Aww, the pain, the pain! Damn you! I feel like my youth is leaving me!”

“Then don’t interrupt me!”

“The pain!”

And even more minutes went by; with Lee’s complaining and Tenten’s “Then you shouldn’t have called me a slut”.

Then she took a deep breath and started again, “Anyway, there is a part in the movie when the main character gets laid, right, and the girl keeps screaming ´what’s my name?´, and he doesn’t answer her, ´what’s my name bitch´ then he says… actually I don’t remember her name… but do you get the point now?”

“What has that to do with the point that you kicked me in the balls?”

“I don’t know, maybe it was because you called me a psychopath!”

He stood up walked past her and soon came back again with a stick.

“What are you going to do with that stick?” she asked, apparently curious.

“I’m going to draw a line, between you and me, you stay on your side, and I’ll do the same!”

She looked at him while he was drawing the line, and asked, “What will stop me, if I don’t?”

Lee looked choked, “The power of youth will stop you!” and did his nice guy pose.

“Fine then, I don’t care…”

As they both sat down, Lee started to stare at Tenten.

At first, she tried to ignore it, but then it was too much, “Why do you keep staring at me!”

“Yes… there will be blood”

“Idiot…” she whispered under breath.

And there they sat, without saying a word to each other.

“Do you want play a game?” asked Tenten with grin.

“Yes… there will be blood!”

Part 4
Drugs?

---

‘Finally!’ Neji thought as he reached Gai sensei house.

He kicked the door, and laid him on the couch, and went into the kitchen trying to make some tea. But when he opened the cupboard something felt out, he picked it up to get a closer look.

It was apparently some white powder in a bag.

“What the…?” He said aloud, then he searched the whole kitchen to see if he could find some more or maybe something related to it. And of course he did, some of it were pills others were powder, “That youthful junkie! I knew it!”

Soon he searched the whole house, and he just found even more.

He looked down at the sensei, ‘I wonder if he have given Lee some…’

Then he heard a knock at the front door; he went to opened it and saw two guys whom apparently were high, very high. “Wow!” said one of them and blinking a couple of times, “I think I took to much this time!” He just looked at them, then slammed the door in their face, ‘It had nothing to do with all the drugs I’ve just found’

Then there were another knock on the door, he then went and opened it just a little and asked, “What do you want?” The two guys looked at each other with a confused look, then they looked at Neji, and one of the guys asked; “ Aren’t this Maito Gai´s house?” He slammed the door once again, “That wasn’t the question…”

And once again there was another knock on the door, “Damn it!” “What do want?” he asked angrily, the two looked at each other then at Neji, then the other guy said lazy; We are here to deliver some drugs to Gai…”

And showed Neji a whole bag of marijuana it. He looked at it with big eyes, then at the guys, and slowly asked; where do you know Gai from?”

“We are his good old junkie friends.”

“Junkie friends…?”

“Yeah man! Junkie friends!”

Neji just shook his head, “just give me the bag, and get of here…”

“Yeah sure…” they said, gave him the bag and walked away.

He then closed the door, threw the bag at Gai, and went out to the kitchen to make some tea.

It was going to take some time, so he decides that maybe he could wake Gai up and get an explanation.

He stared down at him, lifted his hand, and started to slap him in the face. After a couple of minutes with some slapping, he decided to stop since it wasn’t working.

‘What now?’ he thought (Me: Well you could always throw some cold water…) ‘Thank you’ he thought with a smile.

And out of nowhere he got a bucket of cold water, and threw it at him.

‘Thanks for nothing!’ he thought angrily.

(Me: Don’t worry, he’ll wake up…) ‘Are you sure…?’ (Me: Of course I am!)

Then 3 minutes went by, as he stood there looking down at his sensei, ‘You said that he’d wake up…’ (Me: and…?) ‘He hasn’t…’ (Me: What about the tea…)

“Lazy writer…” he muttered under his breath, (Me: I heard that!) So he went into the kitchen, pour him self a cup of tea, and took a small sip, but of course the tea was to hot so he got his tongue burned. (Me: muhahahahahahahaha cougcough ahem hahahahahahah)

He then shot a death glare at me, and started to shake his fist while saying: You just got yourself an enemy!” (Me: I’m the writer, what can you do?) He looked down at the floor crossing his arms and tried to come up with something.

Then he looked up with a evil smirk, and said: I could always leave…” (Me: How? I’m the writer, I can even make you to take some marijuana…) “You wouldn’t dare to!” (Me: Oh really, and where do you know that from?) “Well,” he started crossing his arms, “I’ve heard that I’m one of your favourite persons from Naruto…”

(Me: Shut up…)

So, after the little chat he had with the writer (Me) he continued to drink his tea, but then, an idea came to his mind.

He stood up, took some of the drugs and went into the back yard. He laid it down on the ground, took out his lighter (Me: I don’t where he got it) and started to burn it all.

“Burn baby, burn! Muhahahahahahahaha!” By the way, he had of course removed all the pot and marijuana.

Smoke filled the air, and soon came into the house. Gai slowly opened his eyes and noticed all the smoke, “What the hell…” he then heard someone yelling “Burn baby, Burn” ‘that sounded like Neji…’ he thought.

“But what is he doing here?” so he of course went out side, and saw his precious drugs being burned. His eyes almost fell out of his head, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” He screamed,

“Neji, what have you done, my drugs…” he said, almost crying. Neji just turned his head to see Gai, crossing his arms he looked down at him, who apparently were on his knees.

“Why Neji, why?” He sounded like someone from a soap opera, who just found out that her boyfriend slept with her sister.

“What about given me an explanation?” he replied angrily, “But I needed it!” but instead he got hit in the face, “Are people just deaf or something?” he yelled frustrated.

So there they stood, while Gai was complaining over the pain and Neji yelling at me, because he thought that I just should end this stupid chapter.

But after they were done yelling, they instead were in the living room. Sitting across each other,

“Are you now going to give me an explanation?” Neji asked serious. Gai just gave a nod.

Part 5
Let the game begin

---

“Is that a yes or no?” Tenten asked confused, he really didn’t want to play her stupid game, cause he had seen in many movies when they were playing games, some of them got killed.

He shuddered by the thought.

So he had two choices, get killed by a game, or get killed by boredom, either way, it was not going to be fun.

“Well, what do you say?”

He took a deep breath, ‘here goes nothing’, “Yes, but what kind of game is it?” he was definitely going to regret it.

Tenten started to smile, Lee felled relieved, maybe it was not going to be that bad, but then her smile changed and looked kind of evil, only God knew what ran trough her mind.

“I don’t have a name for the game, but the rules are very simple.”

Isn’t that what the bad guy says, ‘the rules are very simple’ but it some how always turns to be the opposite.

“Are you even listening to me? Great, now I have start over, you are supposed to find reasons why to not hate Gai sensei, and I am supposed to find reasons why to hate him. And it can’t get any simpler then that.”

That sounded pretty easy but… “What happens if you lose?” he asked carefully.

“Ha! That’s the best part; the winner then has to find out what the loser shall do for a whole year! And it can be anything you want!”

“Anything” he repeated just to be sure, “yes Lee, anything” “ anything…?” then he got hit in the face, “pervert!” she yelled angrily.

“But you just said anything you wanted”, “that doesn’t mean literally anything!” she said with her face flushed, to think that Lee was that kind of guy.

“Then why did you say anything? Couldn’t you’ve just say, almost anything?” She didn’t bother to explain, thinking maybe this wasn’t a good idea, but they had to somehow kill time.

“So…” she started “shall I begin, since you don’t have any questions…” “Why not, ladies first” then he got hit in the face again.

“The pain!” he yelled, she didn’t say anything just kept on looking at him, “are you done…?” he looked at her, “no…” he gritted through his teeth, “then hurry up already!”.

“But why did you hit me?” he couldn’t see what he had done wrong, he just agreed with her starting, nothing more nothing less.

“That doesn’t work on me!” you should be deaf if you couldn’t hear that she was pissed off, “But what did I do?” he started to panic, what in the world had he done wrong.

“You said yes to I should start” “that, isn’t a reason you should hit me, and by the way, you’ve said it yourself that you wanted to start”.

Women, maybe Shikamaru were right, they were to troublesome, no matter what you said, it didn’t seemed to satisfied them, or what you did, so all you could was nod and say: yes dear.

But all guys are different; some would die for them, other kill for them, some would say yes other no, they were all different.

And so were women.

It was best if he just let her begin without saying anything.

“He is noisy...” she started “you’re wrong…” “What do you mean by I’m wrong?” “That’s the sound of youth, and that my friend is not noise”.

“Its your turn” it was not worth it starting an argument, “he is very good at tai jutsu!” he said proud, “I can't say no to that…” she would have been lying, if she said that was wrong.

“His hair and eyebrows” he blinked a couple of times, “what about it” “just look at it!” “The problem is?” “He gets his hair cut by his ‘youthful’ mother” (Me: no offence to those who get their hair cut by their mothers)

“Tenten, have you’ve seen his mother, she is pretty youthful when you think about how old she is.”

“Anyway, it stills count” she said determined, she definitely didn’t want to lose, only God knew what he had planned for her.

“He is a great sensei!” “Hmm, sometimes he is, but not when he won't take no for an answer, and do you know how annoying that is! I mean, for Gods sake, he is 27 but acts like one about 4 or 7!”

“That is the springtime of youth!” “I wonder when it’ll be winter….” She said with a smile, it was kinda funny, no matter what time of the year it was; it always was the springtime of youth.

“He is a powerful shinobi” “who wont stop talking about Kakashi or the ‘springtime of youth and so on!” “How dare you insult…” “Its your turn…” she interrupted, he could go on about it for hours, so it was for the best.

“Well, he is a great friend” “I wouldn’t know about that, since I don’t hang around him that much” “Yeah that’s true”.

She knew it was her turn, but she couldn’t find a reason to not love him, of course there were times he acted like a big baby with a very bad haircut, and others times he was a great sensei with a very bad haircut.

“He’s a slave driver” “what do you mean by, ‘he’s a slave driver?”

One angry glance from her made him move away from her, ‘yes, there will be blood’ why did he say yes?

“He wakes us up sometimes about 4 am, to train, just because he wants us to beat team 7, so he can prove, that his students are more youthful than Kakashi’s!” “He only wish the best for us!” Lee protested.

“Okay, shall we continue…” he asked with a smile, she looked a little bit pissed, but then her face softened, ‘weird…’ he thought.

“He is trustworthy” “I don’t know him that much, but he do seem trustworthy” “So, do you still think he is a slave driver?” “Yes”.

“You don’t have to be that cruel” “I can always get crueller, by saying, he has a very bad taste for clothes”.

Tears were falling from his eyes, and he started to sob quietly, “don’t cry Lee, I didn’t mean like that…” but he didn’t stop, so she moved over to him, and hugged him, while saying “its only a game”.

But what she didn’t knew was that he were smiling, ‘girls are so easy, well some of them are’.

“Tenten, please… let go…” “Why?” “I… can’t… breath…”

“Oh, poor thing, there there, I’m here” she said with an evil smile. Don’t worry; she did let go before anything serious happened.

“Are you done?” she asked, “just a sec…” so a couple of seconds went by, while Lee was trying to catch his breath.

“He’s a caring guy who will never try to choke his own students” “But when they are bad, he hit them” “and say that he is sorry, and it were for their own good”.

“He can sometimes overreact” “because he cares for us” “ its your turn…”

“Never gives up!” “That’s true… and he is still trying to make Neji and me wear the green spandex…”

Then he got nosebleed, “Lee, whats the matter?” she asked concerned, it was best if she didn’t found out that what ran trough his mind.

“Nothing, nothing is wrong,” he said quickly using he’s sleeve to remove the blood.

“His nice guy pose…”

He didn’t say anything, just sat there and looking at her.

“You take it pretty well Lee…”

He just gave a nod; no emotions were shown in his eyes, but she didn’t say anything.

And in the next second, he was back to himself, only God knew what he thought for a second ago.

“What do you want me to do…?” he knew when he was defeated, but he didn’t had any regrets, he fought well.

So she leaned over and whispered in his ear…. His eyes got wide, “no, I can’t do that Tenten!” “Tsk tsk Lee, you knew what happened if you lost, now you have to pay” and started to laugh like a crazy.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Part 6
Raining men!

---

“For your sake, let it be a good one…”

He felt his heart pump harder and faster minute by minute, and started to breath heavily, he was going to die, if he didn’t get anything in the next minute.

“Excuse me, I’ll be back in a second” he said with a forced smile, and rushed out to the bathroom.

Neji just leaned back in the sofa waiting; he knew what his sensei was going after, to bad it wasn’t in there, he thought and chuckled.

In the bathroom Gai started to panic, he couldn’t find it anyway, “Oh God no…” he was starting to shake little, he had to find it, before it was too late.

“Neji!” he yelled, maybe he knew where it was, but if he didn’t, he could always use byakugan, “Neji!”

“What?” “I need your help!” He had no choice, but to go out and see what was wrong. “For God’s sake, he is 27, and needs help in the bathroom” he muttered under his breath.

He knocked carefully on the door, “Neji!” he yelled out, and was prepared to hug his saver, instead he got hit the face.

“Idiot…” he panted, “you nearly gave me a heart attack! Who the hell, jumps out from the bathroom screaming!” (Me: it’s not fun when someone does that!)

“Me… and sometimes Lee, and maybe the girls” “What do you want?” “My drugs…” he whispered, “I burned it…”

“Neji…. I need my drugs!” he said with a serious voice, “Its in the kitchen” and before Neji could say drugs, Gai was already gone.

When he saw all his drugs, he thought this is heaven. But what should he start to take? He scratched his head, damn it was hard.

“What about ecstasy…?” Neji asked, Gai looked at him, “Hmm… that was a good idea, but go, let me have some privacy” so he pushed him out and locked the door.

Soon Neji could hear him laugh, then it was quiet, ‘I wonder if he’s dead’, but then there were some music, and it sounded like ‘its raining men’.

Neji just couldn’t miss this, so he ran to the window with a video camera, just wait till the others saw this. But he couldn’t believe his own eyes, his own sensei, were wearing a blonde wig, a pink raincoat and a matching umbrella.

Humidity is rising, he started Barometer's getting low
According to our sources
The street's the place to go!

Cause' tonight for the first time, no wonder why he was a shinobi and not a singer
Just about half past ten, half past ten, he sang with a girly voice
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining men, start raining men

It's raining men
Hallejulah
It's raining men
Amen

It's raining men
Hallejulah
It's raining men
Amen

Humidity is rising, he sang slowly while taking his raincoat off in a NON-sexy way
Neji had to cover his eyes, its was getting quite disgusting, “Eww…”

Barometer's getting low
According to our sources
The street's the place to go!

Cause' tonight for the first time
Just about half past ten, half past ten, Neji shivered, that girly voice was definitely going to haunt him
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining men, start raining men

It's raining men
Hallelujah
It's raining men
Amen

I'm gonna go out
I'm gonna let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet

Once again Neji had to cover his eyes “Eww…”

It's raining men
Hallejulah
It's raining men
Every special men

Tall blonde dark and lean
Rough and tough and strong and mean

“I wonder if he’s gay….”

God bless Mother Nature
She's a single woman too
She took over heaven
And she did what she had to do

She fought every Angel
To rearranged the sky
So that each and every woman
Could find the perfect guy

It's raining men

He was already starting to plan the party, but he needed help from his team mates, it was going to be big!

Don't get yourself weather girls
I know you want to

I feel stormy weather moving in
About to begin, about to begin
Hear the thunder
Don't you loose your head
Rip off the roof and stay in bed
Rip off the roof and stay

It's raining men
Hallejulah
It's raining men
Amen

Neji couldn’t help, but sang along, it was a good song.

It's raining men
Hallejulah
It's raining men
Amen

It's raining men
Hallejulah
It's raining men
Amen

It's raining men
Hallejulah
It's raining men
Amen

It's raining men
It's raining men
It's raining men

This could maybe teach him to get some curtains in his kitchen, so he went inside, and start down on the coach, and waited, but when Gai came, he started to laugh.

“That’s the spirit my youthful student!” he said and did his nice guy pose.

He definitely saw his sensei in another light, but that’s no wonder, and soon, all the other ninjas will too.

--- Lee and Tenten ---

“Ow, it hurts Tenten!” “Then stop moving!” “You said the pain would disappear after a couple of minutes” “Well, I lied!”

--- Back to Gai and Neji ---

“So are you now going to give me an explanation?”

Gai gave a nod, “You see it all began, did you hear that?” “Hear what?” Neji asked confused, “Do you want some tea?” “No, but thank you…” “What about sake?” “I aren’t allowed to drink…”

There was an awkward silence, “just go, if you need it that bad!” “Thank you Neji!”

He was sure that he wouldn’t get an explanation, but then he heard a knock at the door, and since Gai was too busy to open, he just hoped that it wasn’t his junkie friends.

But instead, it was Tenten, and apparently Kakashi who was 18.9 cm shorter (Me: I don’t know what’s that in foot and inch)

He didn’t know what to say, he was surprised, Tenten nudged ‘Kakashi’, and whispered; “do it” he took a deep breath, and pulled Neji by the shoulders to give him a kiss.

He was shocked; his body didn’t moved, he knew he should push him away, but his body wouldn’t react to what he said.

‘Kakashi’ felt Tenten poke him in the ribs, he knew what that meant, ‘forgive me Neji’ he thought sadly, as his hand followed his spine, as it went lower he felt disgusted, he definitely needed a shower when he came home, even though it only was his hand that touched him.

‘Is that what I think it is!’ Neji thought with horror, when he was about to protest, he felt something exploring his mouth, that’s when something inside of him snapped.

“Hakke Rokujyuu Yonshou!” he yelled out, and he showed no mercy, after he beat the crap out of ‘Kakashi’, he started to spite, hopeing that the hideous taste will disappear, “Eww! A Kakashi looking guy just kissed me! Eww that’s so gross!” (Me: I know, I made him sound like a girl)

And the so called Kakashi also started spite, “Eww! I just kissed Neji!” (Me: I know, he recovered fast!)

Then Tenten looked at some paper, where she crossed Neji name over, “that’s number one, it wasn’t that bad Lee! You should see yourself as lucky! I mean, how many people get the chance to kiss Neji and grab his ass?”

“I think I’m going to throw up” Neji said covering his mouth and rushed out to the bathroom, then Tenten looked back at ‘Kakashi’, “next time do it with passion!”

“Passion my youthful ass, that’s easy for you to say!” she just smirked, “I know, I just did it”

While in the bathroom, he still couldn’t believe Lee kissed him! Eww… so he threw up again, anything that’ll make the disgusting taste he had in mouth disappear, and he’ll make sure that nobody found out about this!

And Gai was still in the kitchen taking drugs, (Me: no wonder why he acts like that…)

“But Tenten, how am I suppose to do this a whole year?” “Did you really think that you only should kiss Neji? Heh, this is just the begging, I was thinking, after you got through the list, you’ll just have to start over!”

“But I could always just kiss one guy at month…” “Oh no you couldn’t, I expect you do twice a week!” “And what if I don’t do it?” “I’ll just tell all the girls…”

His eyes got wide that would destroy his reputation, plus it was to embarrassing. Sigh… there were nothing that he could do, his life was in the hands of some crazy girl.

When Neji came out, he was really pissed but at the same time he felt disgusted, “don’t come near me…” he whispered looking directly at Lee.

Lee only gave a nod.

“But why are you dressed up like Kakashi?” he asked confused, “it was Tenten’s idea…” Lee said looking at the ground, he then turned his head in Tenten’s direction, “why is he dressed up like Kakashi?”

“I want to see Gai sensei’s reaction when he sees that his ‘youthful’ student, has turned his back against him, and going to worship Kakashi and only Kakashi!”

“That doesn’t explain why he has to dress up like him….”

“He looks like Gai sensei, and I know, that’s natural, but wait till he sees that his ‘youthful’ eyebrows are gone!” “So you did absolutely everything to him, just so he could look like Kakashi?”

“Yes Neji, and just by plucking his eyebrows, he looks way cuter now then before. And do you know how much time I spent plucking them!”

“It was hell Neji, I’d gather fight against 100 Gaara’s, then let her pluck my eyebrows again!”

“I must say, you did a good job, I thought it was Kakashi, who was shorter then usual…”

“But where is Gai sensei?” “In the kitchen, which remains me, I have something to show you guys…”

So he found his video camera, took out the DVD (Me: I don’t know if that is possible…) and put in the DVD thing (Me: Sorry, can’t remember the name….) and pushed play.

“But I must warn you, it will get disgusting… no seriously…” but they just looked at him, what could possible be that disgusting since he said it with a serious voice.

Soon they could hear the begging of its raining men, Tenten and Lee looked horrified at Neji, “I know, blonde hair, forget about it…” so they turned their head back to the screen.

When they reached the part where Gai took off his raincoat, in a NON-sexy way, both Tenten and Lee said; Eww! That’s just nasty!

But Neji knew when that part came, so he had already covered his eyes, “I know….”

So from that point on, Tenten had covered her eyes, but she till saw through her fingers, and Lee was holding a pillow while rocking himself.

“I warned you…”

I'm gonna go out
I'm gonna let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet

“Its all a dream, that didn’t happen…” Tenten tried to convince herself.

When the film ended, Tenten immediately asked Neji why, “wait till the others saw this…” was the only answer they got.

“Oh shit…” he rose from his spot in the couch and rushed to the kitchen, Tenten and Lee followed him. Then he suddenly just stopped in the doorway, they looked over his shoulder to find Gai in the corner hugging his knees while rocking himself with red eyes.

“Gai sensei!” they all rushed to his side, “are you okay sensei?” Tenten asked concerned, “what happened to you sensei? I swear when I find the person who did this, they shall suffer!” “How much did you take” came it from Neji.

Part 7
Enjoy Lost manners, and pink shinobi

---

“Are you okay sensei?” Tenten asked concerned, “who did this to you Gai sensei! I promise, I’m gonna kill the person who did this to you!” it came from Lee who then right away started to plan his revenge, “how much did you take?” it came from Neji, which earned him a look from his teammates. But still, their sensei didn’t answer them, just start there rocking himself.

They all three stood up looking down at their sensei, and wondering, what should they do, “I don’t like this, maybe we should go to Tsunade sama…” Tenten said, sounding a little afraid, “it’s not that serious, don’t worry, soon he’ll get better” it came from Neji, as he ended his sentence Gai suddenly fell to his left side (Me: doesn’t matter which side he fells on….) Tenten gave Neji an angry look, “what?”.

“Okay, calm down….” Tenten said and taking a deep breath, “breath in and out, slowly, in out” and moving her hands in circles, “screw it, I’m going to the toilet…” so she turned her back and walked away, “you’ll find nothing in there!” Neji yelled after her, “why, have you taken it all?” Lee asked, which earned him a punch in the face.

Then all of a sudden, a little trail of blood came out from Gas’s mouth, “do you still think it’s not serious…” Lee asked still looking at his sensei.

And before Neji could answer, “Oh my God!” Tenten yelled interrupting him, “why the hell are you guys just standing there!” but they just looked at her then back at Gai and scratched their head, well Lee did.

“Okay calm down, I’ve seen this before” he started and sounding like nothing was wrong, “and that should calm us down!” she yelled, (again) “where are your manners? Now, where was I…? Oh yeah, Neji” he pointed at him, “you are suppose to say; calm down nobody is going to find out that we killed our own sensei” “we didn’t kill him, and, he’s not dead” Neji said rather bluntly, “manners!” he gritted through his teeth, “anyway, you Tenten” now pointing at her “is going to reply to what he said, by yelling and” “what am I suppose to say Lee?” (Me: no wonder this is called lost manners…) but he decided to let it pass, this time, “shut up, shut up, we just killed our own sensei!” he said in a girly voice, “but we didn’t….” it came again from Neji, “manners!” “This isn’t a movie Lee…” Tenten said, “Where the hell are your manners!”

“Byakugan, okay, the cost is clear,” after some talk about taking Gai to Tsunade or not, it seemed that time was running out for him, so they needed to hurry, but Tenten still demeaned that they’ll make sure that nobody found out about this, because it was to embarrassing.

“What are we going to say?” Tenten asked while they rushed to the Hokage, “the truth…” it came from Neji, “and that is?” “Our sensei is a junkie” “Gai sensei is not a junkie!” even though Lee looked like Kakashi, that didn’t mean, that he wasn’t going to defend him. “And what will people then think of us?” Tenten continued, “that the best tai jutsu team just killed their own sensei…” it came from Lee, “we didn’t kill him, and he’s not dead!” Neji said, “manners!” Lee gritted through his teeth, “I didn’t interrupt you!” he snapped back at him, but Tenten just shock her head, ‘boys’ she thought sadly.

They didn’t have time to knock, so they burst through the doors, “what the?” it came behind from the desk, “Tsunade sama, we need your help!” Tenten said while running up to her desk, “and who are ‘we’?” she asked, “that would be us” it came behind Tenten, “ah Neji, but are you involved in their problem Kakashi?” she asked, “I’m not Kakashi,” he answered.

“We’ll, or she will explain that later” looking at Tenten “just save the junkie…” Neji said, “Fine then, Shizune” the Hokage called, “ready” she answered.

They were showed in to a waiting room, so all three genins sat down quietly on the sofa. The whole time they were silent, which Neji was of course glad for, but Lee wasn’t glad, who knew if his sensei survived, then it hit him, one person, one single person, knew it, “don’t count on it” it came from Neji, “what do you mean?” Lee asked confused, “just trust me, but you’ll need a lot of prayers if you want him to survive…” instead of calming him down, he just got him more freaked out, but then again, who said he was trying to calm him down?

“Now will you tell me what’s going on?” “Tsunade sama!” they all rushed to her, hoping that their sensei had survived, “don’t worry, he just need some rest, now what the hell happened?” “The answers you are looking for, are on this DVD” “Neji, no, put that back!” Tenten said, “What exactly is it?” Tsunade asked the three genins, “I warn you, it may get disgusting” Neji said, “no seriously!” Lee and Tenten said in choir.

They all made them comfortable in the sofa, waiting for the film to begin, soon the music began, and Tsunade nightmare had just begun.

After the film ended Tsunade and Shizune were scarred for life, but they still found it funny, and laughed, and so did the genins.

“Is there anything else?” the Hokage asked, “well, there is one thing….” Neji said.

After Neji told the Hokage about his plan, which she agreed on, the shinobi’s got busy, cause she had order them to set up big plasmas TV’s (Me: you know, the one from the chuunin exam….) Of course that made people curious, but when they asked the shinobi’s why they were doing this, they couldn’t give a better answer then; orders from the Hokage, but some people or one person absolutely needed to know why.

“Baa-chan!” She knew it would come sooner or later to ask about the big screens, “you’ll just have to wait and see” she didn’t look up at him but continued her work, “but I can’t wait!” and to think that he one day were going to be Hokage, “to bad” she said still not looking up, “you’re mean…” he sounded like a little child and acted like one, when he sat down on the floor and crossed his arms “I know…” still not looking up but continued her work.

It didn’t take long for the shinobi’s to set up the big screens, so soon people knew, that they’d get an explanation. “Are you ready Tsunade sama?” Shizune asked, “Yes, yes…” “Finally!” Naruto yelled and started to jump up and down, “why haven’t you left my office?” she asked him, “cause I wanted to know why!” man he was stubborn, “if you want to know why, then ask Neji” and before they knew it, he was already gone.

Naruto ran through Konoha to find Neji, until he noticed that Shizune was on the big screen, so of course he stopped immediately, “sorry to bother, but some of you may wonder why there is big screens around in Konoha, but don’t worry, for information, just ask either me or Tsunade sama, anyway, hit it Tsunade sama”.

Then in the next moment Tsunade was on and music;

Humidity is rising,

Barometer's getting low
According to our sources
The street's the place to go!

Cause' tonight for the first time

Just about half past ten, half past ten,
For the first time in history

Then suddenly the music stopped, and Tsunade ended with a “don’t worry, we’ll also show it tomorrow, since some of you work really early in the morning and so on”.

Only this, left people more curious then before.

“Neji!” Naruto yelled as soon as he saw him, “I feel a headache coming back,” he said while rubbing his temples, as Naruto came closer he yelled even louder, since Neji didn’t paid him any attention, so when he did reached him he was exhausted, “Neji,” he panted, “what?” he said looking at him, “were is Tenten and Lee?” he asked still trying to caught his breath, “let me see, Tenten went home because she thought it was to embarrassing and Lee, well I’m not sure” Naruto blinked a couple of times, “okay… second, why is there is big screens in Konoha?” “Wait and see” he was about to go when he felt Naruto’s hand on his shoulder, “but I can’t!” “That’s not my problem, now go, you’re giving me a headache”.

“You didn’t mean that, did you?” he didn’t answer him, “well did you?” Naruto kept on asking, “I feel really sorry for Sasuke and Sakura” so slowly he walked away with his hands in his pockets, leaving Naruto behind.

(Me: yes, I’m lazy, so therefore I’m not going to write what they did in the mean time, but I’ll say that it’s about 20 minutes over ten, okay? Good)

All the people in Konoha were excited, well except for the small ones, since it was way over their bedtime, but that didn’t matter, cause tomorrow they’ll show it again.

Somewhere a blonde boy again ran through Konoha to find Neji, “Neji!” he yelled, “have you seen Neji?” he asked some lady, “I saw him at the ramen bar but I’m…” “Thanks!” he yelled, since he already were on his way.

The Lady was right, he was at the ramen bar, and so were Tenten and Kakashi!

“What the hell are you doing here?” He yelled pointing a finger at him, “is this the reason why you always are late!” “What does it look like, idiot” he said and continued to eat his food, “you bastard! I’ve been looking everywhere for you” “I thought you looked for Neji…” Tenten interrupted, “where are your manners?” then Kakashi stood up, “you’ve lost some height sensei” Naruto said with a grin, “listen” he started, “Oh my God! Your voice what happened?” “Screw it, I’m going home” so he turned his back and walked away, “you can run but you can’t hide Kakashi sensei!” Naruto yelled after him, “I’m not Kakashi!” he yelled back, Naruto then looked back at Neji and Tenten with a puzzled look, “Kakashi is a Jounin, and you say that he can’t hide…” Tenten said, “Neji, what is going to happen?” he asked, he couldn’t wait even though there were four minutes left.

“Do you have a bad memory or something? I said wait and see” “but I can’t!” “For Pete’s sake, there is less then four minutes!” “I know!” “Then shut up!” Tenten interrupted, “where are your manners Tenten! You should not interrupt when someone are talking!”

Then suddenly they heard Tsunade voice, “I know you have been waiting, and are excited to see what’s going to happen, but I warn you, it will get disgusting, anyway, enjoy!”

“Finally!” Naruto said, then music began, “come on, hurry up,” he said while pulling the two genins by their writs, it was better if they just got it over with, so they went with him, even though they’ve already seen, it was kinda still funny.

Most of the people in Konoha, said “Oh my God!” when the film started.

When the film ended most of the people said eww, others were to shocked to say anything, and Naruto seemed to be one of them. “Are you okay?” Tenten asked him, and when Neji was about to say something, Tenten silenced him with a finger, “what?” he asked confused, “look at him...” he then looked at Naruto, like she told him to, his eye were twitching, and suddenly he started to laugh, the people around them stared at him, and soon every single person, who had seen the movie, laugh like crazy.

Naruto had broken the ice, they all laughed so hard, that the medical nins had a very busy night.

The next morning Gai left the hospital, when he stepped outside, people stared at him, and tried their best not to laugh, so quickly they disappeared. Weird, he thought.

On his way home he met Naruto, whom also tried his best not to laugh, but he couldn’t do it forever, so he laughed.

Once again, it had looked liked that Naruto broke the ice, Gai couldn’t see what was so funny, or a reason for them to laugh. Until, he walked past the video store, were a film was out, it was the pink shinobi, then he noticed, it was him.

Part 8

The wake up

---

It was him, but he didn’t understand how this happened, or who would do such a cruel thing, and for what reason? Then he notice a name, Neji Hyuga, maybe he should go and ask him.

But he still couldn’t believe his own eyes, betrayed by his love ones, what had he done wrong?

“Long story, but in the end, I got money for it….” He said, he did it for money! “So you did it for money?” “No, it seemed like fun, and you looked to enjoy yourself” well he did had fun, but still.

Then Tenten and Lee showed up, “God morning my youthful students, and what the hell are you doing here Kakashi?” he asked, “I’m Lee….” No this couldn’t be true, his favourite student, had gone against him, what had he done wrong?

He fell to his knees, and yelled; Damn you Kakashi!

His eyes flew open, he was shaking and covered in sweat, what a nightmare, but at least it was over, but he remembered to write down to buy some curtains, and hide his drugs a better place.

But somewhere in his clothes, a little cushion, smiled evilly, and turned off his tape recorder, and laughed quietly, then said, “this is isn’t the end….”

Finish