Candy in the Pockets

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Candy in the Pockets
by: Elric-Chan

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Part 1
Day 1

Naruto pounded on the door angrily, yanking on the knob with all his might. Sasuke stood against the wall, trying to look uncaring and be separated at the same time, which was hard because, well, they were locked in a closet.

A rather small closet.

Yes, this was Tsunade’s idea of fun. How she managed to get all four of them, including Kakashi, into the closet, no one knows, but the point is they were in there now. And it was dark.

Naruto, who had given up waging war on the door, started to whine.

“It’s dark in here…”

“Shut up.”

“Ooh, quick! Somebody do a light jutsu!”

“There’s no such thing as a light jutsu, you idiot.”

“There is so! Tell him, Kakashi-sensei!”

Kakashi sighed. Being around the kids was bad enough, but now he was trapped in a confined space with them.

Tsunade would pay.

“Kakashi-sensei!”

“No, Naruto, there is no such thing as a light jutsu.”

“WHAAAT?”

“Will you please be quiet?” Sakura’s chirpy voice said. “So I can figure a way out of here?”

“What makes you think you can get us out?” Sasuke interjected.

Sakura bit back her rude retort. This was Sasuke-kun, after all.

Suddenly, dim light washed over them. They all looked up at the dangling string Kakashi’s hand held fast to. A small light bulb hung from the ceiling, but the light was faint. Kakashi’s face scrunched. They guess that meant he was smiling.

“Good job, Kakashi-sensei!”

XXX

“How long do you think they will last?”

Iruka had rounded on Tsunade, but he thought the entire thing somewhat comical himself.

“I don’t know. But we’ll find out.”

XXX

Sasuke was already annoyed. He didn’t care that he was locked in a closet. He cared that he was locked in a closet with Naruto. The little demon was already starting to tell jokes that no one wanted to hear. Sakura had taken off her headband and was polishing it on the corner of her dress thing. Kakashi was absentmindedly pulling on a strand of his silver hair, and Sasuke was busy blocking out Naruto’s drone.

“So what did the clone jutsu say to the shadow clone jutsu?”

He paused, apparently expecting three different enthusiastic answers. Sakura huffed on her headband, Kakashi wound his finger around his bangs, and Sasuke began to picture the many different ways he could cause Naruto bodily harm.

“It said… Quit following me around!”

He broke into peals of laughter, looking around. All that was different was that Sasuke’s eye was twitching.

And that was never good.

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Part 2
Day 2

Things were not going so well.

Sakura was begging for something to drink, her mouth having gone dry when she hadn’t stopped huffing on her headband. She had been awake all night doing that.

Sasuke and Kakashi, on the other hand, had gotten a good night’s sleep. Kakashi was already beginning to shirk on his responsibilities of watching out for the kids. He knew that Sasuke, like himself would be fine. He was somewhat concerned about Sakura, and he was way past caring about what happened to Naruto.

Our little Uzumaki-chan had come up with at least 97 more stupid jutsu jokes, which he of course felt the need to announce out loud. He had gotten some sleep, for he had tried at various intervals to wrench the headband out of Sakura’s hands, with no results.

So now he sat dejectedly in a corner, watching Sakura drain the bottle of water Kakashi had found. Sasuke sat in another corner, trying to sharpen a piece of wood from the floorboard on the doorframe. He planned to thrust it into Naruto whenever he had the chance.

XXX

“You locked them in a closet?”

Tsunade gulped. Now the Hokage knew.

“Kakashi is our best jounin, and you locked him in a closet?”

She nodded feebly.

“With Naruto?”

“Yes.”

“Let Kami be with him, then.”

XXX

Naruto’s head drooped, and shot back up. Each time he did this, Sasuke tensed, his fist clenching tightly around his makeshift wooden shuriken. He didn’t really want to kill him, just injure him rather badly.

Yes, Sasuke Uchiha was evil.

As Naruto’s head drooped again, Sasuke was not the only one who noticed. Kakashi snatched the bone-dry water bottle from Sakura and smacked it down on the blonde’s head. His head snapped up faster than usual, and Kakashi looked indignant.

“If we can’t sleep, you aren’t, so wake up!”

“You slept more than I did!”

“Well that’s because I wasn’t telling stupid jokes!”

“My jokes are not stupid! You’re just jealous!”

Sasuke sighed. Now Kakashi had lost it.

Sakura looked helplessly at the bickering pair, then at her headband, which gleamed brighter than the flickering light bulb.

“Why would I be jealous?”

“Well-“

And them a smirk widened Naruto’s features.

“You know, I could just do my shadow clone jutsu, and then-“

Kakashi shut up that very instant. And Sasuke shoved his weapon through the crack in the door.

They were going to be in here a long time.

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Part 3
Day 3

Sasuke was perched on his fingers, trying to keep them from inflicting harm to Naruto, whose snores filled the closet space.

It seemed that no matter what he did, he annoyed everyone around him. Even when he wasn’t conscious.

Kakashi stared in disgust at his apprentices. Sasuke, it appeared, was trying to touch his butt, Sakura was licking her headband, and Naruto was snoring.

So… damn… loud.

Maybe… if he killed them all… Tsunade would let him out… yeah, that might work.

Kakashi shook his head. That was his inner devil speaking.

But since he was not the only one who had an issue with Naruto at the moment, he picked up the handy water bottle once more and cracked it over the boy’s head.

“What? Oh, yeah-yeah, just fell-fell asleep for a minute… yeah.”

Naruto sat up straight, trying to look alert. Sasuke sighed, sliding his hands back out from under himself, and clenched them into fists. Naruto sidled to the back of the closet, where a few coats and jackets had gone unnoticed. Sakura set her headband down, her eyes keen again as she watched Naruto rummaging through the mass of hanging clothes. His breath made a sharp noise as he felt at a small gray overcoat.

“There’s candy in the pockets…” he said incredulously to himself.

He then realized with horror that he had said it a bit too loud.

The other three sprang onto him like a pack of starving animals. Sasuke retreated into a corner, a root beer flavored Dum Dum pop clutched tightly in his hand. Kakashi made off with a large Tootsie Roll, and Sakura blindly snatched a melted Reese cup.

And poor Naruto was left holding a green and white peppermint.

He shoved it deep into the pockets of his own orange jumpsuit, and turned to root through the jacket again, but to no avail. He sighed, and slumped against the back wall, the coats obscuring him slightly from view. He took this as an opportunity to be immature and make faces at Sasuke.

It took Naruto a while to notice the sucker stick in his hair.

XXX

Tsunade placed a chair noiselessly in front of the closet door. She wanted to see just how well her “game” was going.

XXX

Naruto pulled angrily at the white stick in his hair. With a final tug, he launched it at Sasuke That jerk had thrown it at him when he was making faces. He was pleased to see that the stick smacked Sasuke on the nose, and slid into his lap. Sasuke twitched it lazily at Sakura.

The pink-haired kunoichi lost it completely and flung the stick back at Sasuke with all her might. Naruto watched, amazed. The stick poked Sasuke in the eye, and he slumped over. Sakura huffed indignantly and sat back against the wall, her arms folded.

Poor Sasuke-san.

Kakashi stared blankly at Sakura and her victorious expression. He wasn’t paying attention. They were just there. He pulled his knees up to his chest, and wrapping his arms around them, he began to rock back and forth, humming “Over the Rainbow”.

Yes, Kakashi had lost it.

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Part 4

Day 4

Sakura stared at Sasuke, the reality that he was dead finally hitting her. She had really killed him.

No, maybe he was just sleeping.

She poked him sharply, flinching as though she expected him to jump up. Naruto watched her wearily. Sasuke was dead, but he could care less. And Sakura didn't care either. She was too depressed and weak to care. She poked Sasuke one last time, and turned to Kakashi.

"Kakashi-sensei, I just thought you should know that I killed Sasuke."

"Kakashi-sensei?"

The silver-haired jounin didn't make a move. He hadn't moved at all through the night, or stopped humming. His knees were still curled up to him, and he was still rocking back and forth. He tonelessly hummed the chorus to "A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down", and Naruto shoved tissues from a random pocket into his ears.

"Kakashi-sensei?"

XXX

"Is Sasuke dead?" Iruka demanded. Tsunade shrugged.

"That's what that little kunoichi said, but she she could be lying." she said. Iruka huffed angrily.

"I don't know what they're doing in there, but I think I hear Mary Poppins..." the Hokage said.

XXX

Naruto was dying of hunger. He still had the peppermint that he refused to eat unless he absolutely needed it, but he was starting to think more and more that he really did need it.

Sakura had devoured her share of the candy, and regretted it more than ever. She'd heard that hunger makes people irritable, but she didn't think that was true.

"Stop it! For the love of Kami-sama, STOP IT!"

Naruto shouted at Kakashi, who was silent as his song finished. The blonde snatched up the water bottle that had previously victimized him and proceeded to beat Kakashi senseless with it.

"I HATE YOU! YOU STUPID FREAKING KAKASHI!"

Sakura stared at Naurto on the rampage.

Maybe hunger did make people irritable...

"DIE KAKASHI, DIE!"

"Naruto-"

"YOU STUPID JOUNIN!" -whack-

"Naruto, I don't think you should-"

"DIE, DAMMIT, DIE!" -whack whack smack-

"Naruto..."

"SHUT UP!" Naruto yelled at Sakura, looking with disdain at the dented water bottle. As the light bulb flickered and went out, Sakura's headband gleamed. Naruto ripped his from his forehead and gave his sensei a few good whacks with it.

XXX

"It really sounds like something is going on in there, Tsunade," Iruka complained. "Maybe you should let them out."

"It's all sound effects," Tsunade said.

-SMACK-

XXX

"Naruto, stop!"

Sakura wrenched the headband from her partner's hands, only for his fist to hit Kakashi instead. He finally stopped his assault, and sat down. All the attacking had made him even more hungry. He slowly unwrapped the peppermint, snarling like a dog as Sakura looked at it, and popped it in his mouth.

He imagined that it was ramen, the best miso ramen in the world, the hot steamy broth sliding down his throat. He choked, bringing him back from Ramen Land. The peppermint was stuck, and he gasped for air. His hands clenched around his neck, and he looked desperately at Sakura.

She smiled.

And Naruto knew he was done for.

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Part 5

Day 5

Sakura stared around the small confined space of the closet. She was the only living creature left. She tried to recap on what had happened. Sasuke had tossed a sucker stick at her, and she had thrown it back with such force that it had lodged in his eye.

One down.

Her sensei Kakashi had become so increasingly irritating with his mental humming and rocking that Naruto beat him to death with various things, mainly a water bottle.

Two down.

And finally, Naruto had hungrily gobbled down a peppermint, so greedily and fast that he choked. And Sakura had watched him die.

That made three.

So she had either to die, or think of a way to get out in the new peace and quiet.

"Hello?"

Sakura turned and stared at the door.

"Iruka-sensei?"

"Yeah, it's me. Uh... is everything okay in there?"

"It's just me."

"What do you mean?"

"I killed Sasuke, Naruto killed Kakashi-sensei, and then Naruto choked to death on a peppermint."

Iruka stared around at Tsunade, who was holding back hysterical laughter.

"How... how do you find this funny?"

"They sure are good at thinking of excuses!"

"No, I'm serious," Sakura chimed. "And I'm coming out now."

"Wha-"

The door blasted open, revealing a ragged-looking Sakura standing poised with her fingers in chakra summoning form. She collapsed into Iruka's arms as Tsunade peered tentavively into the closet.

XXX

Sasuke looked around. Everything was so bright, and there were clouds everywhere.

"Where are we?"

Sasuke turned to his side to see Naruto, looking completely ridiculous in snow-white robes, fluffy wings set on his back. And, he noticed, his sensei looked the same, only adorable and not riduculous. And instead of a black mask, he donned a white one. It didn't take Sasuke long to realize that he was dressed the same.

"Well..." Sasuke said. "We are dead, aren't we?"

"That's right," Kakashi said. "So we must be -"

"Welcome, welcome!"

The trio turned to the sound of the booming voice. There behind them stood none other than Kami-sama himself.

"Kami?"

"Yes, that's right. And I see that bretheren have joined us in the Paradise in the heavens."

The three loooked dumbfounded.

"Well, what brings my sons here?" He looked at Sasuke.

"Well..." Sasuke hung his head in shame.

"Speak up, my child."

"I got poked in the eye with a lollipop stick," he muttered, a blue cloud of sad surrounding him. "By a girl."

Kami showed no mockery as Sasuke had expected, and instead patted him on the shoulders and turned to Kakashi. The jounin opened his mouth to respond.

"He beat me to death." he said shortly, pointing a finger at Naruto.

"All is forgiven, all is forgiven," Kami chided. "Now how about you?"

He turned his questioning eyes on the little blonde shinobi.

"Well, I... I choked on a peppermint."

Sasuke muffled a snicker. Kakashi wasn't as successful, his chuckle somewhat audible.

Kami patted Naruto on the head.

"Well," he said sympathetically. "At least we don't have candy here."

XXX

Tsunade sank into a chair, her arms wrapped tightly around herself. The stupid little kunoichi really had been serious. They were all dead. And she had kind of liked Hatake Kakashi too.

Iruka stared at Sakura in disbelief.

"W-why, Sakura?"

She looked up feebly at him.

"Because girls rule."

OWARI

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Fin...