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Sunday, May 4, 2008

Damn Her

AN: FF is being a bitch and my dashes and stuff aren’t working the way they should. So, yeah.

Kakashi only had sex four times in his twenty-nine years of life.


Damn Her

Author: AmfAnnie

He was sixteen year old (very hormonal) boy when she had butted in his squad, a fifteen year old bossy bitch.

(God, she was such a bitch)

First, she mimicked his hairdo (almost, and it didn’t MATTER if she never knew him, she mimicked his hair do.), then she wore a skirt and a fishnet shirt instead of the ANBU uniform.

A fishnet.

Who wore a freaking fishnet and a skirt when the person in question was the only female in the twenty men ANBU squad?

She did.

(Every guy had a freaking nosebleed just when she walked by.)

And the worst of it all, she didn’t respect him.

She wouldn’t bow down to him and she didn’t use the honorific san, or kun.

(Like half the girls in the village.)

So he started picking on her.

(She was just like picking on Obito, so much fun.)

And Anko was not the one to be picked on.

Anko, you’re so flat you should give up the ANBU and become a ironing board.

Because her eyes glinted evilly and she made a face, the face you put when you say you know more than what you’re saying.

And boy…

Kakashi, a teeny weeny bird told me you dreamed of me. Wet your sheets much?

…did she know.

He really tried to hit her. He really tried to hit her.

But somehow he managed to trip.

(It was on a bench. At least that's he thinks. But it was probably Ibiki just beeing a son of a bitch and playing with his freaking wires again.)

And he managed to fall on her.

More precisely, on her chest.

(Face down on her breasts. So subtle.)

And she never laughed as much as there.

(Kakashi, is… Is your mask dripping blood!? Oh my god! Hahahah! So you ARE a pervert!)

But his hormones got the best of him and with a sudden movement and some kisses, they made it right there, in the mission’s room.

Anko was polite enough to let it ‘slip’, instead of putting up a sign, and Kakashi was polite enough to show calmly the hickeys he had made her to his friends and to Iruka, whose nose dripped blood every time Anko said something to him.

When his colleague got sick, (someone had poisoned his food with three packages of laxative) he was paired with Anko.

(Why with her!? There are so much better ANBU out there!)

(You didn’t say that when we were in the mission’s room, Kakashi. Actually, it was more like “God, Anko you’re so tig-“ Ouch, stop elbowing me!)

Since Anko was still learning, and since Kakashi was one of the best, she was put up with him, to “get things balanced”.

The mission was simple, kill two men, get rid of the evidence and come back.

But there was a huge, huge problem.

The tent.

It was way too small.


(…What is it now?)

(Don’t me touch there, damn i- Ka-KAKAshi!)

The night was spent quickly and the new rumors of the new night spread quickly.

(Just like her legs.)

A trail of purple-ish marks could bee seen around Anko’s neck and torso.

(No wonder, with that fishnet, everyone could see everything.)

And Anko would smile naughtily and lick her lips whenever she was around Kakashi. And even the Third, (may he rest in peace) couldn't understand why.

The truth was, she was great at keep secrets.

Anko had a very troubled childhood.

No one would say, if they saw her in a bright mood, all sunshine and butterflies. Well, and some, um, blood, but she had loved it.

(Putting Orochimaru aside, her childhood had been wonderful.)

Whenever she could, she would visit the Third, (because the man was kind to everyone) and would find the Fourth 'by accident'.


(Ah, Anko-chan, how's life been doing?)

And then she would smile like one hundred things had happened at the same time and answer to him: (I like you, you know, Namikaze-sama?)

Anko still laughs today whenever she thought of the Fourth - she had a major crush on the guy.

(May he rest in peace as well.)

And somehow, Kakashi found out.

(They were ten by then, he was already his sensei.) Anko would usually roam around his team. So he met Anko and asked her what was like to be in love.

(You don’t know!?)


(Well, it's like when it's raining on a summer day and you go outside and play in the warm rain.)

But even that explanation wasn't enough.

(...I don't understand.)

And Anko, being Anko, grabbed him by his collar and kissed him on his lips.

(That's love, love.)


He grunted and walked away, a scowl on his face. He was upset because, damn, that had felt good.

And he knew she knew.

They met again, and this time it was her that asked him what love was.

(They were nineteen, and Anko had met Orochimaru in a mission. She was depressed for a time.)

And it was his turn to answer.

(Love is love. Is whatever you like, it's a feeling that can't be explained but that can be felt. Do you feel that, Anko?)

(...Never did.)

(Let me show you then.)

His team was still happy and relaxed.

He still read the same book from five years ago.

Everything was fine.


Not everything.

You see, there was this girl, Ayame, that had seen Kakashi's face once. She had almost fainted from a nosebleed. (This fact was unknown by Kakashi.)

And Anko found out.


And she hadn't been too quiet about it.

So, Team 7, being Team 7, (Well, Sasuke was only in it thanks to Naruto and some whining by Sakura, so annoying.) thought that maybe if they joined Anko, they would see their sensei's face.

Well. It worked.

But only for Anko.

So, it was a normal day for the cell. They were eating warm ramen, all happy and relaxed, when Anko popped up, kind of angry.


Kakashi sweat-dropped - (Hello, Anko. How have you been doing?)

He was just lucky that his mask had been able to cover the dirty smile on his face.


The girl came into her view, panting and chirping.

(Gomenasai, Mitarashi-san! Here's your Mis-)

(I didn't order Miso, damn it!)

The girl bowed down, begging her forgiveness once again, until she saw who was next to the Mitarashi.

(Kakashi-san! Can I get anything to you? On the house!)

Anko couldn't believe.

She was flirting with him.

In front of her face!?

You're in, bitch.

While mouthing the words BACK OFF, SKANK, HE'S MINE and glaring with such force at the waitress, she turned to Kakashi.



(Have you been having sex with the ramen chick?)

The three children sharpened their ears. Even Sasuke was interested.

(What? No.)

(Good. You better not.)


Anko smirked and left a note on his jounin jacket pocket, before leaving to somewhere unknown.

The team started asking questions, as fast as they could, while Kakashi opened the paper. The piece of his skin that could be seen turned red and, blabbering incomprehensibly that his house was in fire and he had to leave, he 'poofed away'.

(How did he know his house was on fire?)

(He didn’t, dobe.)

(Then why did he left?)

(Naruto... We'll tell you when you're older, ok?)

Sakura and Sasuke nodded while glancing at each other.

(It's official, our sensei is a pervert.)

The last time Kakashi had sex was yesterday.

And I’ll have to upload this very soon because I can see Anko is starting to put up that look on her face again.

‘Cause KakaAnko is good for yer health. :D

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