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Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Love leads the blind

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Love leads the blind
By: Constance-Lirit

A loud thump is heard taking the Akatsuki perched in the living room by surprise but the tension relaxes when they hear Tobi shouting in his usual cheery manner. Bursting through the door with something over his shoulder everyone ignores him to watch the T.V, another thump is heard as Tobi drops what ever was on his shoulder onto the floor. Konan twists ready to tell him to put his rubbish in his room before a gasp consumes her words, everyone else just ignores it and keeps their eyes glued to the screen.

“Tobi, what in gods name did you bring back here?!” Konan yells now looking over the sofa at the bulky object that Tobi has one foot upon, Pein finally turns and takes surprise as well. Only do the rest turn when the bulk twitches inside the bag, Tobi lifts it up and unties the rope keeping the bag sealed.

“Tobi brought back something good!” Tobi yells excitedly letting the bag drop to reveal a tied up woman with a gag over her mouth and a drugged look on her face.

“she was really fast though, so Tobi gave her plenty of medicine to help her sleep!” Deidara’s eyebrow twitches at the sight he had brought home, usually he only brought bodies home for Zetsu to eat but never anything alive like this. Murmuring stirs from the gagged woman’s mouth as her eye lids start to shift and open weakly, propping her up on a small chair Tobi watches with everyone else as she finally comes to and looks up from her pure white hair. She was white in every aspect right down to her long flowing and plain night dress, her eyes look up at everyone with snow white sheen. She didn’t have pupils, just an almost invisible pinkish white telling everyone where her eyes should be. A small mutter collapses from her mouth again as her eyes drop once again back to her bare feet, Tobi’s hand wraps around her chin pulling it back up to look at him and his orange swirling mask almost taunting her.

“Tobi is a good boy, Zetsu was always complaining he had no one to do the gardening while he was gone. Tobi found her in a big garden in the city. Tobi thinks she could do it all for you” Tobi states excitedly letting go of her chin and letting her head flop down again then looking at Zetsu sporting an unpleased expression.

“you can’t just steal random people and bring them back here Tobi!” Pein snaps angrily now glaring at Tobi who doesn’t seem to be bothered by the shouts and picks the woman back up and onto his shoulder.

“Tobi will go put her in the garden!” Pein puts his palm to his face and slowly rubs it down shaking his head and mutters under his breath.

“Tobi is a complete bakka” Konan rolls her eyes then looks at Zetsu hiding in the back of the room on a small stool hidden away from the main rays of the lamps, suddenly he begins to shift under ground after Tobi without a single word to any of the others. Tobi had gotten to the garden quicker than he thought and clumsily drops the albino woman to the grass at his feet and waits for Zetsu to appear, the lackadaisical woman’s sense of presence gradually strengthens enough that she was now able to speak a little to her capturer.

“Tobi…I’m go…ng to kill you, when I…get out of this pa…ra…” she stutters putting the back of her hand onto her forehead and squeezing her eyes shut in attempt to relieve the battle inside her head. Tobi just looks at her for a moment without saying anything until he hears a familiar sound close by, Zetsu was emerging from the ground slowly. Tobi jumps over and knocks on the large green Venus fly trap head waiting for a reply, slowly the trap opens to show a man with a black and white face and piercing golden eyes staring back at him.

“Zetsu! Look Tobi found you a new pet!” he yells loudly bounding over and picking up the tied up girl to show Zetsu, the girl squints her eyes to get a better look at Zetsu through the shadows surrounding them. Zetsu’s eyes scowl as he looks at Tobi ignoring the girls presence.

“I don’t need help” Zetsu’s black side snaps bitterly making Tobi drop and lunge into Zetsu with a whimper.

“but Tobi is a good boy!” the girl falls back on her side with a thud and makes a small wincing sound and shuts her eyes tight for a second taking the attention of Tobi and Zetsu, her eyes open up again as she looks at their feet. Tobi jumps away shouting behind him self as he goes, leaving Zetsu and the woman alone.

“have fun with your new pet Zetsu!” Zetsu glares down at the gagged up girl struggling and yelling behind her mask.

“untie me so I can kill him!!!” she yells up at Zetsu with a scowl and then struggles further until he walks over making her freeze when he bends down beside her with a smirk across his face.

“you look tasty” the black side says again licking his lips making her gulp secretly and sweat starts to develop on her forehead, she stays silent with her eyes fixed to his. His hands slide around her and slice the ropes off setting her free, sitting up she pulls the gag off and rubs her lips gently.

“thank you” she stands up to try meet his eyes but she’s only as tall as his shoulders, she looks up at him and gives a gentle smile.

“Zetsu right?” her voice still calm and her pure white eyes shifting about as if trying to read him, she suddenly realises she’s staring and her eyes drop to her feet as she wriggles her toes.

“dam Tobi had to steal me out of my own bed” she starts in a complaining voice before she feels something placed on her shoulders then she is swept up into the arms of Zetsu wedding style with his Akatsuki cloak wrapped around her body, her eyes widen and her chalk white skin weaves a gentle pink while he carries her across the garden. The plant nin places her on his bed and gives her a spare pair of shoes to wear, her cheeks still tickled pink as she looks at him watering a potted plant on his work table. The grip on the cloak tightens as she pulls it further around her self secretly sniffing the plant like scent on the collar, a small sigh passes her lips and when she pulls the collar back down to see where Zetsu had gone she jumps when she comes face to face with his golden eyes again.

“uhm I swear I wasn’t sniffing the cloak” she stutters embarrassed and crawling further back on the large bed, Zetsu kneels down onto the bed as well and leans in closer until he’s only inch’s from touching her nose. In defence she turns to look at the plant he was watering.

“what sort of plant is that?” she says quickly pointing to it hoping he takes the bait and backs off from her, his eyes shift to look at the plant with a faint smile.

“an orchid, pretty isn’t it?” he asks getting onto his knee’s and sitting up to look at it better, she sits back up with a short sigh of relief.

“its really pretty, you must have taken a lot of care raising it” she smiles slipping of and striding softly on her bare feet again, she had kicked the shoes onto the floor since she was walking on wooden and carpeted flooring. Her fingers touch the petals curiously and stroke it bringing a smile to her face, she looks around the room and see’s more plants.

“wow the flowers here are so much nicer than the ones I was with” she giggles looking at them all with awe, before long she had touched and looked at every single flower in the room and was back on the bed across from Zetsu.

“its nice to meet a guy who likes plants and doesn’t pull them out of the ground” she sighs rubbing her arms and retrieving the cloak to put around her self once again, Zetsu hadn’t spoken much the whole time.

“I have a funny feeling I forgot something…” she mutters looking into blank space before her eyes widen and she crawls swiftly up to Zetsu surprising him but he doesn’t display it.

“my name! I forgot to tell you who I am” she stutters with worried eyes and her cheeks becoming flustered, Zetsu only smiles and places a hand on her cheek rubbing it with his thumb and then setting it back down on his own lap again.

“my names Xeni, its funny my name means ‘protector of plants and flowers’ looked it up when I was little…it’s probably why I like plants so much” she giggles sweetly twisting the tip of her index fingers together shyly, Tobi bursts through the door moments later and looks at them both perched on the bed.

“dinner time! Come on come on!” Tobi yells trying to yank Xeni from the bed she had to drag her self back to get the cloak and shoes with Tobi still locked onto her, she gives a pleading face for Zetsu to come with her but he had already disappeared out the door to the dinning room without waiting. Every Akatsuki was perched around the room eating when Tobi drags her in, every eye shifts to her making Xeni paranoid and nervous. Tobi shoves her into one of the seats next to Zetsu while he sits straight across from her, she silently watches everyone eat and talk about how their day had been. Looking about she moved her eyes back down to her fingers on the edge of the table if someone looked at her eyes, she didn’t like people looking at her if it was only staring that they did.

“I’m surprised Zetsu hasn’t munched you yet” Itachi mutters sticking another fork of potatoes in his mouth, she looks up at him like a lost puppy then at Zetsu with the same look.

“are you hungry?” Konan asks looking at her but she shakes her head and keeps on looking down and every so often peering up through her hair at everyone.

“she doesn’t eat people food silly!” Tobi yells erupting into silence and all eyes on her, it didn’t help her already nervous disposition.

“another cannibal?” Konan asks making Xeni finally look up with a worried expression, her lips open to say something but Tobi interrupts her again.

“Tobi doesn’t think so, Tobi has never seen her eat” he splutters spraying food all over the place, Xeni looks up at him with a blank expression before it slowly forms into her best attempt at looking angry.

“Xeni I’m bored lets go now” Zetsu’s white side says standing up she nods and pushes her chair in disappearing out of the room as quick as possible behind Zetsu.

“was that Zetsu’s cloak?” Deidara questions now thinking about it, they nod perplexed. Xeni lay on her back on the right side of the bed staring at the ceiling light in a light trans, Zetsu turns out the light making her close her eyes and see multiple flashing shades of colours. Her eyes finally settle peacefully as she rolls over onto her side to stare at Zetsu looking back at her with his golden eyes glowing in the dark and watching her, she turns onto her other side uncomfortably to stare at the wall when she feels something warm now slid up against her. Zetsu wraps his arms around her without saying anything and holds her close, she lies there unsure of what to do but closes her eyes once again and gives a stiffened yawn before rubbing her cheek against the pillows to get comfy.

Light bursts through the curtains onto Xeni’s face waking her up to an empty and cold room, Zetsu was no where to be seen but she found that his cloak was covering her and the bed covers where kicked to the end of the bed during the night. The plants around the room hadn’t been watered so she finds a miniature watering can and starts to trickle water into each, the door opens when she’s about done and Zetsu stands in the door frame peering at her.

“they looked thirsty” she softly speaks putting the last of the water into the biggest plant pot and then wondering over to Zetsu with something behind his back, her head tries to see what’s behind him but he had already pushed the mysterious objects into her stomach and left swiftly before she can say anything.

“clothes? Oh wow this dress is so pretty” Xeni gasps holding up the flayering long dress against her self in the mirror, before long she had thrown all of her clothes off and put the new dress on.

“I love it…” she whispers to her self smiling at looking at the knee length black dress with red rose head on the top of the single strap and beautifully embroiled blue orchids with purple leaves and stems and orange grass spiralling up the bottom. Small pink flowers stem out from the blue orchid also on the bottom and one side of her chest, she gives a short twirl and giggles before performing little bally moves across the wooden floor while no one was looking. Zetsu walks in on her giving a final fancy twirl in the dress and landing on her tip toes right in front of him doing a small swam like stance, her eyes burst open to look at him staring straight at her with Tobi sniggering behind him. Her entire face bursts like a volcano into many different shades of red, she coughs loudly and stands normally trying to change the subject but Zetsu beats her to it.

“you look lovely in that dress” his white side says giving a friendly smile, she smiles back and gives him a surprise hug with a gentle squeeze.

“its really lovely Zetsu” Xeni smiles up at him before looking behind him at Tobi who is still sniggering, she glares for a moment with a fiendish thought coming into mind.

“Tobi….?” is all she has to say before a jeep comes from behind his mask and he’s sent running down the hallway quickly leaving Xeni with a smile on her victories face.

“so what are we doing today Zetsu?” she turns to look back up at Zetsu curiously while he shuts his bedroom door and she walks beside him down the hallway.

“I’m going on a mission today so I’m putting you in charge of watering all of my plants in the garden” she nods and follows him outside, the garden was massive and had many different plants growing in it. Xeni gulps at the size of some of the plants triple her size, Zetsu gives her a watering can and a board with notes on it before leaving by disappearing into the ground.

“where to start….” she mumbles taking the heavy watering can and walking about looking at every plant trying to find some where simple to begin. She had been in the garden for hours now and was growing tiered from walking back and forth with a heavy wheel barrel so decides to take a rest under a large oak tree to tick off her list.

“okay I watered the pansy’s and other small plants…the tree’s have been watered and the hedges have been trimmed” she ticks off the boxes then looks at the next note in the list and stands back up.

“next is to feed the…carnivorous plants?” she gulps and picks up a large bag of different meats, throwing them into the wheel barrow she heads over to a deep and hidden part of the garden where small fly traps grew in clumps. They where easy to feed since they only needed small insects but the deeper in she went the bigger and more snappy they got, eventually she came to a dead end with fly traps all around her. She looks down at the board and reads it then looks at the biggest bag in the barrel then around her.

“hmm his biggest plant should be around here…” she halts in her sentence to the large glop of warm drool hitting her bare arm, she looks up and gasps in astonishment at the biggest Venus fly trap she had ever seen.

“you…you’re huge!” she accidentally says a little bit too loud grabbing the plants undivided attention, Xeni backs up against the barrel as it shuffles its leaves and moves its head to bend down a little closer.

“ahh you must be hungry, I almost forgot” Xeni rips open the back and holds her nose at the putrid smell of rotten flesh, sticking her hand in she pulls out the first piece and waves it to make sure he’s looking. Its mouth opens and she throws it in, it’s mouth shuts then opens again as the meat was gone quicker than it had been thrown.

“nice party trick” she giggles picking up another bit and throwing it in, the plant munches then opens its mouth nodding suggestively to her making Xeni smile. Soon the meat was gone and the plant seemed satisfied and was now just looking at her, cautiously her hand raises up and touches the tip. The plant doesn’t move to her touch and she begins to gently pet its head with a smile before leaving with the barrel, behind her she can hear the plant snapping its mouth and rustling its leaves.

“you have some guts touching a flesh eating plant, especially one that big” a voice mysteriously speaks, hidden some where in the garden. Her head twists and turns around her then she automatically raises her eyebrow confused, the mysterious voice eventually speaks again.

“up here, un” looking up at a tree she stops pushing the barrel to see Deidara and Kakuzu perched and watching her like peeping toms.

“hello” Xeni gives a small smile then carries on pushing the barrel into the hot house before locking it up and putting the keys in her small gardening belt, Deidara and Kakuzu had jumped down and where now walking up to her.

“he wasn’t that scary once you fed him enough to keep him satisfied” Xeni quietly mutters still trying to pull a gardening tool out of the belt, when she finally manages to prize it out she almost smacks Deidara with it’s blade.

“watch what you’re doing, un!” Deidara snaps backing off from the form wielding albino, she smiles apologetically at them until he drops it and moves on.

“so you really are helping Zetsu with the gardening while he’s gone?” Kakuzu looks around then at the board now fully ticked of all the jobs.

“I like gardening so I don’t mind” she speaks politely bending down and digging up a small tulip then replanting it in new compost, Deidara gives a weird snigger behind her.

“you know what that fertilizer’s made of right, un?” she stands back up and rubs her hands together then gives him a stupid look.

“uhm, decomposed plants and food?” she questions giving a short eye roll that they have to squint to catch because of her eye colour.

“well yeah, but you want to know the -secret- ingredient in the fertilizer?” Kakuzu had caught on and was leaning closer with Deidara both had suspicious smirks making her squint her eyes.

“hm? Go on tell me then” she asks leaning in to hear them as they whisper back, Deidara leans into her ear and whispers.

“…people” when he leans back they both look to see Xeni’s reaction, at first she just looks at them emotionlessly but then a small smile starts to twitch. Before long she’s grabbing her stomach and laughing hysterically at them, she’d slowly stop sniggering and give a small sniffle and wipes a tear from her eye before thinking about it again and laughing harder until she’s on her knee’s.

“can’t….breath…..ahh my stomach!” she yells trying to breath through her laughter, eventually the joke had run stale and Xeni was able to breath again. Her face a purple colour from the heavy laughing and lack of air Deidara and Kakuzu had run off freaked out by her maniac laughing leaving her alone looking like a freak, she sniffles and wipes more tears from her eyes. It was still early in the afternoon by the time she had finished so she decided to stroll back inside to clean her self, while walking through the hallway she bumps into Itachi and Kisame in the hallway. Kisame stares at her along with Itachi blankly she just replies to the staring with a smile before speed walking past them, when she turns the corner Xeni saw Konan sticking her head into Zetsu’s room. When she see’s Xeni she smiles and shut the door before walking up to her quickly.

“there you are, I was wondering where you had gone” Konan stops her in the hallway, Xeni was a little taller than her so she had to look down just a little to see her eyes.

“looking for me?” she asks with a curious monotone before she finds her self dragged into the living room where a few other Akatsuki members where hidden along with the double act Deidara and Kakuzu.

“so you finished laughing and rolling around?” Kakuzu questions as Konan pushes Xeni down onto the sofa and sits next to her, on the table where random cards and slips of paper.

“since you’re the only other female around I need your help with something” Konan clearly states holding up to cards to choose from, she points at the blue one and Konan puts it down in a small pile on the other side of the table.

“and out of these two?” Konan asks holding up a heart and a star, Xeni looks at them for a moment before carefully pointing at the star.

“what are all of these for?” Xeni asks looking at all of the random bits of paper scattered around that everyone was fiddling with.

“its for a party we’re having to celebrate a special event coming up” Xeni nods and cuts out shapes dotted out on the paper carefully then starting on another one, Itachi and Kisame where in the living room as well staring at her once again. By this time she was getting rather annoyed by it and she looks at Itachi straight in the eyes then blinks with a bitterly sweet voice.

“you know it’s not nice to stare” Xeni states before averting her eyes back to the paper and snipping at it again, they where still looking at her and Xeni could feel her temper rising.

“really, please stop staring at me” Xeni calmly pleads giving a lost puppy act towards them until there eyes avert to dodge the expression, Tobi had appeared with Zetsu in the door and jumps over almost making Xeni cut her finger.

“Tobi watch what you’re doing I almost cut my self” she whimpers holding her untouched finger looking it over to make sure she hadn’t cut it in any way.

“Tobi is a good boy” is all he says in an sweet voice that irritates Xeni, she looks at her shoulder where Tobi had perched his chin.

“that doesn’t excuse you from jumping on people with pointy things in hand, I could of cut my self” Xeni states cutting the paper again to finish off the shape of the heart, it was sliced at the top where she had been jumped making her tot.

“aww now look it’s spliced at the top” she mutters picking up more paper to start again, Konan looks at the large pile of hearts then looks to Xeni.

“Its okay we have enough hearts, what other shapes can you do?” she asks Xeni as she puts the pink paper back down.

“I could cut out some roses and stuff I suppose?” Konan blinks and gives a small smile.

“how could you possibly cut out a rose with a piece of paper?” she asks sarcastically as she watches Xeni cut into the paper, after awhile she had cut out several different sizes of tear drops and other odd shapes.

“it looks nothing like a flower, un” Deidara looks over and thrusts his eyes from the silly looking cut outs, Xeni just gives a small chuckle before starting to randomly mess around with the glue.

“there one rose” Xeni holds up a perfectly cut rose to show everyone, Konan’s eyes widen and Deidara just seems struck back by his earlier comment.

“wow that’s really good!” Xeni smiles at all the compliments before she looks at the heart on her lap then she picks it up and waves it in Tobi’s face.

“here” Tobi takes it a little confused but bounces away from her shoulder letting Xeni roll her shoulders back and stretch, for the entire time he had been breathing down her neck non stop. By dinner time she had made many different roses and had stiff fingers, Xeni had hidden her self in Zetsu’s bedroom to get away from everyone’s eye sight for just a little while. Zetsu had been acting weird the entire time since he had gotten back with Tobi and was averting his eyes from Xeni, he sat by his desk writing when she got up to come talk to him.

“are you okay Zetsu?” Xeni asks looking over his shoulder at the blank piece of paper with nothing on it, he had been sitting there pretending to write something.

“Tobi still has that silly heart in his hand…I saw him gluing it over his mask eye hole earlier. It was really funny though he walked straight into a wall” Xeni giggles but Zetsu doesn’t seem to find it that amusing and keeps looking at his pen and paper, Xeni peers at him with a small pout before putting a rose on his desk on top of the blank paper. Xeni looks nervously at Zetsu staying quiet the entire time, her body warmth leaves his back as she slips off to the bathroom door. she smiles at his back before shutting and locking the bathroom door behind her, Zetsu stares into space before looking at the door to the sound of running water. Tobi wonder’s in and looks at Zetsu then tunes into the running water before giggling like a school girl, Zetsu rolls his eyes then looks at Tobi’s forehead with the heart still stuck to his orange mask. He glares at Tobi sending chills down his spine but Tobi gets over it and cuddles Zetsu like a child looking for forgiveness, inside the bathroom a shower curtain is heard shifting and the shower water stopping. Eventually the door unlocks and Xeni pokes her head out to look at Tobi cuddling Zetsu she smiles at them making Zetsu shift his eyes away from her.

“awww, you guys are cute together” she giggles rubbing her dripping hair with a towel then grabbing a brush from the desk beside Zetsu, Tobi stops cuddling Zetsu and latches onto Xeni who starts struggling to get away.

“T-Tobi not when I’m in a towel!” she shouts trying to prize him off ending in the towel dropping and letting both men see everything, giving a small screech she grabs the towel from the ground and wraps it back around her self. Tobi had cupped his mask hole and was giggling pervert idly where as Zetsu was in a state of frozen shock, Xeni stands bright red and unable to look at either of them. Grabbing the dress from the bed she runs into the bathroom and locks the door, Tobi tries to control the giggling to look at Zetsu.

“Zetsu, your nose is bleeding” Tobi waves his hand in front of Zetsu’s face and then clicks his fingers until he finally escapes the shock to clean up the nose bleed on his whites sides lip.

“heh heh Tobi saw Xeni in the stark!” Zetsu’s black side’s eye twitches as he shoves Tobi out of the room and shuts the door irritated, he goes to the bathroom door and knocks on it before placing an ear to the bathroom door.

“Xeni? You can come out now Tobi is gone…” his white side says with a tissue shoved up his nostril, the door latch clicks and opens slowly as a still bright red Xeni pokes her head out and looks up at Zetsu.

“its dinner time anyway, you must be hungry?” Zetsu’s black side asks but Xeni shakes her head still shy about what had happened.

“what do you eat anyway?” Zetsu’s black side questions looking down at her, he hadn’t seen her eat the entire time they had been around each other.

“I could ask you the same question” Xeni replies looking up at him with a raised eyebrow, Zetsu’s black side smirks deviously.

“if I told you then you would surely run away screaming” he jokes looking at her with his bright golden eyes piercing and making her white pupils tint a kind of orange colour back to him.

“it can’t be that bad…you don’t eat orchids do you?” she asks sarcastically as her confidence begins to grow steadily in her voice again.

“I’m a cannibal” Zetsu’s white side says calmly still looking her straight in the eyes, Xeni gives a large and loud sigh of relief and she breaths out a lot of tension.

“oh thank goodness” she says still breathing out taking Zetsu by surprise, his eyes widen as he looks at her with a perplexed look.

“you’re not scared by the fact I eat people?” Xeni rubs the back of her head and looks about nervously.

“well the truth is, I’m also a cannibal” Xeni looks at her feet then back up at Zetsu nervously, his frozen state had been brought back to him.

“I uhm, thought if I told you then you would be scared of me or something” Xeni stutters fiddling with her hands and fingers, Zetsu seemed to still be in a frozen state. Xeni’s eyes sadden at his reaction and her mouth drops along with her head looking back down at her bare feet.

“maybe I’ve said too much” Xeni says slowly before slipping past him and heading to the door, her eyes widen at the sudden grasp around her waist.

“Zetsu?” she says quietly looking up at the man in question peering back down at her, she finds her self lip locked with Zetsu and pushed against the wooden door. The door at her back starts to shift as someone on the other side was trying to get in but Zetsu kept it shut using her body and his weight against it, finally pulling away to let her breath she coughs quietly into her hand and gets out of the way of the door to let who ever it is in. Zetsu opens the door and the new company runs through the door into the wall on the other side flopping onto their back and groaning into their cupped mouth, Kisame opens one of his eyes and looks up at Zetsu and Xeni before Itachi finally enters silently.

“Kisame, you’re an idiot…” Itachi mutters closing his eyes for a moment before opening them and looking at Xeni emotionlessly, she stares back with a cocky smirk but doesn’t say a word.

“its dinner time hurry up, there’s a meeting going on and they want both of you there” Itachi turns on his heels and leaves while Kisame staggers to get up and follow him, Xeni watches him wobble around along the corridor like jelly until finally straightening up before entering the dining room. Xeni sits silently next to Zetsu at the end of the table giving Zetsu secret glances now and again, going a gentle pink every time she thinks about what happened earlier. The Akatsuki discussed money changes and other important things until everything was covered and food was brought out, Zetsu didn’t take anything where as Tobi had forced Xeni to have a plate of his home made food. Xeni stares at her plate and pokes it with the fork while Tobi sits next to her with a small pout.

“don’t you like Tobi’s cooking?” Tobi whines staring at her untouched plate of food, Xeni looks up from the plate at him while the rest of the table goes silent. She stutters for a moment before putting the fork into the food and then sniffing it.

“uh…yeah ohm it looks great I was just thinking that’s all” she tries to stall before looking back down, no one else had touched their plates either so it seemed that Tobi’s cooking was viewed as a health risk.

“eat some then!” Tobi yelps everyone else seems to lean in closer to see what will happen next.

“this is like one of those suspense T.V shows” someone whispers across the table, Xeni looks at the food then at Tobi with a nervous smile.

“its just food…it’s a challenge” Xeni repeatedly whispers to her self putting the food in her mouth then removing the fork, the potatoes in her mouth are chewed slowly and to everyone’s disgusted and Xeni’s horror there’s a sudden loud crunch from her mouth.

“Tobi’s cooking is good?” Tobi asks looking at her as she crunches the rest of the potatoes then swallows it, she nods slowly before she finds Tobi begging for her to put more of it in her mouth.

“I already ate so I’m not that hungry, but its really good…Tobi” Xeni mutters trying to guzzle down as many glasses of water as she can in the space of a minute.

“you don’t have to force your self, un” Deidara whispers to her from across the table, her eye brow twitches when she feels something in her mouth. Placing a finger and a thumb in her mouth she pulls out something unidentifiable from her tongue and looks at it.

“Tobi…what did you put in the food?” Xeni asks wrapping the thing in a hanky then sifting through the mash to find more strange looking objects lurking inside of it.

“potatoes of course!” Tobi explains pointing at it but Xeni holds up the different shaped things in her food with a glare.

“what…Else did you put in it” Xeni hiss’s with a deathly glare making Tobi slide back on his chair away from her.

“Tobi put other vegetables in as well!” Xeni looks back down at her plate then sifts at it some more while everyone watches.

“these don’t look like any vegetables I’ve ever seen…where did you get them?” everyone’s eyes turn to Kakuzu who glares about the room and folds his arms.

“don’t look at me! I may buy everything as cheap as possible but I wouldn’t buy freaky foods!” he shouts loudly. Tobi points in a random direction in the room before speaking.

“Zetsu’s garden was full of them, so I picked some for the food” Xeni looks back down at the plate rather worried now.

“but Zetsu doesn’t grow any…” Xeni stops mid sentence and her eyes widen in horror before her head turns to Tobi in a flash.

“Tobi…what did the ‘vegetables’ look like or rather where did you find them in the garden?” Tobi puts his index finger on his chin then looks up at the ceiling before he remembers.

“the very back of the garden, they looked edible so I brought them back” Xeni looks around then up at Zetsu who is also trying to figure this one out, Xeni being on the ball drops the food in question back onto the plate before all colour in her disappears and her head turns back to Tobi slowly like clock work.

“Tobi?….” Xeni’s fringe drops down over her face as everyone looks at her, the pale white face beginning to heat up into a passionate fiery red.

“yes Xeni?” Tobi asks innocently leaning closer to see what’s wrong as she twitches her open lip showing her bare and gritting pearly white teeth.

“where the ‘vegetables’ green and open sort of like little mouths?” Xeni questions emotionlessly still looking down at the mess on her plate, Tobi nods.

“yeah they did? What’s wrong Xeni do you feel sick? Tobi will go get some medicine!” Xeni quickly replies

“it’s okay Tobi…heh…heh…the only one who will need help will be you…” Tobi tilts his head confused.

“why would Tobi need help? Tobi is a good boy!” Tobi stares waiting for an answer, her next few words are slow but poison drips off every letter making everyone, including Zetsu, slide down to the far side of the table.

“because…heh Tobi…” Xeni turns to look Tobi straight in the eyes, her mouth opens slowly.

“I’m….going heh…to KILL YOU!” she yells with rage pouncing onto him and pounding him onto the kitchen floor, Tobi cries for help as Xeni throttles him uncontrollably against the floor until he can hardly even breath straight. Everyone just watched as Tobi tries to crawl away before he’s dragged by Xeni behind the kitchen counter where more screams are heard, Xeni pokes her head up and grabs the closest rolling pin in reach before she disappears behind the counter again.

“but Tobi is a GOOD boy!!” Tobi yells out scrapping at the kitchen floor as Xeni starts to pummel him with the pin.

“you’ll be a good boy when you’re unable to move for a year in a intensive care unit!” Xeni shouts angrily smacking him a few more times, she beats the crap out of him for at least 5 minutes before she gets up from behind the counter and fixes her ruffled hair.

“stupid Tobi…” she mumbles sitting back down at the table then rolling her shoulder and muttering.

“heh…that felt kind of good” Xeni smiles making her fingers crack, Tobi groans from behind the counter before he stands up looking like he had just fought off at least 7 wild tigers in a needle forest.

“Tobi…” Xeni asks not looking away from her hands, Tobi whimpers not wanting to know what she wanted to do to him next.

“I still haven’t beaten you up for kidnapping me….have I?” her eyes cock to the side and she gives a small glare to the thin air, mean while everyone had been silently watching and taking pictures of the whole thing. Tobi runs out of the kitchen door frantically screaming, the door slams behind him making Xeni sigh then poke the food on her plate again.

“Tobi’s a monster…feeding me these poor things” Pein’s eyebrow raises as he looks at the albino girl who had just beaten up one of their -strongest- members only 2 minutes ago for 5 minutes without a break and wasn’t even tiered yet.

“she says Tobi is a monster?” he whispers to Konan who seems more interested in what Tobi had actually fed her.

“what did Tobi put in the food? It seemed to make you awfully mad…” Konan dares to ask as Xeni looks up rather astonished at the question.

“well by the sound of it he snuck into Zetsu’s carnivorous section and dug up some of the fly traps thinking they where food” Xeni shakes her head with disbelief and pick up what would probably of been the stem.

“but to think that a fly trap was a vegetable? You would need to be I dunno ohm…blind? No…take that back I‘m blind and even I can tell the difference” Xeni mutters making everyone’s eyes widen.

“excuse me?” Konan asks with a hesitant voice, Xeni smiles and tilts her head.

“didn’t Tobi tell you?” Xeni questions rather perplexed, Konan shakes her head then her eyes squint.

“wait if you’re blind then how can you see everything so clearly?” everyone’s eyes squint as they think of all the things a blind person couldn’t possibly do that she has.

“well its hard to explain…I guess the only easy way to explain it is that I can see everything in a heat image” Xeni looks up at them and their confused faces making her giggle gently.

“I can see where you all are because I can see where all your temperature are, but I‘m completely blind if I cancel the Jutsu” Xeni explains rubbing one of her closed eyelids softly, Deidara sniggers suddenly making everyone look a him slightly appalled.

“this means Tobi got the crap beat out of him by a blind woman” Xeni smiles then blinks before looking back towards the door.

“I guess he did” Xeni stands up with her plate and walks over to the sink, Zetsu wonder’s over and looks down at her rather confused still.

“I’ll explain later” Xeni whispers to him before putting the plate into the dish washer and heading back to Zetsu’s room. Xeni had spent most of her time trying to explain it all to Zetsu but even now he didn’t understand some of it, she leans into him on the edge of the bed, they had turned the light off by now to try sleep but Zetsu couldn’t drop their conversation for long.

“so you don’t actually know what I look like?” Zetsu’s white side asks quietly with his arms wrapped around her as she snuggles into him to keep warm.

“looks aren’t important Zetsu, besides I have a good idea about how you look” Xeni begins as she raises one hand up onto his black sides cheek and rubbing it gently.

“how do you think I look?” Zetsu asks curiously but still a little nervous that her description could be a heat breaker.

“well from my heat readings your very…hot” Xeni gives a pathetic chat-up line to Zetsu that makes them both chuckle softly, Xeni’s hands slide down and onto his shoulder before sliding back up the inside of his Venus fly trap’s head.

“I think the plant on your shoulders are cute…oh god here’s another cheesy pick up line coming” Xeni jokes sliding back down onto the bed then looking up at him with her snow white eyes and face.

“there are thousands of plants in the world…but you are my favourite” Xeni smiles snuggling back into him, Zetsu’s arms grip tighter around her as he lies back onto the bed to let Xeni get comfy snuggled into his side.

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Captured pink flower

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Captured pink flower

part 1: The result

by: Lizziesdream

Sakura Haruno, the highly skilled pink headed medic ninja from the hidden leaf village, was out of breath. This NEVER happened, but this was different from her usual easy missions. Tsunade, the female Hokage had issued her the top secret mission to escort a girl to the corner of the fire county. At first she had been reluctant, after all she had just returned from a tiring mission to the rain country, the idea of running off again wasn’t high on her to-do list.

“It’s very important you go Sakura” muttered Tsunade, as she propped her head up with her hands.

“They need a medic ninja”

“Then send a different one, im exhausted” she complained, slumping in the brown chair in front of the desk.

“I just got home!”

“Im afraid that you’re the only one with the skills for this mission” she sighed, looking at the stacked paper work in front of her

“But I just got home” she mumbled again.

“Sakura, this is a very important mission that I just can’t send anyone on. You HAVE to escort this young girl back to her village”

Sakura raised a pink eyebrow sceptically, at her teacher.

“Im sure you could send a less experienced for such an easy mission” she yawned, stretching her slander arms above her pink head, arching her back.

“Did I mention that she is a Jinchuurriki” she muttered casually, signing some papers.

“She needs someone that’s alert Sakura, it’s important that she returns safely”

The konuchi rolled her emerald eyes, knowing that her soft heart wouldn’t allow her to refuse.

“Fine, but only this once” she muttered cracking her knuckles sitting up straight in the chair.

“Oh, and another thing, she is on the wanted list for the Akatsuki”

Sakura looked at her teacher with pure shock. That’s why she wanted her to go on the mission, because she was experienced, because S-classed criminals were after the girl.

“I don’t want a medic with limited information going on this mission Sakura, it’s very dangerous”

She sighed, obviously troubled by the thought of it.

“Usually I wouldn’t send you out on this type of mission, its far to risky, but it’s important she gets home. We can’t have her here much longer, it’s making Naruto’s demon restless, and besides, the village will pay you greatly for her return”

Sakura frowned at the memory. The girl had turned out to be a trap, and a very convincing one, leading her and the other ninja’s that were accompanying into the feared group’s hands. Sakura had acted quickly to the change in situation, and had taken the girl and made a run for it through the forest, hoping that she wouldn’t be encountered.

Unlikely

She was halfway through when she noticed the animals. They had all gone.

“Where is everything?” she whispered, stopping on a thick tree branch crouching to keep her balance, her eyes scanning the area, that’s when she realised it.

Chakra signatures, everywhere.

She looked around wildly, trying to figure out if they could be local’s, but something about the chakra was different. It seemed more sinister, if that was even possible. She frowned knowing that escaping the reach of the group would be harder than expected, especially getting out alive.

“Ok,” she murmured, setting the bewildered girl down on the branch.

“Stay here and DON’T move im going in for a closer look to check if this is a safe route” she muttered sternly, focusing her energy on cloaking her chakra.

The small girl nodded and Sakura straightened up, bounding of the branch at a fast pace, trying to keep the scouting to a minimum, hoping that returning back to the girl as quickly as possible would be the result.

That’s when she saw them.

“Fuck” she hissed, landing on a thick branch, crouching low, moving with the swaying tree limb.

The two figures were below her, their bamboo hats like dots in the sea of over grown grass. Their long black cloaks fluttered in the soft breeze, showing the feared red cloud print. Sakura bit her lip, brushing the pale pink hair from her emerald eyes, trying to figure out what to do next. Of course she could just throw some kunai at their pressure points, making the fight easy on her, physically. But somehow, that sort of death didn’t seem to do justice to the feared S-classed crims. They needed to die more honourably that of just blood loss, they should die in battle, fighting someone better than a medical ninja. Sakura sighed, hoping that someone would come and save her, not because she was scared of battle, but her mission right now was to get the girl to safety.

“Are you sure that the medic is out here?” asked the taller one.

“Yes” muttered the other, his voice blank, like a sheet of ice.

The taller one laughed, pulling his hat from his head. He wasn’t just tall

“Blue?”

That was impossible; no human could be blue and survive. Then again, thought Sakura, leaning closer, he wasn’t exactly human looking. He actually resembled a fish in some way, like a shark or something; he had blue-ish hair, it sticking up above his head. She leaned closer again, careful not to lose her balance. He had a huge sword attached to his back, strips of cloth bounded around it. He grinned, showing a frightful mouthful of sharp teeth.

“Come out little girlie” he cooed, trying to sound warm and fuzzy but instead sounding even more frightful than his appearance.

Sakura sucked in a breath and jumped to another branch, careful to keep her signature low, trying to get a better look at her opponents.

“What do think we should do with the prisoner?”

What?

“Kill her” muttered the shorter one, he too taking off his hat, revealing long black gloss hair pulled into a low ponytail. That’s when it clicked.

Uchiha Itachi and Hoshigaki Kisame

Sakura suppressed a gasp, covering her mouth with her right hand, biting down hard on the index finger.

“This can not be real” she thought, watching the two men walk through the clearing in the forest.

Even under their long high necked cloaks they looked strong. A muscular frame was present through the material as well as their height and obvious physical power. Sakura frowned, starting to think that the whole world was meant to be taller than her.

“They cant be far” muttered Kisame.

“I agree” said Itachi.

“We should just go home. We don’t need that girl anyway” moaned Kisame

“Sakura is needed to succeed” said Itachi icily.

Sakura cocked her head. Succeed? In what?

What did they need her for? The only thing she could really do was be a medic ninja.

“But, why I heard that chicks a bitch on crack” moaned Kisame pulling his huge chakra sucking sword from his back.

“Bitch?” she thought, her pink eyebrow twitching.

“Who is he calling a bitch?”

“Yeah, that girl is such a whore” he murmured.

…Whore

“Slut”

She bit her lip, trying to clam her self down.

“WHORE!! SLUT!!!” screamed her inner, the girl ripping her hair out.

“That shark face fucker doesn’t know when to stop”

Sakura sighed softly and mentally punched her, trying to keep her from actually saying something out loud.

“I think we should just get a different medic. This one’s too much of a hassle”

She sucked in a small breath crouching to get a better look through the ever moving leaves.

“No. This one can lure out Naruto, not to mention she has surpassed even her great teacher”

“So there you sharkie bitch” she smirked.

The freakishly tall blue shinobi turned around, his eyes glued to the position where Sakura was crouched.

Oh. Fuck.

Sakura clamped her hand over her mouth, knowing she had just screamed out what she was meant to just think. Cursing to her self she leapt to another branch, careful not to make herself visible.

“Come out now pinkie and we might spare you the loss of you face” laughed the shark like man.

“At least I wouldn’t have to see your face anymore, it makes my eyes bleed” she hissed, her hand returning t her mouth realising she had just said it out loud. Again.

“She’s south” muttered Itachi.

Suddenly, a shower of kunai sliced through the leaves.

“Shit” she muttered, jumping to another tree, the throwing knives following her.

“The only advantage I will have is on the ground” she muttered, dropping from the trees, focusing all of her chakra to her feet, landing onto the ground with a hard CRASH.

“Damn” coughed Kisame.

“And enjoy it” she screamed, pulling all of her energy to her hand, smacking him across the face.

“Who’s the whore now?” she taunted, knowing that she had to get her act together and stop being impulsive. She had already put that girl into trouble by leaving her alone.

“Still you” he hissed, swinging his huge sword at her.

“Damn, his faster than I expected” she thought, her lips forming into a pout. If there was one thing she hated was being wrong.

“You frightened?” he smirked, swinging it skilfully to her again, giving her only seconds to jump out the way.

“Crap-shit” she cursed, feeling a gash on the top of her exposed arm, frowning as the chakra leaked from her body.

“Colourful langue you have” smirked the fish, swinging again.

Sakura frowned harder. She needed a new approach, or she would never win his battle.

“You’re quick, I guess it’s from being a good medic right? Whore” he asked, smiling smugly at the added name.

Sakura’s cheeks began to burn with anger.

“IM NOT A WHORE” she screamed, her energy focusing in her index fingers, smashing it quickly against both of his arms, making the huge sword fall to the ground.

“What the?” he yelled bewildered, staring at his limp arms.

“A perk of being me” she smirked smugly, brushing away the pink hair.

“Well, then you should be suitable for what we need you for” muttered Itachi, walking towards her, his red eyes blazing

“Wh-what?” she whispered, the gaze locked with her own, fear in the pit of her stomach.

“Fuck he’s hot” squealed her inner, jumping up and down.

“Fuck off” she hissed to herself, her eyes not leaving the rich blazing red ones.

“One” he murmured, his voice sounding bored as his eyes burned into her, locking her gaze.

“Oh”

“Two” hissed Kisame

“My fucking”
“Three”

“God”

Suddenly, Sakura slipped unconscious, the blazing red eyes still fresh in her mind.

“She will make a good wall hanging” smirked Kisame, as he pulled all the energy to his arms and secured the sword to his back again.

“But is she really that necessary?”

Itachi nodded slightly, looking down at unconscious konuchi, her pink hair in her face.

“She I the most important thing in this mission, she will draw out Naruto and possibly other high ranked ninjas”

“Is that what Leader-sama wants?”

Itachi nodded.

“She is a strong healer, she can do anything”

Kisame huffed and picked up the girl, throwing her over his shoulder.

“Lets get this girl home”

yes I know its short but its just chapter one, and I honestly couldn’t come up with anything better. and YES I SPELL COLOUR WITH A ‘U’ its coz im Australian and that’s how its spelt. Sorry if this bit sucked ass, im trying to get better

XX


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Part 2: Life

Sakura slowly opened her eyes, the soft light pulsing through her optics as she let out a soft moan of discomfort, her body still limp and weak.

“What happened?” she thought, the memories suddenly flashing through her

“She’s awake” muttered a familiar voice; a sharp jab struck her side.

“Wake up; I need the feeling in my arms back”

“Deal with it” she moaned, her mind drifting away, before another jab hit her.

“Heal me”

Sakura pushed her face down, her lips meeting dirty. Furiously she sat up, spitting the brown sand onto the ground, her eyes landing on the ones of the shark man.

“Nasty” she muttered, lifting her hand to her tongue, noticing the tightly bound rope around her wrist.

“Jeez, went to extremes didn’t we?” she muttered, shifting her hands around so they wouldn’t hurt when she moved them.

“You better just do you’re told pinkie” he hissed, showing his teeth again.

“You’re so demanding” she moaned, lifting her hand to his left arm, focusing on opening the nerves safely, although the thought of crippling them further was nipping in her mind.

“There fish stick”

A growl escaped his mouth as he flashed his sharp teeth, making the medic pull her lips into a tight line.

“next arm,” he ordered, turning to her.

Itachi stood not to far from them, his eyes blazing again. Sakura shifted uneasily. They were treating her unusually well, considering that she was an outsider.

“Do you ever stop staring at me?” she snapped, mainly because she had a headache the size of Mt. Fuji.

“Yes”

“You’re creepy” she murmured.

Silence

“Let’s go”

Suddenly Kisame hauled her up again, throwing her over his shoulder.

“Im human” she screamed, feebly hitting his back with her bounded hands.

“Not a sack of fucking potatoes”

“Don’t care”

“We’ll you should” she huffed, blowing a stray strand of hair from her face.

“Why do you need me?”

“Because you’re going to help us”

“Like join you? You must be on crack”

“No, you’re going to be our personal medic. Were going to treat you nice, feed you everyday, take you out on walkies, won’t that be fun? Like our own puppy dog” laughed Kisame, as he suddenly jumped up into the trees, bonding to the branches at a faster pace than most shinobi’s could have possibly master.

“Crap” she squealed in her head as she watched the ninja jump recklessly.

Suddenly, he missed a branch, landing on the floor, running for a short while before stopping, standing in front a door. Kisame kicked the door revealing a dark hall.

Sakura grunted as they walked down the small stair case that opened to a living area.

“Home sweet home” grinned Kisame, pulling Sakura from his shoulder and chucked her onto the tattered couch.

“Wow, you guys live in luxury” he muttered.

“You have no fear in your voice” said Itachi, raising his eyebrow sceptically.

“Why?”

Sakura stared at the man, hate and discomfort still thick in her emerald eyes.

“Are you serious?” she muttered, looking away from him, trying to keep the utter fear and anger masked.

“Fear is a thing of the mind. If you don’t allow your mind to fall into the trap of believing in fear, then you don’t feel it” she explained in a very matter-of-factly voice.

“Do I hide it well?”

Kisame grinned, showing his sharp teeth.

“Scared now?”

Sakura rolled her eyes.

“Yes”

“Your brave, I’ll give you that”

“Why, a compliment from the feared S-classed criminal, gosh im so thankful” she muttered, her voice thick with sarcasm.

“So where is my prison?” she asked slumping on the couch.

“Im tired’

“We have a room ready for you” said Itachi, still staring at her.

Sakura twitched.

“Do you stare at me because you enjoy my beautiful face? Or is it simply because you love watching me being un-comfortable”

He shrugged.

“I’ll take to latter” she muttered, being yanked from the couch and be dragged down the hallway, a door opening and the pinkette being thrown in.

“This is my prison?” she muttered, bewildered, looking around the comfortable room. The walls were wooden along with the floor and a small single bed was pushed against the far wall, a side table sat next to it, with a simple lamp and draw. Across from the bed was a desk with a matching chair and stationary. A small book shelf and wardrobe were nearby.

“Are you messing with me?” she asked, staring at the men.

“No”

“That’s someone else’s job” smiled the fish stick.

“Oh im sorry fish stick, I wasn’t exactly talking to you” she hissed, her inner screaming the most colourful langue she could think of.

“Oh, too bad”

“You can come out tomorrow”

“Tomorrow?” she squeaked.

“Yeah, we have to show you to the rest of the guys”

“Their not here?”

Itachi nodded his head backing away from the door.

“Goodnight Sakura”

Sakura stood in the middle of the room, her hands still bound together.

“Hey, weasel-chan” she squealed to the door.

“Im still bound together weasel-chan”

Silence

“Bitch” she muttered lifting her hands to her mouth and gnawing at the rope. The door suddenly opened a crack, a bag plopping to the floor.

“Wow, they really are ninja’s” she grinned pulling her bag to her chest and sitting down on her bed, ripping open the bag, pulling out a throwing knife and slitting the rope, flexing the wrist.

“God, if people saw my wrists they would think it’s from bondage or something” she laughed, putting the kunai under her pillow, just incase any freaks (which would be ANYONE in the house) decided to raid her room.

“Ok I need a plan” she thought, pulling her knees to her chin.

“I could make a run for it” she thought, looking around the windowless room.

“But they would amp up the security with me being here”

Sakura sat still, her mind racing. Only coming to one conclusion.

“I have to gain their trust” she whispered, leaning back onto the startlingly soft pillow.

“I guess that’s all I can do, for now”

“Hopefully, this wont be so hard” she muttered, rolling over, her eyes sliding shut.

“But,” she thought, her mind starting to slip.

“Their dangerous, what if I have to kill someone to prove im with them? What if it’s someone from Konoha, what if” she thought, her eyes suddenly flying open.

“Calm down Sakura” she whispered, rolling over, her eyes staring at the wooden wall.

“And part of calming down is to stop swearing” she hissed to herself, knowing that when ever she got scared or worried, her langue came out to bit people in the ass.

“How can you sleep if you’re surrounded by scary men” she muttered, sitting up.

She noticed her graze on her arm. Carefully she lifted her hand and her hand began to glow a soft green, healing the graze in a matter of minutes.

“I need someone to knock me out” she muttered, lifting her hand to her forehead from her arm, pressing it to her skull, making her vision blacken and let her limp body fall onto the scarily soft bed.

“This is my worse nightmare” thought her inner, her voice suddenly disappearing as the strong arm of her unconsciousness pull her away.

“She’s defiantly a feisty one”

Itachi looked up at his partner.

“Yes. You will watch her tonight”

Kisame stopped in his tracks.

“What?”

“If she tries to escape tonight, you will stop her” he explained.

“We can’t afford to have her escape”

Kisame rolled his eyes and turned down the hallway again, stopping out the front of the prisoner’s room.

“Im going to be here all night” he thought glumly leaning against the wall.

“I wounder how old she is” he thought aloud, unlocking the door and peering in. The pink headed girl was lying on the bed in an awkward position, her arms were spread out and her legs bent a little.

“And she says we’re weird” he muttered closing the door and locking it again.

“Im exhausted” he muttered yawing loudly.

“And im hungry” he moaned, sliding down so he was sitting on the floor.

“She looks developed” he muttered, staring at the wall.

“She’s proberly eighteen” he nodded, leaning his head against the wall he had his back to.

“And damn, she has an attitude”

A soft mutter was heard from her room.

“Why are we treating her so well anyway? She’s not a member”

Kisame shrugged.

“Better leave that to a person with a higher IQ”

He opened the door again and watched the girl sleep for a few more minutes, blushing a pale pinkish-purple when he realised he was acting like a paedophile.

***

Sakura sleepily half opened her eyes, pain instantly seeping into her skull.

“Ah crap, I forgot that you get a monster headache after” she winced, feeling like she had just done a hard night of drinking.

“Your not very impressing Haruno, hn” muttered a voice making Sakura sit up sharply, bashing foreheads with the person, making her now pounding head return to her pillow.

“Fuck” she winced, rubbing her skull where it had met the other one, sliding her eyes open, meeting a pair of painfully blue ones.

“Uhhh” was the other person managed to mutter, their hand still on their forehead.

“You have a big forehead hn”

Sakura twitched at the comment, her eyes shaping into a death glare

“What. The. Fuck! I have only known you for what? A minute and your already annoying me” she hissed, feeling her energy pour into her hand, the intense feeling of wanting to get violent pumping through her veins.

The person was lean and muscular, like everyone else from the Akatsuki. Their blonde hair came down to their shoulder, pulled into a sort of half up half down ponytail, their hair covering half their face.

Sakura blinked, attempting to calm down, not wanting to end up dead.

“I didn’t know the Akatsuki employed females”

The persons face suddenly flushed red.

“Im not a girl im a guy, hn”

‘Oh” muttered the pinkette, her cheeks turning scarlet.

“Sorry, you just look really feminine”

He turned away, a pissed look on his face.

“Um, why are you here exactly?”

He looked back.

“I took over from Kisame; he was watching you last night” he muttered casually, spinning a kunai around his finger.

“Oh, I found this under your pillow hn”

Sakura stared at him as her grinned triumphantly.

“So Haruno, you going to try anything funny hn?”

Sakura glared at the man sitting on her bed.

“No” she spat, trying to sound brave but the pain of a headache still present her mine.

“How do you know my name?”

“Ah stop talking” she quickly squealed, pressing her palms against her head.

“Why?”

“Because you’re an ass hole that’s why” she hissed, bringing her fingers to her sore forehead and healing it.

“That’s better” she smiled gratefully that the pain was now gone.

The person stared at her with disbelieve.

“How do you know my name?” she asked gingerly again, fidgeting with her hands.

“You kill my partner hn”

Sakura blinked, her face suddenly turning blank.

Oh.

“Im sorry, I was following orders” she muttered, her voice trailing off.

“Im sorry” she finished, her cheeks flushing uncomfortably.

He rolled his eye, still managing to glare at her.

Sakura took in a deep breath, attempting to calm herself down; she was already scared shitless from all the people she had just met, one of the most dangerous ninjas hating her would be deadly.

“Um, so. What’s your name?” she muttered, attempting to sound friendly.

“Deidara” he muttered.

“Um ok. So now im awake, what do I do?” she asked, hoping she wasn’t stretching her luck by trying to get let out.

“Are you hungry?”

She nodded slightly, trying to keep herself from showing too much emotion; she was after all in a house full of dangerous criminals, one false move and she would be killed.

He got up from her bed and motioned her to follow him.

“This way to the kitchen”

Sakura blinked and followed him, carefully edging out the door, looking down the hallway, half expecting sharp objects to be shot out from the wall and kill her. Or something along those lines.

“What? You too scared to come out of your room?” smirked Deidara.

“N-no” she stuttered, slipping through the door and following him down the hallway that opened to a living area and open kitchen. Itachi was sitting in a chair at the dinning table, his blank face on ,across was Kisame.

“And pinkie awakes”

Sakura rolled her eyes and slumped into a chair.

“So if im to be your private medic does that mean I get to walk around and stuff?”

“With supervision, yes”

She nodded.

“So, what do I do first?”

“Well” muttered Deidara

“He should be here soon”

“Who?” asked the konuchi, her question suddenly answered by a blood chilling scream.

“What the hell is that?” she asked, pulling her hands to her ears.

“He’s arrived” laughed Kisame, getting up from his seat.

“Who?” she asked again, wincing at the scream that was still wailing through the air.

“For gods sake what is that?”

“Hidan” muttered Itachi, his face still blank.

At that moment two ninjas entered the room, one had an orange mask covering his entire face except his right eye with a swirly pattern, the other was tall with a mask that only cover half his face both were dragging a pulpy mangled mess.

“What?” she gasped, staring at the supposed body.

“That things dead, what am I supposed to do with it?”

“Fix it”

Sakura stared at the group of ninjas with disbelief.

“Im a freaking medic, not a miracle worker” she hissed.

“Fix him, he’s still screaming, meaning he’s still alive”

“How can anyone be alive after that” she hissed, pointing at the body, the blood making a scarlet pool around it.

Silence, apart from the constant screaming, that she had noticed had turned oddly, and more disturbingly, pleasurable, like he was enjoying being mangled and pureed.

Sakura rolled her eyes and edged towards the body. Blood was pouring from it fast. She examined the mangled pureed mess, mapping out all of the tiny problems, letting her medical side take over, for now. Two pikes were piercing through his abdomen and chest, proberly piercing his vital organs along with various other knives along his legs and arms. She shivered and pulled the pikes, starting to heal the pierced intestines and lung. To her surprise, it had started to heal itself. Frowning, she focused harder, finishing off the tattered body, somehow turning it into a man with a muscular body and silver hair.

“Well that was fun” she muttered sarcastically getting up. Suddenly the man’s eyes opened, revealing a pair of purple irises.

“Fuck bitch, I was almost at the best fucking part”

Sakura stared at the body on the ground.

“You enjoy, pain?” she asked, her voice thick with anger.

“Hence why if fucking didn’t want to fucking heal me you medical whore” he grumbled getting up.

Sakura twitched.

Medical…..whore?

“It’s my job” she said calmly.

“Don’t worry about him. He has this freaky ritual thing where he-“

“Its not fucking freaky fish boy” he yelled, storming out the room

“Oh, is this the new puppy for Tobi” asked the orange faced ninja.

She glared at him.

“Im a puppy?”

“Oh Tobi is so excited. Now Tobi can get injured and not die. Tobi is a good boy” he exclaimed, jumping

“Tobi shut up”

Sakura blinked at the strange ninja.

“Does he always talk in third person?”

They nodded. Sakura sighed.

“So am I doomed to be your ‘puppy’?”

Kisame laughed.

“Yeah, that’s the main idea. We have a medic’s room ready for you soon. But obviously we can’t have you just wondering around by yourself, you’ll run away and we can’t have that. It took a long time to get you here. So we have to take extra precautions.

“Then why are you treating me so well?”

“Because we want you to heal us the best you can. It’s an exchange. We treat you well, you will treat us well” explained Itachi.

Sakura nodded. It made sense, and since most likely she would be here for a while, why not try and be treated better than a normal prisoner.

“Well, now I’ve been mentally disturbed for the rest of my life, im going to go and have a shower” she muttered turning away, remembering that there was a bathroom in her ‘prison’.

“Wait, I can shower with out being watched”

They glanced at each other, as if to see which one they should go for.

“We’ll wait outside”

Sakura nodded and headed to her room, instantly noticing that the guy with the orange mask was following her.

“Hello puppy, im Tobi”

“Hi Tobi, im Sakura, not puppy. That actually sounds really kinky” she muttered, opening the door and walking to her bag that sat on her bed. She instantly blushed when she opened the backpack.

“Uhhh, Tobi right? Can you close you eye’s for a second?”

“Oh Sakura-chan knows my name! Tobi is so happy. But why does Sakura-chan want Tobi to close his eyes.”

“Because Tobi, I have to get my clothing out, which includes my underwear”

He paused.

“Ok, Tobi will look away, but promise not to hurt Tobi while he isn’t looking”

Sakura gave the ninja a strange look as he covered the only eye hole on his mask with his hand. Swiftly, she snatched her clothes, sprinting to the bathroom locking the door after her. It was an average bathroom. She could tell it had once been occupied by a male; the mirror was smashed and smudged. She sighed and stripped down, turning the water on and stepping under, pulling the curtain shut, letting the water run over her sore body, letting the dirt run off.

“I wounder where they get their water supply from, I can imagine getting a water bill” she giggled, turning off the water after she had finished, wrapping the towel around her, tucking it.

“Holy, we didn’t use that much water” she muttered imitating Kisame.

“Meh” she shrugged, turning into Itachi.

“Fuck we didn’t fucking use that much fucking water” she giggled, turning into the foul mouth ninja

“Yeah hn, what he said” she mumbled, turning to the mirror, combing her fingers through her hair, looking at herself

“I should be a professional at imitations” she giggled, turning to her clean clothes, changing into them quickly.

“Oh, Sakura-chan is finished; Tobi was getting bored of waiting”
“Well wait no more, im done. Im tired, im going to go to sleep now” she mumbled, sleepily walking to her bed, sitting down onto it and letting her head crash against the pillow.

“Goodnight Tobi” she yawned, closing her eyes.

“Good-night Sakura-chan”

“Yeah”

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Who murdered Orochimaru?

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This is a simple Akatsuki crack-fic everyone. I just noticed that I have only written about angst so this is my attempt to loosen up a bit and write some humor, I dont know if it's good or it sucks but I had a hell lot of fun writting it xD It got me relaxing from all my school work.

Disclaimer: I dont own anything that got to do with Naruto, if I did the Akatsuki would still be alive!

Summary: One night, one meeting, one murder. Orochimaru is mysteriously killed during Pein's Akastuki meeting. Detective Tobi has taken the case in his own hands so the gulity murder would be caught. But what if everyone wished to kill Orochimaru to begin with? This may not be so easy as Tobi thought...Akatsuki crack, rated T for Swearing and Tobi-cuteness!

- Who murdered Orochimaru?!-

It all started on a night like this, the time was eight a clock...-ish. Pein- sama invited everyone of his followers to his monthly meeting, Tobi included. Tobi don’t actually see the point though, nothing fun happens on this kind of meetings anyway. No games, no candy, no pillow fights…

Well back to the story. We were all gathered in the Pein-sama’s ultra super gigantic living room, with him sitting comfortable in his soft armchair by the fireplace looking at everyone in the room with his intense glare, holding a glass of wine in his one hand. Tobi felt like he could wet his pants watching him, too bad Tobi left his absorbing underwear back home. You might not know who Tobi is, Tobi is a good boy who don’t exactly work for a for a “nice” organization.

Tobi looked around the room behind Tobi's orange-swirled mask at his fellow colleagues, dressed in the official black suit with the Akatsuki cloud patched on the chest wallet. Let’s start with some introductions shall we. The ginger-haired man with many scaring piercing’s and totally weird looking eyes is Pein, his name is unknown to others but people don’t seem to mind in fear of knowing how he got that nickname. He's the eight generation of the famous yakuza clan, Fuuma and the boss of the Akatsuki, a successful underground drug company.

"Welcome to our weekly meeting, I'm glad everyone could make it today as always. If not I might have presumed you were all dead" Pein joked, everybody gave a false laughter. Tobi just kept quite, he didn’t get the joke.

"Konan,deal out the papers please”

"Hai, Pein-sama" Konan responded as she handed out a bunch of papers to each member.

The woman is Konan- chan, Pein’s personal maid and assistant. How personal they are Tobi don’t want to know, Tobi bet Pein got a lot of girl cooties by the way of it. She wore her cute, but dark Gothic-maid-dress, dark make up, dark shoes… pretty much everything about her is dark except her blue hair. She is almost always quiet and barely makes any facial expression, so it’s hard playing poker with her. She can be quite nice when she’s not in a bad mood. She gave Tobi a really nasty papercut once, Tobi shivers at the thought.

" As you can see it's our progress of our marketing the last month. Zetsu, give us the update of the latest goods. "

" Hai leader-sama, the cocaine and heroin are still in a good condition after the transportation from the Earth country, but the weed from the Grass Country got slightly damaged on the way because of a certain moron said it was bad for grass and used "anti-weed" poison on it." Zetsu glared.

“Tobi said he’s sorry” Tobi sulked in the corner growing mushrooms.

The bi-polar is Zetsu-san. He's one of Tobi's best friends since he's not so mean too Tobi, not nice but less mean. He has even threaten to eat Tobi once( for your information he has been earlier convicted for cannibalism). He has green colored hair, yellow shiny eyes and two different colored skin, one black and the other one white. He also got a split personality, were the dark voice is mean while the light voice is nice. Zetsu-san as the responsibility over the drug transportation, and has great knowledge about any kind of drug and herbs.

"It’s the same what kind of quality it is, people pay just as good money for any crap we sell" a tall blue haired man scoffed.

Next up is Hoshigaki, Kisame. He looks like a fish with his dark eyes and gill tattoos, even his skin is blue! He works as Pein's bodyguard. Tobi don’t know him so well, but he jokes, fights and drinks a lot of sake. He's not so mean to Tobi either, but he did bite Tobi's leg once when he was drunk thinking Tobi was a dancing sugar filled lollipop man who could grant him wishes if he ate him(?!). Disturbing isn't it? Tobi got a nasty scar from the incident. When people ask what the mark on Tobi’s leg is, Tobi tells them it's a shark bite.

" Kisame, don’t speak out of turn." Itachi scolded Kisame, he turned to Pein and bowed humbly ” I deeply apologize for Kisame-sans unnecessary statement Leader-sama"

"Itachi your sometimes to polite for your own good" Kisame chuckled.

The one by Kisame-sans side is Uchiha, Itachi, Pein-sama's personal doctor and Tobi's cousin! He got long silk like black hair like the one's in a beauty commercial Tobi doesn't remember, what was the saying" because your worth it"?. Like Tobi he got red eyes that seems like the pupils swirls when he’s angry. He is also very intelligent and calm, and doesn't seem to like to talk to anyone here except for Kisame-san.

" I except the apologize Itachi-san, it's good someone hasn't forgot their manners here" Pein smirked.

" Drug still has it's effect despite its lack in quality, it will have a effect that will not last forever but will always leave a unforgettable moment. Just the way true art should be un.”

Then there's DEIDARA-SEMPAI! ONE OF PEIN’S TOP HENCHMAN, BOMBING EXPERT/MANIAC AND TOBI'S BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD! Deidara has long blond hair that cowers his blue eye and has the rest in a high ponytail. When Tobi saw him for the first time, Tobi thought he was a girl and asked him why he wasn’t wearing a cute dress like Konan-chan. It was the first time Deidara tried killing Tobi, and the first of many *sights dreamy*. He threatens to kill Tobi all the time because Tobi's "annoying" and not "cool" enough to be in the Akatsuki. But Tobi knows they are just empty words, if not Tobi would have died a long time ago^^

"I can't believe you are even comparing drugs with art, you even got the whole beauty of art concept wrong. True art is meant to last forever, not to wither away in a instant"

The one leaning against the wall beside Deidara Sempai is Sasori-san, one of Pein-sama's henchman and poison expert. He got short red hair and brown eyes that can stare right through you. He's Deidara-sempai's partner and has a weird fascination with dolls. (*Sasori glares at Tobi*) -PUPPETS! TOBI MEANS PUPPETS!!! (*Sasori stops glaring*) Can he read Tobi's mind?( *Sasori glares back at Tobi again*) GOMENASAI! FORGET WHAT TOBI SAID!(*Sasori stops glaring*) Tobi sweatdropped.

Deidara scowled. " Your the one who is wrong Sasori-danna un, art is supposed to be a blast. Instead of looking on some shitty statues withering away in a slow process it's better to cause it right away to make it unforgettable un! Art is after all a bang!" Deidara exclaimed, Sasori rolled his eyes.

"Please, what kind of a idiotic low life form would ever like your poor excuse called art?"

"Tobi likes it! Tobi likes your weird looking art Deidara-sempai! Tobi don’t even care that you're rip-off(1)!

"I rest my case" Sasori smirked at Deidara with his arms crossed in victory. Deidara fumed in anger.

"TOBI I SWEAR ONE OF THIS DAYS IM GONNA BLOW YOU TO BITS UN!"

" Geez, why do you have to PMS every freaking meeting you fucking she-male"

The one with the rude comment was Hidan-san, one of Pein's assassin, weapon expert and a faithful Jashinist. He got silver *cough* white *cough* hair and pink eyes. He got a real potty mouth, he probably got to wash it a lot after all those naughty words he uses. The only things Tobi knows about him is that he love violence and argue with Kakuzu-san all the time. It's times where he actually tries to sacrifice Tobi to Jashin. To put it this way, he scares Tobi...ALOT

" Your the one to talk dick-head! Don’t tell me you never get annoyed by Tobi's childish nonsense un" Deidara sneered.

" Shut up both of you, your giving me a headache. If your gonna talk about something important, let it be money" Kakuzu rudely interrupted.

Kakuzu-san, Pein’s private economic/ assassin and has a side job as a bounty hunter. Kakuzu-san wears a strange mask that cowers his entire face except for his mysteriously glowing gooey green eyes. Everything he can think about is MONEY, MONEY, MONEY, what's best, cash or credit? THEN AGAIN MONEY.

"Tsk, god damn money-whore" Hidan grumbled.

"Leader-ssssama let usss continue the meeting sssshall we?" a pale man hissed.

The last member is a creepy snake looking guy called Orochimaru, he is…-why does he work for Pein-sama again? Tobi heard from Itachi-san that he touches little boys, maybe he also is some kind of doctor perhaps, for what else reason would he do that.

" Yes, of course Orochimaru. The dealings in Sound is good as I expect, correct?"

"It couldn't been any better" Orochimaru smirked.

A lightning stroked outside the window, and suddenly every light in the living room disappeared, "Holy Shit! Who turned off the mother fucking lights!" Hidan yelled.

More thunder was heard from the outside, soon followed by the sound of something heavy falling onto the floor and along with a high pitched scream.

"Konan stop screaming already" Pein ordered.

"It’s not me that is screaming Pein-sama" Konan claimed in a calm voice.

"Then who the hell is it?"- Kakuzu asked confused.

The light flahed back on and everyone stared at Deidara who stopped screaming, noticing everybody was looking at him with wide eyes.

"Hehe now we got an other reason to doubt your gender, Deidara-chan" Kisame teased with a toothy grin.

"Shut up fish stick un! Or I’ll make a god damn sushi out of you!" Deidara threatened with a raised fist, trying to punch Kisame in the face, but Sasori held him back by the neck of his jacket . The fight was soon interrupted by another scream, by a real female this time.

"AAAAAHHHH!!!Oh my God!" (2) Konan screamed terrified.

"Yes? what is it?" Pein anwered smootly.

"Someone killed Orochimaru!"- Konan pointed at the newly murdered body of Orochimaru, lying in the pool of his own blood on the floor.

"WHAT! That bastard! I wanted to kill him-" Hidan took out a hidden knife from his jacket and threw it frustrated in the wall. Among strangers that behavior might have frightened them, but for the rest of us…naaahh.

Everyone turned their attention from Hidan back at Pein, "This is truly shocking, but we all know there is only one thing to do..."

Pein reached out and leaded his hand under the table and pushed a hidden button beneath it. Suddenly a disco bowl appeared out of nowhere and it stared to play the disco song,” Freak out" with every member dancing. Tobi sweatdropped, When did Pein-sama install a hidden disco bowl?

The music stopped, and the disco bowl mysteriously disappeared at the same time. Everybody were silent and want back to their last position, pretending the incident never happened. Pein sat back in his comfortable chair, "I have been waiting long to use that button. Ok, back to business let’s -"

"Wait! Tobi can’t just simply ignore a crime like this! It’s not justice to let a case like this pass by!"

"When did justice have something importance among a group consisting of S-class criminals?" Sasori asked puzzled.

"Since Tobi got this cool detective hat!” Tobi said putting on a awesome Sherlock Holmes hat that Tobi bought on e-bay.

"Good for you Tobi.” Pein said sarcastically.” Guys lets go back to business"

"NO! TOBI WILL FIND THE MURDER OF OROCHIMARU! IF NOT, TOBI WONT EVER EAT A SINGLE LOLLIPOP AGAIN DATTEBAYO!" -Inner Tobi: Nooo What have Tobi done! Tobi cant live without candy! Now Tobi must really find his murder or Tobi’s gonna die of sugar- starvation pretty soon!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Somewhere else at the same time, but not the same place.

Naruto sneezed," ACHOOO! My dattebayo-feeling is tingling! Someone’s using my catchphrase!" he yelled angry

Back to what is really important( and anime doesn't count!)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

BAKA! LISTEN TO LEADER SAMA OR YOU'LL FUCKING GET A DEATH PENALTY BY SUFFOCATION UN- Deidara snapped with a animevein on the back of his head.

"TOBI REFUSE TO BACK DOWN! NOW TOBI IS MORE DETERMINED THEN EVER!" Tobi said drooling at the thought of all the candy back home.

"Tobi, is this really necessary? No one is gonna really miss that creep anyway. I still don’t understand why I haven’t even fired him yet. " Pein stated in annoyance over Tobi’s childishness. “why does he do here again?” Pein thought.

"Leader-sama, Tobi got to do this or Tobi wont ever get to taste a lollipop again! Tobi also gives you a pinky promise he wont ever bother you on your meeting ever again!" Tobi promised holding out his pinky. Pein-sama kept quite until he sighted out loud, and entangled his pinky with Tobi’s.

"Very well, I Pein-sama hereby gives you the permeation to investigate the murder of Orochimaru."

" YATTA!!!" Tobi squealed, jumping up and down in joy

" Are you sure this is the best thing to do?" Konan asked Pein doubtfully in a low voice. "Who would ever let a grown man with a with the brain capacity of a sugar high five year old to solve a murder" Konan thought skeptical.

"Trust me Konan, I think I'm already too far a head to become more insane then I already am"

Konan gazed over at Tobi again who continued to jump everywhere while the other members watched him with either annoyance or amusement, mostly annoyance. She sweatdropped, "Point taken, sir".

"Tobi better get started, Itachi-kun please tell Tobi about the victims cause of death" Tobi ordered in a professional voice with a detective hat on his head.

"Hn"- Itachi ....hnned?

Itachi took on some doctor gloves from his bag and studied the back of Orochimaru's head.

"The creepy gay obviously pedophile victim died by a fracture in the cranial , by putting too much pressure on the brain and expanding the brain capacity. Bleeding to death momentarily through the brain" Itachi explained in a bored tone.

"Wait- ehh what?"- Tobi asked confused while leafing frantically in a dictionary , the rest with looking at him as he was the proven reincarnation of Einstein.

"He died on the second when something hit him in the head" Itachi said frankly.

"Ohhh"-Everyone said in unison.

"It was obviously caused by a hard blow to the head with a sharp or hard object, I will say out from the shape of it a hammer.-Itachi mused.

"What about this one ?"- Tobi suggested holding up a bloody candlestick in one hand.

"Yeah...That could work"- Itachi and the rest sweatdropped.

"Baka what kind of detective are you, holding the murder weapon like that un!"- Deidara scolded, but Tobi just ignored the comment.

"What, really? That sucker died of something so lame? I have "accidentally" stabbed that bastard thousand times and he couldn’t survive a light blow to the head. What a freaking disappointment- Hidan complained.

"You can say that again"- Kisame whistled.

"Zetsu, can you remove that filthy thing away from my carpet, the blood is trenching threw it" Pein commanded, with disgust clear in his voice as well as his eyes.

"Hai Leader-sama, but I'm not eating that thing, who knows where it has been"- Zetsu took a grip around it's arm and dragged Orochimaru's lifeless body out off the living room. One the way out causing Orochimaru’s head to hit right into the wall in the process, making a loud cracking sound with the head rolling onto the floor with it’s serpent tongue sticking out of his mouth. Everyone flinced at the disturbing sound as well as the sight of the head. Zetsu whispered a low sorry, before leaving the room again with Orochimaru’s head in his arms.

"What are you gonna do first Tobi? Konan asked.

"I'm gonna do what every good detective do, looking for clues "Tobi took out a magnifying glass and started to look for clues *insert Scooby Doo music*

"Where are you supposed to get clue from, we were everybody here and the body is gone. " Sasori spoke.

“WHAT!? NOOO! OROCHIMARU HAS BECOME A ZOMBIE! MAYDAY MAYDAY, WE GOT A ZOMBIE ONE THE LOOSE, I REPEAT HIDE EVERY MAN AND LITTLE BOYS IN THE ROOM!” Tobi screamed petrified, taking cover behind the sofa.

Everybody slapped their foreheads in unison. "What a moron" they muttered under their breath.

"Zombies don’t exist, Tobi" Itachi assured Tobi.

Tobi pocked his head up from his secret hiding place behind the sofa-"They don't?"

"Yeah, if they did Hidan and Kakuzu would have been a living proof of it."(3) Kisame snickered.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY YOU FISHY BASTARD!" Hidan yelled.

"Shut up with your idiotic barking, Hidan. No one's want to hear your constant bitching" Kakuzu glared.

"Go and suck dick, Kakuzu! or rather your mothers!".

"Don’t you dare bringing my mother into this!"

" Well you know what Kakuzu, your mama is so fat that-"

"QUITE!" Pein roared.

"Hai, Leader-sama" Hidan and Kakuzu muttered, like two naughty children getting scolded by their father.

"Tobi, please continue whatever...you are doing so we can get this mystery over with-I can already feel a head-ach coming" Pein sighted, Konan patted him sympathetic on the shoulder.

" Arigatou Leader-sama, We already know what killed Orochimaru, but the problem is that everyone of YOU where here at the same time" Tobi pointed out.

" No shit Sherlock" Hidan snorted. Tobi just ignored the comment like the good boy he is.

"Therefore I need to investigate the murder weapon! "Tobi reached out for the murder weapon and studied the size of the visible handprint casually," AH HA! Tobi has found a clue!" Everybody stared doubtly at him and waited for the answer, with the suspense growing, and growing... and growing.

"Dammit Tobi just tell us already" Sasori huffed impatiently, he was never a patient man...

" The murder is....."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Defiantly not Konan-chan!"

Everybody except for Pein, Konan, Itachi and Sasori fell animestyle, cause they are too "cool".

" The handprint is too big to be a female, especially considering Konan’s delicate fingers" Tobi winked at Konan through the visible hole in his mask.

"You mean you waited with the suspense just to tell us you got one less suspect" Kisame asked frustrated.

"This is ridiculous, there's no way Konan could ever kill a man anyway, less a thing like Orochim-- AHHH PAPERCUT!" Hidan screamed in pain as blood started to stream down his arm. Just say Tobi didn't warn him, Konan-chan is scary when she’s angry.

"Do you mind repeating yourself mister Hidan" Konan asked with a dark suffocating aura oozing from her body.

"N-no mam, nothing at all" Hidan whimpered in fear( and mostly agony)

" Then since we have one suspect less on the list, Tobi will have to interrogate everyone here. The first one will be- Deidara-sempai!"

Scene switch, Deidara's interrogation- Plan 1 Good cop

Deidara sat in a dark empty room, suddenly a flashlight hit him right in the eyes.

"My eyes!"

" Hello Sempai, how's it going?"

" What do you think you baka, you just blinded me with your stupid flashlight un!"

"...Do you want something, coffee or cigarettes?"

"???"

"Tobi is your best friend sempai. Tobi would never betray our friendship, so you can tell your deepest secret to Tobi, they are safe with him"

"I didn’t kill Orochimaru despite how much it wished it was me, but some lucky bastard got to him before"

"....So the good cop routine didn't work?"

"NOO UN!!!"

Kisame's interrogation Plan 2- bad cop

" You killed Orochimaru didn't you! you son of a muffin!(3)"

" What???"

" You couldn't handle working with that sly creep any longer and decided to kill him!"

" I didn't kill him, my last assassination failed and I haven't tried since"

".... when was that?"

"48 hours ago"

Kakuzu’s interrogation - Plan 3- bribery

"Kakuzu-san, if Tobi will pay you a really good price for a piece of information"

Kakuzu raied a eyebrow, "How much are we talking about?"

Tobi whispered it in his ear. Kakuzu nodded pleased with the price.

"Deal, give it to me and I tell you who the guilty is" Tobi handed him a bunch with money and Kakuzu counted them before putting it away inside his jacket. "It was not me for sure"

"NANI! TOBI GAVE YOU ALL THAT CASH FOR NOTHING!"

" Hey, I didn't say it was useful did I"

Pein's interrogation- plan 4...?

"Tobi, why am I here?"

"Because Leader-sama you might be the murder and Tobi wont go easy on you just because your Tobi's boss"

"Let me out or you will finally experience the reason behind my name"

"Tobi understand!”


Itachi's investigation

" What did you have against Orochimaru?"

" He was a very, very sick man with disgusting intentions"

"What kind of intentions, Itachi-kun?"

" He had taken a slightly unhealthy interest in my younger brother Sasuke much to my concern"

"So that was reason enough to kill him in coldblod?"

" If I could traveled back in time I might said yes, but I admit I haven't been able to kill him. If I did, I would have starved him in a dungeon until his body was to weak to resist. Hammering him into a wall, never stabbing him in his vital organs, torturing him by any possible way for days, week, months even years . Ripping him off, limb by limb and finally burry him alive while he takes his finale breath, enduring the pain I have inflicted on him. Wishing he never crossed the path of Uchiha Itachi. "

Okay this was getting to disturbing for Tobi's liking.

Light's on!, wait lights on?

" Tobi, why are you interrogating them in a empty closet?" Konan asked, standing outside the closet door.

"I have my reasons!" Tobi insisted.

"Have you find out anything so I can already kick you guys out of my house" Pein grumbled tierdly.

" Tobi is sorry Leader-sama but Tobi haven't found any clues yet"

Thunder was heard outside the house and once again the lights dissapeared that night.

" What the hell is the problem with these fucking lights!?" Hidan groaned.

Suddenly a weird noise came outside the living room door, before it was broken up by a hockey- masked man dressed with a white apron drenched with many blood spots wielding a chainsaw." Holy shit!!!" Everybody screamed, yeah even the "cool" gang for your information.

The lights went back on, and the man took off his mask. The hockey masked man was....

"ZETSU!!!"

" I have gotten rid of the body as you ordered, Leader-sama"

" Well done Zetsu, but what you exactly did you do with it?"

Zetsu opened his mouth to answer but was cut off by the rest of them screaming, "WE DON’T WANNA KNOW!"

"Leader-sama, we also found something inside the mouth of the body", Zetsu brought his hand inside his pocket, and held around something small, he opened it and in the bottom of his palm lay a piece of melted candy. Tobi studied it intense and finally something in his head clicked. Tobi brought up his hands and held his head. Tobi remembered what had happened. "Tobi knows who killed Orochimaru!"

"Stop fooling around, that’s what you have said all night" Kakuzu grunted.

"But it's true! listen!"

Tobi's flashback

Tobi stood by the entrance and welcomed every guest before the meeting, Tobi stared at the sky listening to the thunder above. The meeting is gonna probably be so boring, good Tobi took with some candy he thought happily and took out a piece of candy from his pocket. After Sasori passed by Orochimaru came in sight.

"Hello Tobi, just as charming asss alwaysss" Orochimaru smirked deviously, he grasped the candy paper and took a piece of candy before he gave Tobi a creepy smirk. Tobi was confused by his behavior, but that man was just plain weird. That’s what Itachi-kun had told me. Tobi didn’t think more about the matter and put his hand into the other pocket for a new piece. Nothing, not a single one.

It was the last candy Tobi had left, Tobi turned his head and glared into the back of Orochimaru's head. "THAT guy must DIE" a voice whispered inside Tobi’s head. Tobi couldn’t help but agree, it was time for revenge.

When the lights turned off due to the lightning Tobi took some action and held around the candlestick and hit it violently into Orochimaru's head. Orochimaru's body fell to the floor with blood starting to stream out from his skull. Tobi placed the murder weapon back on top of the fireplace and started to panic like everyone else until the lights returned.

Flashback over

“You mean it was you the whole time!?" Pein greeted his teeth in anger, Tobi could swear he saw damp coming out his ears.

"Tobi didn't know! I swear!” Tobi swayed his hands up in front of him innocently.

" You can't possible forget that you murdered someone for a single piece of candy". Everyone took out a hidden weapon from inside their jackets, with sadistic smiles on their faces along with fiery demonic glint in their eyes.

"W-what are you doing! Tobi is sorry!"

" Sorry isn't enough Tobi, this is your punishment for killing him before us"

“NOOO, KYAAA!!!!” Tobi screamed in horror before everything suddenly turned black.

The last thing Tobi could remember from that night was getting hit really hard in the head after screaming like a girl. The next Tobi knows , Tobi was lying in a white coloured room with a reeeeaallly tight jacket on, the arms is so long can't see them since they are behind his back. This place wasn't so bad though, there were a lot of nice people in here. One my stay here I have also gotten to know a guy here. His name is Madara, he can be really mean but still fun to play with. Well the investigation of Orochimaru's murder might not end as Tobi had planned, but it was the most funniest meeting so far. Wait a minute-

Tobi never got any candy!

So what, was it good or did it suck? I'm not so pleased with the ending but it will do, now atleast. It was a real challange trying to write it from Tobi's point of view, it got really confusing but I couldn't help it.

1- The omake where Tobi comment Deidara's art at the dango shop xD I love that episode, who am I kidding I love eveything with Dei-chan and Tobi-kun^^
2- refrence to Pein considering himself as a new God.
3- "The zombie brother" as Kisame-kun puts them.
4- Every curse word Tobi uses is cencored, Tobi can't cuss he is after all a good boy!

I hope you enjoyed reading it and please review^^Constructive critism is also welcome, even though this is a crack-fic.

Ja-ne!

~Konan-chan~