Heavy Burden

A/N: A present for Anko, like my previous oneshot, this had to come out of my system or I'd burst.

This idea has been dancing inside my twisted mind, and I thought to myself: “What the hell, let's just do it!”. I did it, and now here we are!

Hope you enjoy this little drabble about the relationship between Anko and Kakashi.

Anko: Your're late! My birthday was like CENTURIES AGO?!

Prophet: Sorry!! I promise you'll like it ... hehe ... This one's better than the one I gave Kakashi!

Anko: Hope so!! Humph... Well let's see the thing then!!

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Heavy Burden

Author: prophet320

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That day everything seemed to be wrong, nothing good happened. Maybe this day is not that different from all the other days that I've lived this far...

Birthday...

-sigh-

This word means nothing to me... it only reminds me of lost years, of lost time, of lost life.

I'm 28 and still being tested like if I was a damn genin!

DAMN ELDER CONCIL!! HOW I HATE THEM!!

Once again I tried to be accepted as a genin teacher, Kurenai told me that maybe this year they would accept me, but guess what THEY REJECTED ME. They didn't even bother to read the damn papers in front of them, the moment they saw who I was, they sent my ass back to the Chunin Exams as a proctor.

FUCK THEM! Old farts, sitting on their asses gaining weight and wrinkles, who they think they are to judge me this hard? Haven't I proved my valor enough already?! FUCK THEM!! I DON'T CARE ABOUT THIS ANYMORE!

The only thing I care about right now, is SAKE and DANGO...

That was when I saw him, Mr. Aloof. Mr. “I'm too important to even look to people when they speak to me”, he was sitting at the dango shop with his nose stuck on his stupid porn book. AHHHH HE'S SOOOO ANNOYING!

- Two sake bottles! - I ask eagerly to the man behind the counter. - And all the dango you can get!

Maybe to forget, maybe to drown away, maybe to ease my burden, I drank and ate as much as I could without throwing up in front of anyone. They don't deserve to see that I get affected by stupid mean little people.

I don't know for how long I stayed there, at that dango stand, stuffing my head in alcohol and sugar. The only thing I knew, the only thing I felt that whole time, was my anger boiling inside me, my disgusting self-pity and his gaze burning the back of my neck.

Who the hell does he think he is? Can't they just leave me alone? FUCK THEM, maybe I should do what they expect me to do, at least I'd spare them the worry and uncertainty of my actions. Maybe I should just run off and become a missing-nin like Orochimaru, maybe... But I'm not giving them the satisfaction of seeing that they were right about me all this time, they don't even deserve that! FUCK THEM! FUCK HIM!!

I punched the table, got up wobbling dangerously, payed my bill and shot a scary glare to the silver haired ninja sitting next to me. He looked at me, and what I saw on the back of his eye made me feel strange, for the first time I feared something, I feared what that black eye told me.

I spun on my heels and stormed out the store.

Rain, it was raining outside.

Rain always brought back memories. Good and bad memories, but at least I could remember something!

I feel alive and dead...

Maybe staying in Konoha wasn't my brightest decision, they all hate me.

Everyone that once cared for me is either dead or is a S-class criminal murdering people for his own selfish purposes, maybe he never cared for me but who knows what that snake bastard had in his mind?

The memorial stone, I don't know why but my drenched and wobbling feet brought me here.

I didn't come here for a long time...

The name Mitarashi engraved there, remembers me of what it could have been, what I could have had.

A family...

Love...

A home... not a damn rented mouldy appartment, but a real home, with people waiting for my return and worrying about me.

War took that away from me!

Maybe that's the damn alcohol I took, but my fuzzy mind starts to show me flashes of my scarce memories of them.

My mouth is dry, but when I part my lips I feel something salty streaming down my cheeks.

Salty?!

Rain is not salty ... What?! No way ... It can't be ...

Crying?! I'm crying?! I still have tears to spill?

I don't cry since the day I left that bastard behind...

I'm weak, he was right! I'm too weak to even try to get stronger! FUCK HIM! I don't care about him anymore, he's just a ghost of my past and deserves no tears, no regrets. I should have killed him! But I'm fucking weak!! FUCK ME!!

I fall on my knees punching the soaked ground, punching the annoying stone that bares the name of those that have fallen on the line of duty. The names of my parents appear side by side, not even in death they stayed alone, what have I done to deserve an entire life alone, staring at an empty life and a fucking cold grey stone?

Something warm wrapped around me, something hot burned my skin.

-What happened, happened and there's nothing we can do about it. Now you just have to look forward and not let the past rule your present.

I felt someone hugging me, sheltering me from my ghosts, sheltering me from the cold reality, sheltering me from stupid people, sheltering me from myself. I looked up to see who it was and then shock hit me...

- Kakashi?

My mind spun a thousand miles per hour, I screamed to myself. “What the hell is happening here?”

-What the hell are you doing? Trying to molest me? - I tried to turn and face him, but his grip was too tight. He was holding me like if I was about to fall from a precipice, well, in a twisted kind of way I was. My entire fucking life was a big edgy bottomless precipice!

-I'll tell you something...

- Hnn. - I was too drained to even make a witty remark to him. He spun me, now I was facing his masked face and his caring black eye.

- You speak too much, Anko! - he lowered his mask and kissed me.

At first I resisted him, I didn't understand what was happening. Why Hatake Kakashi, Mr Aloof, Konoha's resident genius, why was he doing this?

But when he bit my lip, ravaging my mouth, I surrendered myself to him.

I delivered myself to him,

I gave myself to his all knowing calloused hands,

I plunged myself into his soft and starving lips,

For the first time in my life I became defenseless.

Not even the cold rain falling on us, not even the thunder that cut the sky, woke us from our world. A place where we were alone, a place where no Orochimaru existed, a place where no Akatsuki ruled, a place where we could stay like this forever.

But then it hit me,

Realization hit me harder, than that thunder.

I can't do this,

WE can't do this,

I can't afford him,

My shattered heart,

My shattered soul,

My cursed body,

Couldn't afford to carry him...

-Stop! - my heart broke, when I broke the embrace, when I broke the kiss.- I can't do this! I just can't. - all my resolution goes down the stream, washed away by the pouring rain, when I saw the look on your exposed face.

- Why, Anko?

The way you whispered my name, the way it traveled through the rain curtain, it made me shiver.

I can't do this and I can't do that!

I can't keep you, because I can't afford to have you.

I can't keep you away from me, because my heart and my body cries for you.

I have to do both, but I can't! I have too chose, DAMN CRUEL WORLD!

WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO MAKE THE HARD CHOICES? WHY?

For the second time in my life, I made a hard choice...

- I can't carry you... - you looked at me, your mismatched eyes burning mine.

You came near me, and once again try to sooth me but I twitch and back away from you.

- Don't Kakashi, we can't... I can't... - I feel once again my warm tears streaming down my cheeks, I can't believe I'm crying again and in front of you.

I was so lost in my inner fight, that I forgot to run away from you, your warm embrace, once again, shielded me from the outside world and that scary look you gave me before, was back in your eyes, begging for an explanation...

- You're heavy! The heaviest of all my burdens!! I already carry too much... my parents, Orochimaru, Sandaime, the seal... - I looked at you, and you... you were... you were smiling.

You gently kissed my forehead, and then holding my chin so I had to look you in the eye you told me with that playful tone of yours.

- I'm here to help you carry your burden, so I guess I'm your present! - a clear laugh came from you, and I couldn't help but smile.

You kissed me once again, with all the passion you had and now I didn't back away.

Somehow I felt lighter around you, in your warm embrace...

Maybe after all, from now on, birthdays' will mean something to me.

Maybe, from now on, they'll have a brand new meaning... a good one!

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A/N: Ok ppl, hope you enjoy this!! I loved to write it, although it was really hard to finish, and took me more time than the expected.. But well, here it is!!

You know the drill, READ AN REVIEW. Your kind (or not so kind!! .") words make me write faster, better and give you more chappies and goodies! HEHE

Cheers