Author: Thorn the Fastidious Cyborg
Apricots and Avocados
Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto!
A/N: To Biscuit, fellow SuiSasu fan, best crack author I’ve ever had the good fortune to read, and She Who Inspires and is Inspired By Me. Hope you like it!
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“I love you.”
“Hmm. I know.”
“More than anything in the world, Sasuke, I love you.”
“I know.”
Suigetsu looked through the fire and into his eyes. “Really? Do you know what that means? I love you more than strawberry flavored water and being able to sleep for twelve hours straight. I love you more than sunsets over the sea and moonrises over the mountains. I love you more than the thought of mauling Orochimaru and being able to argue with Karin.”
The darkness of the woods around them was woven like a thick shawl of comfort. The fire coiled and hissed softly in the hearth they’d cleared for it. Above them the canopy was dense with sleeping leaves, but they knew that above that the opaque sky would be studded with embers of opal and peridot. Juugo and Karin had gone scavenging earlier that evening; they were yet to return. Sasuke sat criss cross on one side o the flames, Suigetsu crouched on his haunches on the other side.
Tonight everything was sinister. Tonight even the breeze had malice in it. Tonight the Uchiha’s heart was in a turmoil because tomorrow they would bear down on Konoha and take the kyuubi carrier.
Suigetsu knew Sasuke better than either of them wanted to admit. He saw through the indifferent Noh mask, he saw the lost soul Sasuke had become since his brother’s demise. Thus far the water ninja hadn’t attempted to broach the subject. He was afraid it would lead to tears, and he wasn’t sure he knew how to handle a weak and sniveling Sasuke. He much preferred the strong silent version of battle, or the soft smiling version of private.
A Sasuke in tears did not bode well for Suigetsu’s peace of mind.
But of late his options had been narrowing down. Sasuke had grown more taciturn and sullen with each passing day, ever since Tobi-Madara had sent them out to secure the nine-tails jinchuuriki. Suigetsu knew Sasuke had had a relationship with the boy and he was fairly sure it had been only friendship. It had to be just friendship. The thought of it being anything more made Suigetsu want to kill the blond and use his innards in a pie.
This was all irrelevant.
What mattered was that Sasuke was upset. And Suigetsu supposed it fell to him to set him right. So that was what he was doing now. He had to let his lover know that no matter what kind of hell lay in wait at dawn he wouldn’t have to go through it without Suigetsu’s devil-may-care-but-I-don’t-give-a-flying-fuck company.
Juugo and Karin were just extras. They weren’t going to make Sasuke laugh anytime soon, unless Karin blew herself up. Suigetsu mulled over that a bit. Blowing up Karin—feasible? Nah, Sasuke would just scold him for random murder.
Damn morals always ruined Suigetsu’s fun. Not just in fights, either—Sasuke refused to be touched below the waist until they were eighteen. As if it mattered how old they were when half the shinobi world wanted them dead.
“I know,” Sasuke said finally. He was staring into the fire, but he could feel Suigetsu’s eyes on him. “I know how much you love me. I love you just as much.”
Suigetsu said, “Good,” and got the impression that he’d just missed a crucial moment to deliver some sort of grand dialogue.
“Hn.”
The sounds of the forest were too loud. The howl of monkies screeched in Suigetsu’s ears, the whine of cicadas razed his nerves. If only the world would go quiet for a bit, he would be able to find words to alleviate whatever Sasuke was feeling. As it were, he couldn’t even will himself to take the boy into his arms.
Naturally, he blundered.
“Don’t worry about tomorrow. That kid’s not your friend anymore. You left him, remember?”
Onyx eyes narrowed with the sharp sting of memories. Left was a pretty mild term for what he’d done. Heartlessly abandoned hit closer to the mark. At the time he’d been proud of having the strength to hurt a nakama, a friend who was also a brother. Now it made him want to dive into a murky pond and hide in its depths from his own disapproval.
Suigetsu tried again. “You don’t have to do anything if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Juugo and Karin and I’ll take care of it.”
Wrong again. Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut. Suigetsu could’ve kicked himself. Stupid, stupid. Suggesting Sasuke wasn’t strong enough to take out an enemy. Suggesting that all the ordeals he’d gone through had only served to weaken his resolve.
“And in any case—”
“Suigetsu, shut up.”
The words drove into the fair haired male’s heart like a stake, knocking the wind out of his sentence. It wasn’t like he’d never heard that before. But it had never sounded so genuine, or wounded, especially not from Sasuke. Suigetsu got up clumsily and wobbled around the fire to put his arm around the ivory skinned beauty.
“I’m…”
Sasuke sighed deeply. “Sorry. Just…let it go. Go to bed.”
“Food?”
“If Juugo and Karin aren’t here yet, they must’ve found a town and stopped over. We’ll look for them tomorrow. Go to bed.”
“And leave you to brood?”
“You don’t trust me to be alone in the dark?”
“Come sleep with me.”
Sasuke pulled the other boy close to his heart and lay back on the abre ground. “Okay?” he asked Suigetsu’s hair.
“No. I mean, sleep with me.”
“I’ve told you before—”
“Yeah, well, I don’t care,” the water lover flared up. He half rose from Sasuke’s chest to glare at him. “I don’t care,” he insisted, “Tomorrow we’re going to do something stupid and insane and painful. You can’t guarantee that both of us will make it out alive. I don’t want to die without…ever…I’m not like you, Sasuke, I can’t use words to tell you how much you mean to me. Ad if I died without you ever knowing what you are in my world, I’d never be able to live with myself.”
Sasuke pushed him away properly and sat up. “I have to capture my best friend tomorrow, and send him to his death,” he said evenly, “And you want me to have sex with you tonight?”
“Don’t say it like its something disgusting,” Suigetsu snapped, “Do you know what day it is, Sasuke? It’s New Year’s Eve. You’re going to start next year with murder, why not end this one with something pure?”
“Sex is pure?” the Uchiha said disbelievingly, “Listen to yourself. You sound like a lovelorn little girl pumped up on romance novels.”
“Who made me lovelorn?” Suigetsu challenged, “Forget it. But Sasuke, why isn’t sex pure? How do you know what it is? Its all I can do to show you how much I love you!”
“I know how much you love me!”
“No you don’t!” Suigetsu was frustratingly close to tears, and hated himself for it. “Sasuke, you don’t. Please. Let me show you. It’s nothing to be ashamed of and I won’t let you tell me anything else. I want you, you want me.”
“I’m not ready,” Sasuke said quietly.
“I am.”
“So, what?” the red eyed shinobi snorted, “You’re going to rape me?”
“Don’t throw that word around,” Suigetsu snarled, “Do you even know what it is to be raped? I do. I’ve watched—I’ve been—I’ve seen—in Orochimaru’s experiments—you don’t—don’t joke about that. You don’t know.”
Matte black eyes flashed angrily at him. “You know what, I’m sick of you acting like I don’t know anything!”
“And I’m sick of you acting like the world is on your shoulders!”
“The future of my clan is, and that, to me, is a world!”
Weird. Now Suigetsu couldn’t hear the sounds of the forest at all. All he could hear was his own breath loud in the winter air, his own blood crashing in his ears.
“The future of your clan?”
Sasuke wanted to eat his words. He averted his eyes, darting them around desperately for something safe to look at.
“The future of your—you need to…?”
“There’s no one else,” the Uchiha’s voice was pleading, breaking, “With my blood. When I die…”
“You want to have kids?”
Sasuke flinched. Suigetsu’s world was rumbling with the knowledge that something had gone horrifically awry. “So what am I, Sasuke? I can’t give birth. Or were you hoping that under my dick I’d be hiding a pussy? What am I going to do when you knock up some bitch and run off to raise your brats? Stick around? For what? You won’t even have sex with me. You want me to stay as your lifelong companion even if I have to share you? Only I’m sorry to say I’m not broad minded enough to be able to live like that. I can’t share. So…so…if I’m just someone you’re with for the sake of passing time, if you’ve been telling me you love me to keep me loyal to your stupid cause—”
“Are you crazy?” Sasuke hissed, “I love—”
“Shut up! How do I know that? Even if its true, how can I trust you? you walked away from your best fried and you were ready to kill your older brother!”
Bad feelings charged the air. Suigetsu and Sasuke were standing now; the latter’s back to the fire. The water ninja couldn’t see his face, but he could imagine how stricken it must look.
“Suigetsu…”
“What?”
“I’m…sorry?”
“That sounds like a question, Uchiha-san.”
The boy sank to his knees. “I don’t know. Am I supposed to be sorry? I don’t…I didn’t mean have sex with a woman, Suigetsu. How could I? but there are other ways…to have a baby of my genes. I’d meant…that I wanted to raise a child…with you. I thought you’d be angry at me for bringing up children when we haven’t even…I love you. I don’t know what else to say.”
Suigetsu didn’t know either. This was a moment of epic stupidity and yet he’d never been more pleased in his life.
“You want to have kids with me? You really thought that far ahead?”
Sasuke nodded numbly. Suigetsu sat down beside him. “Well, damn. Damn. Damn, I’m stupid. And so sorry! I said…sheesh. That was the worst thing I could’ve said, huh? I’m so sorry. God, can you ever forgive me?”
He heard the smile rather than saw it. “I’ll think about it.”
Suigetsu kissed his fingers. “I’m really, really sorry.”
“Quit saying it.”
“I love you.”
“Hmm. I know.”
“More than anything in the world, Sasuke, I love you.”
It didn’t seem possible for the mood to shift so rapidly back to pleasant, but it was Suigetsu and Sasuke, so maybe it made sense.
“I know.”
“Can I show you how much?”
The world held its breath with Suigetsu, waiting on the Uchiha’s answer.
“Yes.”
Deep in the woods, a whippoorwill woke up early to begin its ululating song.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Huh, it’s not very cheerful for a Christmas thing. But…every time I tried to make it funny it fell flat on its face, so I just decided to let the angst monkies do their thing.
Also. I have got to finish a proper lemon for these two one of these days.
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