No Reply

A/N: Eh... I'll admit that I don't usually like reading songfics very much. I have given many of them a chance and have almost always been disappointed. I think the lyrics generally break up the flow of the story which kind of bothers me in some weird way. I also find that if the song is not one hundred percent meaningful to the story it takes away from the work as a whole. If I read the lyrics and if they really bring meaning to the story, though, I happen to like songfics a lot. I think I have found the perfect song to fit the mood of this story. Every time I hear this song I want to cry.. The name is "No Reply" and it is by the Seatbelts. It is from Cowboy Bebop. I suggest you all download it if you like poignant and meaningful songs. I just hope I managed to justice to both the song and the story here (

And by the way, I promise that after this I will go back to working on the sequal to Underestimation. If you all must know, I already have about a quarter of the first one shot (the Haku arc) written out on paper, so you may get it as early as next week. Anyway, I hope you like my fic. Please read and review either way ) Reviews encourage the writing process! ;)

Warnings: Mild references to shonen ai. It could be read as a friendship/rivalry thing though for those of you who chose to read it that way. Massive spoilers for the manga from like chapter 174 on.

Disclaimer: As I'm sure you could have all guessed, Naruto's not mine, nor are any of the characters found therein. The song, again, is No Reply by the Seatbelts. Since I am not the Seatbelts, the song is not mine either!

No Reply
 by Ailetoile

Like the perfect ending

It won't be too long

Till everything I've ruined has seen me gone

In time, I pray you'll forgive

Now you know the man I am

Can you forgive me?

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Slumped. Shaken. Beaten down by...

What the hell was wrong with him? He'd almost gotten himself killed. Had their sensei not stepped in when he did, he WOULD have killed or been killed. No... He could not have killed his opponent. His rival would have killed him.. He would have died. That much was obvious upon seeing the aftermath of their aborted battle. He would have been gone. Dead.

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I fall

Like the sands of time

Like some broken rhyme

At feet no longer there

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Numbness... Darkness... The very idea of the absence of life seemed so precious. So welcoming. Perhaps that had driven his need for a fight. For this fight. Never in his life had he welcomed the prospect of death as he did now. Always in the past he had stood up from the blows that had been dealt to him. He had gotten up and gone on and damn the odds to hell. Without fail he had kept his face and heart clean of emotion. Void of anything but a passion for revenge. His focus had been unwavering. He knew what he had to do and he had worked towards that goal with everything he had.

Perhaps it was his tattered pride, his newly shattered ambitions, his twisted dreams which prompted the desire to fight the other boy. Perhaps it was the shock that had settled comfortably on his shoulders as a result of the recent... Developments... Perhaps it was the seal on his neck which marked him as cursed. Owned. He certainly had not been himself since he became property. His actions, his very thoughts seemed distant... He was more emotional than he would have allowed himself to be otherwise. More evil. But not him. Not him...

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If only I could call the rain to melt and wash away the pain you feel

I would

You gave yourself to me and showed me what the truth could be

For that, I say thank you

This was my life

It never made much sense to me

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Triggering a fight... A battle which would not end until death halted it... Provoking the other boy to share the hatred that already blinded him. Driving them both to murderous intentions... Was he suicidal? He could not feel that mark on his neck any more than he could feel the burning hatred that had fueled his very purpose for being until... Until..

It hurt. Oh God did it hurt, but he never let it show. Never let the pain that defined his existence show... Until today. Until he lost control of himself, lost track of his purpose in life, and challenged his rival. What had he been trying to do? To prove?

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With every lie that I lived

Part of me would fade

Into this empty shadow I've become

And now I feel so numb

I no longer know myself

But I still know you

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Or was he wrong? Was the goal he had lived for, the destiny he had driven himself to achieve wrong? Had he been wrong all along? The only moments of clarity... The only moments in which seemed to be himself any longer since the second test of the Chuunin exams all centered around that boy. Around his rival.

Deep down he was not an evil person. Deep down all he wanted was justice, revenge, and then nothing else mattered. Nothing... Deep down he knew that his sensei had the right of it. The new... Awareness... Which often welled up inside him filled his mind with bubbled laughter at the thought. Did that laughter originate from the seal? It was as though a demon had taken up residence within his consciousness and was now taking over, slowly but surely. He was losing himself...

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I call

And there is no reply

Like some phantom cry

On ears too far away

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His teammate was so much stronger than he ever thought he could become. Already, he has grown so much from the idiot that he graduated with... His rival had... Surpassed him. The admission did not come easily. And yet... Despite everything that had happened... He would not acknowledge that growth. It was all that the boy, his companion, his teammate, his friend wanted, it was all he wanted to DO, and yet... He could not bring himself to acknowledge... He would not! The power to become better, to once again pull ahead lay at his fingertips. Embedded in a seal on his neck. No acknowledgement was necessary. Not yet...

Maybe his sensei had been correct. Maybe he had the right of it, but the man did not live HIS life. He had to follow his own path and chose his own destiny. Perhaps someday some good would come of his decision. Of his betrayal.

The confrontation with the enemy was not unexpected, nor was the proposition they delivered. He knew it for what it was: a summons from his new master. If he ignored this call, another would follow. And another. And another until he gave in at last. Until he followed the path of power. Until he took up the mantle his brother had left for him and completed his purpose in life.

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I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by

The only thing I see is you

For all the times you walked the line for me and standing by my side

I say thank you

Here lies my life

It never felt that real to me

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A picture, lying in its cracked and broken frame on the floor and a heart full of memories. The only things of any worth that he left behind as he packed.

He left behind everything he valued that night.

He had almost been able to resist the lure of power. Almost allowed this chapter of his life to extend indefinitely. In another life he could have been happy here, like this, forever. In another life, he could have listened to his heart.

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You'll always mean so much to me

And there's no reply

And there's no reply

You'll never know how much you meant to me

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How many lives would be destroyed this night? He couldn't think. Couldn't let himself think. An avenger could not be held responsible for his actions. He had his own path to walk. His own battles to fight. He could never be like them, like his teammates. His friends... Their futures were so bright...

He felt dead inside. None of this seemed real... But of course it was not real. By leaving, he had thrown the only reality that could ever exist to the wind along with common sense, caution and virtue. He had thrown away all that defined him.

All he had left now were doubtful morals, a spirit burning for vengeance of any obtainable sort... And a curse to show him the way.

There could be no other path.

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If only I could call the rain to melt and wash away the pain you feel

I would

You gave yourself to me and showed me what the truth could be

For that, I say thank you

I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by

The only thing I see is you

For all the times you walked the line for me and standing by my side

I say thank you

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There weren't supposed to be any goodbyes. A clean cut was best for all. She wasn't supposed to be there. Not her.

She was not the one that he saw every time he closed his eyes. Not the one his heart ached to find peace and closure with...

She has been closer than she knew. Her words had not fallen on deaf ears. The curse had not yet eaten away at all of his feelings. Had she been another... Had she been another... If she had been that annoying, loudmouthed idiot, that piece of sunshine -

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Here lies my life

It never felt real to me

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-Perhaps he might have reconsidered. Perhaps he would have let the words touch his heart and wash away the black hatred and the cursed taint. Perhaps he might have stayed...

Until the next time the promise of cursed power beckoned, burned its way into his conscious thoughts and ate away at his will until he complied. Until he gave in and obeyed his new master's summons.

It was better this way.

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You in my life

It all meant so much more to be

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Her presence strengthened his resolve. She would never know what he meant by his cryptic thanks, but that was fine. She had served her purpose in guiding him towards the correct path and he would always remember her for that. Thank you...

They would wake up in the morning to find him gone, never to return... Would they miss him? Sakura would cry, but would Naruto? Or would the blonde simply grow to hate him for his treachery? It was better this way...