Admiration

Disclaimer: Don’t own… anything… or anyone…

Author’s Notes: destroys chapter 181 of Naruto Sakura, why?! Why’d you have to push me over the edge? I was hoping your development would’ve continued, but you… sort of went back to the way you were before. ;; Well, I won’t let you go back down without a fight! And here, my friends, is an attempt at explaining Sakura’s feelings for Sasuke, and how… they aren’t those kind of feelings. cackles This could be implied shoujo ai… but that depends on how you view this fic. XX;

Summary: Sakura and Ino have a… slightly different conversation after their fight.

Admiration

Written by Ayako

I threw away a perfectly good friendship to pursue him.

I could’ve been content with being second to Ino in everything, and as usual, she would comfort me, giving me words that would make me feel better, more confident with myself.

But like she said, eventually I could surpass her, and around her, I didn’t feel as if I could.

I wanted something that was my own, something that could be ultimately mine, something Ino could never get first, something that I won and she would envy.

I never noticed him until one day that by chance, I caught sight of the training area set for the boys. He had a grace about him that seemed ethereal, he was amazing with his speed and accuracy, and as expected of a true ninja, whatever he was feeling, he didn’t show. He wasn’t handsome; he was pretty rather than handsome. If it were not for the clothes he wore, the lack of accessories, and his hairstyle, you’d think he was a girl.

I felt drawn to him like an insect to a lantern.

He was, he was just so… wow.

It was a surprise that he was popular, and it would mean that I would have a lot of competition.

I was angry when I found out Ino had feelings for him as well. Couldn’t she let me have anything, my own? I had to get away from her; I had to know myself, be myself. In the beginning, I would’ve never been able to begin to look for myself. I always ran away from the people that picked on me when as ninjas, we were supposed to be able to fend for ourselves, even as children.

I moved on, I gave her back the ribbon that was a symbol of our friendship. She accepted the fact that we were now rivals, and that we weren’t friends anymore.

Time passed by, and we arrived to the point where we could become Chuunin.

To think it was a few months, or maybe longer since I joined Team Seven with him, Naruto, and Kakashi-sensei.

I would be able to prove to everyone that I wasn’t the girl that was laughed at because of her forehead, or the girl that followed Ino around… I was Haruno Sakura, a female Genin.

Ino didn’t seem to be fighting too seriously and I wasn’t either. I expected her to make the first move, that she planned to take advantage of the situation that she was fighting against her rival, that she would be able to steal the spotlight for herself.

I wanted her to fight me, I wanted her to fight me so much that she would try to kill me. I wanted to know Ino’s true strength, I wanted to know how long, how hard it would be to surpass her when I had admired her for so long.

My words seemed to make her angry, and I was satisfied. But…

She didn’t seem as mad as she could’ve been. Her fighting was still half hearted, her punches weak, her kicks even weaker.

What was wrong? I thought she would be scratching my eyes out at my challenge.

… I understood.

Sasuke, I just used Sasuke as a challenge in the match. In this match, we were Genin, we were not women fighting for the chance to win a prize, that prize being Sasuke, we were fighting to get to the top, to get stronger, to become Chuunin.

When I awoke, I was disappointed. I tried, and I still couldn’t beat Ino.

“Hey…”

I turned to the direction of the voice, and finally noticed that Ino was leaning against the wall right next to me. “I… lost…?” I croaked.

“You put up a good fight, but it would be a few years too early for you to beat me…” Ino laughed.

What was I to do now? When would I ever have a chance to compete against Ino again if she were to become Chuunin?

“We both won… You’ve really become a beautiful flower, Sakura. You’ve finally begun to bloom.”

Why was she being so nice? She even helped me with my hair, and there was a sort of code that girls had to be friends to fiddle with their hair. I had to remind her constantly that we were rivals, not friends, but…

“Ino. Why?”

There was a dead silence, even in the auditorium filled with the sounds of battle.

“Sakura… I never really liked Sasuke,” Ino said, looking away from me, and at her feet.

“W-what? But… they said so…”

I was at a loss. What was going on? My plans… the conclusions I reached… were all wrong?

Ino sighed, running her fingers in her now short ponytail. “I told them to spread it… It’s just that… I didn’t want to lose you.”

“Lose me…? Don’t you mean lose to me?”

Ino gave me a look that meant one thing, and she said it. “Are you crazy? I’m not afraid of losing to you… I never even considered you a rival.”

She was pushing it too far. “Ino…” I growled, and balled my hands into fists, even though I didn’t have the strength to use them.

“Sakura, calm down… You’ve had a big temper since you declared we were rivals… Listen up. I’ve never liked Sasuke… It’s just… all right… Why do you think I came up to you that day we first met?”

I didn’t feel as smart as I usually did. I couldn’t think of a reason. Why did Ino come up to me that day? There could only be one reason. “You took pity on me…”

Ino snorted and pat me on the head. “Well, that’s one part of it. I also wanted to be your friend. We were friends, right?”

“Yes, but… I felt that I was just there to make you seem even… bigger. I never felt that I could live up to the expectations of how well people thought I would do because I was your friend.”

Ino shrugged. “You could’ve tried harder, but they never expected you to be as good as I was. I mean… look at me,” she used her hand to exemplify, “who could?”

If anything, I knew Ino couldn’t stay modest.

“Sakura… I never wanted to stop being your friend. It was you that stopped our friendship. You were the one that decided a guy was more important than us.”

No, that wasn’t true! I… I just wanted Ino to finally acknowledge me, to know I wasn’t going to stand by and let her take all the glory out of everyone!

But… I did do that… I left her just to pursue Sasuke.

“I don’t really see why you like him… Sure, he’s pretty… but he doesn’t seem interested in anyone or anything. The only time I’ve seen him somewhat happy was when he was beating his opponent around. And come on Sakura, have you ever had a normal conversation with the guy?”

It was hard to answer. “Well… sort of, once! He mentioned something about loneliness… but…”

“You’re annoying.”

I frowned. What reasons did I really have for liking Sasuke?

“Sakura… all the girls have the same reasons for liking him. They all find him amazing because he’s the number one rookie, because everyone else likes him, and they want to be like him. Eventually more and more people wanted to know him… You were the same.” Ino was starting to look a bit down at the turn of the conversation focusing on Sasuke.

“That’s not true! I… I like him for better reasons than that!” I knew I didn’t sound too convincing, and the sound of my voice dropped with every word.

“… There’s a difference between admiration and love, Sakura. I know, because I could tell that you were drawn to me too.”

I felt drawn to him like an insect to a lantern,

Because the light is so bright,

Because the light is so beautiful,

Because I know that if I’m near it,

I’ll feel warm everywhere.

OWARI