Caller_IDK

English

Caller_IDK

Author: Orange Sherbet

"You know you want to," Ino smirked.

"No, Mrs. Piggy, I don't. Put that thing away before you hurt someone."

The blond rolled her eyes, beyond annoyed at how persistent Sakura was being. She didn't get what her problem was-they always did this kind of shit when they were genin. Just because Sakura was all 'I the High and Mighty Tsunade's apprentice bitch' didn't mean they could have fun!

"Sakura, take the phone. You know you want tooooo~" Ino sang, sounding slightly more drunk then she had been when Sakura had found her waiting on her front porch.

"I think you need some coffee."

"I think you-hic-need to get laid."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "I am not going to prank call people with you!" She declared heatedly, crossing her arms over her chest in a sign of clear refusal. Hell to the no!

Ino chuckled darkly, sounding exactly the the evil psycho blond she was.

"If you don't, I'll tell Tsunade about your little-escapade with that shinobi back in Mist."

"You malicious bitch. Burn in Hell!"

"Only if you-hic-come with me! Now-" She shoved the aforementioned ninja-cell in Sakura's face, "Dial up!"

o

()Deidara()

o

"Hello, un?"

"You kicked my cat."

"Da fuck?"

"You KICKED my CAT. BITCH!"

"I didn't touch your fucki-"

"YOU KICKED MY CAT! YOU KICKED MY CAT!"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, UN?"

"YOU KICKED MY CAT! YOU KICKED MY-"

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE!"

"DON'T LIE TO ME, FUCKER! I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!"

"I'LL BLOW YOU UP, UN!"

"OOO~I'M SOOO SCARED!"

"YOU-"

"Un."

"...what did you just say?"

"Un. Do you have a problem with that, un?"

"You're mocking me, un."

"I'm doing no suck thing, un."

"Stop it!"

"Stop it!"

"I'LL COME THROUGH THIS PHONE AND RIP YOUR FUCKING THROAT OFF, UN!"

"No need to get violent. Geez."

"..."

"Un."

"BI-"

"By the way, I'm pregnant with your child. We're naming it Bubba, okay?"

"WTF?"

"Nice talking to you! TTYL!"

The line went dead.

Deidara shook his head and hung up the phone.

"There's some fucked up people in this world."

o

()Sasuke()

o

"Hn?"

"Hello, sir! Congratulations, you are about to be the proud winner of two free cruise tickets!"

"...Sakura? What the hell are you doing?"

"Remember, mam', this interview is live on 96.8, the ONLY ALL POP RADIO STATION! Answer the questions right, and you get the prize?"

"Are you drunk?"

"First question; The Ass-Bow. Fashion statement, or mating call?"

"I'm not answering that."

"Correct! Next question!"

"What are you on, Sakura?"

"How many Uchiha's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

"That's not funny."

"CORRECT! YOU WIN!"

"..."

"Sasuke?"

"Yah."

"Please don't mention this to Naruto."

"...I'm going to try and forget it, myself."

o

()Hidan()

o

"What the fuck do you want?"

"HELLO? IS THIS SHELLY? OMG SHELLS, I'VE GOT SO MU-"

"I'M NOT FUCKING SHELLY!"

"-CH TO TELL YOU! I'M PREGGERS, SHELLS! PREGGO LIKE AN EGGO! AND HEY, DID YOU EVER NOTICE-"

"KAKUZU? IS THAT YOU? YOU LITTLE FUCKER!"

"-THAT THE SUN, LIKE, SHINES!I MEAN FER REALZ, LOOK UP IN THE SKY SOME TIME, SHELLS!"

"You high bitch?"

"YAH! SO YESTERDAY THIS DUDE WAS ALL LIKE 'GIMME ALL YO MON-AYYY' AND I WAS ALL LIKE 'HELLZ NAH!'"

"Where the fuck do you live?"

"SHELLZ, WE SHOULD GO SEE A MOVIE THIS WEEKEND! I HEARD THE TITANIC WAS GOOD! BUT I THINK IT CAME OUT A WHILE AGO! WILL IT STILL BE IN THEATERS?"

"I'mma come to Konoha and fuck you up, bitch."

The line went dead.

"Che. How rude."

o

()Neji()

o

"Hyuga residence, were you looking for someone in particular?"

"I'mma fuck you up, Neji."

"Who is this?"

"Granny Chiyo. I can't believe you got MY MOTHERFUCKIN' GRANBABY PREGGERS!"

"Mam', I assure you, I have done no such-"

"BULLFUCK! YOU GOT HER PREGGERS AND YOU KNOW IT!"

"Ma-"

"I'MMA TAKE MY MOTHERFUCKIN' CANE TO YOUR SORRY HYUGA ASS!"

"I-"

"BETTER WATCH OUT, GANNY CHIYO COMIN' TO TOWN, AND SHE DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF YOU BEEN NAUGHTY OR NICE!"

"WHAT THE HE-"

"I'MMA SMACK A HO! I'MMA SMACK YOU DOWN!"

"IS THIS WHAT DESTINY HAD PLANNED FOR ME? REALLY, DESTINY?"

And then Sakura hung up, giggling and light-headed from whatever Ino had slipped into her diet coke.

"That was fun!"

"Fuck yeah it was. Let's do some more!"

o

()Kakashi()

o

"Hello?"

"Why, helloooo. Fancy meeting you here, handsome."

"So it is. Is there something in particular you needed?"

"I need you, bad boy. Come and ravish me."

"I would, but I have this dog that needs bathing-"

"No excuses! I want you on my doorstep, clad in only a black thong with a whip in hand!"

"...Okay."

"Good boy. You can't see my face, but I'm winking seductively at you."

"I'm sure you are."

"Come quick, fudgiedumpling."

o

()Itachi()

o

"Hello?"

"Um...Mr. Uchiha?"

"That's me."

"Um...well, I don't want to be rude, but who was the last person you had sex with?"

"Excuse me?"

"A patient here at the free clinic named you as a recent sexual partner. Would you like to come in for some tests?"

"What was the patient's name?"

"Sasuke Uchiha."

No answer.

"I think he hung of on me, Ino."

"Gee, I wonder why."

o

()Orochimaru()

o

"What?"

"How would you like to complete a FREE survey?"

"What do I get if I do?"

"The satisfaction of completing a FREE survey!"

"No."

"How do you handle a break-up?"

"Kill whoever dumped me."

"Last thing you ate?"

"Some small child."

"Are you afraid of spiders?"

"I eat them, too."

"Do you kiss your pets?"

"I always try to show Kabuto I love him more than my other bitches."

"Do you dance naked in your room?"

"I dance naked in everyone's room."

"Biggest fear?"

"Oranges-God...NOT THE ORANGES!"

"Are you toes painted?"

"Yes."

"What color?"

"Petal pink and Jasmine. With little rhinestones stuck in the middle."

"What's your favorite number?"

"Sixty-nine."

"Who was the last person you had sex with?"

"What's sex?"

"Have you ever hidden behind the clothes racks at Wal-mart and whispered 'pick me!' when people walked by?"

"Yes."

"Thank you for your time, mam'!"

"Fuck you."

o

()Shikamaru()

o

"Yeah?"

"HEY SHIKA YOU SO FINE, YOU SO FINE YOU BLOW MY MIND! HEY SHIKA! HEY-HEY-HEY SHIKA!"

"Drunk girls. How troublesome..."

"HEY SHIKAMARU! DID YOU KNOW THAT YOUR HAIR RESEMBLES A PINEAPPLE!"

"..."

"I FUCKING LOVE PINEAPPLES!"

"Your point?"

"HEY! WE SHOULD HAVE A-hic-PICNIC ONE DAY!"

"Why?"

"YOU CAN BRING THE PINEAPPLE! AHAHAHAHA!"

"I'm hanging up down. Go drink some coffee, Sakura."

"BUT SHIKA-KUNNNN!"

"SHIKA?"

"SHIKAMARU?"

"ARE YOU STILL THERE?"

"WHAT ABOUT OUR PICNIC!"

o

()Naruto()

o

"Hello?"

"BELIEVE IT! Ahahaha...you and your-hic-stupid catch phrase!"

"...Sakura?"

"You're like a-a brodda to me, Naruto!"

"Are you okay?"

"BUT SOMEONE'S LIKE THERE SISSY A LITTLE MORE THAN THEY SHOULD!"

"Sakura-chan! ARE YOU UNDER THE INFLUENCE?"

"Naruto-hic-kun, we ALL know you're madly in love with me. Even SHINO can see it, and he normally doesn't bother with anything that has less than four legs!"

"SAKURA. ARE YOU GIVING INTO PEER PRESSURE?"

"Ino is-hic-hardy my peer! Anyway, it don' matter how much you lurve me, FOR NO SAKURA FOR DA NARUTARD!"

"...Sakura. I'm coming over."

"OOOOH, NOW you act all protective and shit, but you didn't even care back in Mist when that shinobi was feelin' me up!"

"HE WAS FEELIN' UP ME AND TEME, TOO! IT'S NOT JUST YOU!"

"IT IS JUST ME, CUZ I'M THE BADDEST BITCH IN KONOHA!"

"I'm bringing coffee with me."

"HEY! You should prank call people with me and Ino!"

o

()Sai()

o

"Hello?"

"Ya know, Sai, I always thought you had the hottest ass in fire nation."

"Ugly?"

"No, you are most definitely not. If only you weren't gay."

"What's gay?"

"Oh Sai-poor, naive Sai. Go ask Sasuke. He knows."

"Okay..."

"See ya, Sai-bear. Love you, want you, wanna piece of that ass."

"Goodbye, Ugly."

"Catch you on the flip side!"

o

()Neji (again :D)()

o

"Hello?"

"Congratulations, sir! You just won a BRAND NEW CAR!"

"I know."

"AND-what?"

"It was my destiny."

o

()ROCK LEE()

o

"Yosh?"

"Did you get da stuff?"

"What stuff? OH! IS THIS 'STUFF' YOUTHFUL?"

"You could say that. Did'cha get it?"

"You haven't even told me what 'it' was?"

"It's stuff. How do you NOT know what da stuff is?"

"DID SOMEONE STEAL THIS 'STUFF' FROM YOU?

"No-"

"NO NEED TO FEAR, ROCK LEE IS HERE!"

"R-"

"JUST POINT ME IN THE DIRECTION THOSE STUFF-STEALING BANDITS WENT!"

"There's no-"

"WHICH WAY, CHILD OF THE YOUTH?"

"That way."

"That way?"

"Yes. That way."

"But which way are you-"

"Hello? Did you just hang up on me?"

"That was not very youthful of you!"

o

()Gaara()

o

"Sir, is your refrigerator running?"

"It was, but then I broke both it's legs."

o

o()o

o

"That was so much fun," Sakura sighed happily, brushing some hair out of her face.

"It was!" Ino agreed, blue eyes wide and glassy. "Hey, do you wanna order some pizza?"

Sakura picked up her ninja-cell, smirking devilishly. "What do you think?" And she press the speed dial number for Konoha's Greatest Pizza.

"Hello, I'd like to order some Kung Pow Chicken."

o

o()o

o

The end XD